Does the mind of women change in time? From somthing negative to something positive?

[Boynextdoor]

Maybe most of you seen my older post about my love life

 

Im just wondering after all of this time spent for self actualization

Will there be any instance or a chance for them to realize that the

Break up was wrong all along?

 

Ive done deactivating facebook so i wont see her, go to the gym

Everyday and im seeing massive results lately, eat lite since im trying

To work with my abs. Very supportive friends and at some point

My exes family feels that im a good man within. But at some point

It maybe just bread crumbs. Her besy friend shoes support also.

Well the mere fact that a man can admit his faults and eat his pride

Is a man in love deeply have a backbone. Agree?

 

Im now devoted with NC now what are the chances to possibly change

My fate of having a 2nd chance with her?

 

 

 

After all with her decision of leaving me into the abyss, letting me go because

She gave up on herself.

 

 

Well I still cant find any reason to hate her. Because Im a man that lives through

Optimism and I believe there is still hope for us as long as she see's the "Value"

Of the "Relationships Worth"

 

 

Would gladly welcome females pov. Thanks guys!

[Tree_Salmon]

I'm right there with you. Back to making myself into a better person but unlike you I had a second chance and a third and a fourth and I dumped her every time.

 

YOU may have changed for the better because you are that type of person but there is no guarantee that SHE will change. In fact, people usually don't change. It takes a big personal commitment to move forward like you or I are currently doing.

 

Even if you do get the second chance I'll bet you may not want her back after the initial phase is over.

 

Every time I returned to the relationship I saw some slight changes but the overall personality was unchanged.

 

You cant project your maturity on others. Most just don't give a crap.

[Boynextdoor]

I'm right there with you. Back to making myself into a better person but unlike you I had a second chance and a third and a fourth and I dumped her every time.

 

YOU may have changed for the better because you are that type of person but there is no guarantee that SHE will change. In fact, people usually don't change. It takes a big personal commitment to move forward like you or I are currently doing.

 

Even if you do get the second chance I'll bet you may not want her back after the initial phase is over.

 

Every time I returned to the relationship I saw some slight changes but the overall personality was unchanged.

 

You cant project your maturity on others. Most just don't give a crap.

 

 

 

What I wanna know is the chances for having the 2nd chance?

 

 

She texted me 2 days ago that she is done and gave me the ultimatum not for me to wait and all since she could not afford to see me hurt.

 

 

But ive seen and hear this words from the beginning of our break up w/c was like 3 weeks ago.

 

She have seen me be too clingy,needy, desperate of getting her back that time. It was awful I know but you're in love right?

 

 

My point is that when she texted me the other night I did not stop her nor tried to win her back through words. I just went on with the flow as if like I totally agree w/ her.

 

 

My question: I have her something to think about right? So am I progressing in a sense? Despite from the actions that im doing and the path that im taking.)

[Shinobi]

Your question is very good but you must keep in mind that women, unlike us men, are not driven by thought and logic but rather by emotions and feelings. So my direct answer to your question, as far as I know women, is YES, they do change their mind but they must "feel" rather to be compelled by logic and this- "there, I show you that I am better person" will not work unless she feels it with her heart.

 

Try to manipulate their emotions (I mean it in a good way and this should not happen in purpose). Just be the bigger man, be above all this, do not cling or beg (heard this many times, eh), work out and look better. More important is to succeed and be confident. I know this takes time, but the later the woman "changes" her mind or regret for leaving you the more genuine is that feeling.

 

Do not count on fast turn-arounds because, as already said, you will find very fast that nothing signifficantly changed and very likely it won't work. If you treated her well, If you were not a nerd and did nothing wrong- sometime in the future she will realize something that she is unable to see now.

 

It is very likely that you will never find out if she changes her mind (I mean for the long time), it does not mean that she will come back to you even if she wishes. It will just remain a bitter memory in her mind and will wonder what would it have been IF...

 

Do not torture yourself with such questions because she might or might not realize and change mind. Women are not like men- she might think about you and in the same time be with someone else and "feel" happy...

[flitzanu]

What I wanna know is the chances for having the 2nd chance?

 

 

She texted me 2 days ago that she is done and gave me the ultimatum not for me to wait and all since she could not afford to see me hurt.

 

 

But ive seen and hear this words from the beginning of our break up w/c was like 3 weeks ago.

 

She have seen me be too clingy,needy, desperate of getting her back that time. It was awful I know but you're in love right?

 

 

My point is that when she texted me the other night I did not stop her nor tried to win her back through words. I just went on with the flow as if like I totally agree w/ her.

 

 

My question: I have her something to think about right? So am I progressing in a sense? Despite from the actions that im doing and the path that im taking.)

 

see Bolded, above. she said she's done. listen to what she's saying and quit trying to read between the lines. you're not going to impress her or change her mind by trying to prove that you're different or changed...you need to CHANGE and she will see it within you, if she's looking.

[Boynextdoor]

Your question is very good but you must keep in mind that women, unlike us men, are not driven by thought and logic but rather by emotions and feelings. So my direct answer to your question, as far as I know women, is YES, they do change their mind but they must "feel" rather to be compelled by logic and this- "there, I show you that I am better person" will not work unless she feels it with her heart.

 

Try to manipulate their emotions (I mean it in a good way and this should not happen in purpose). Just be the bigger man, be above all this, do not cling or beg (heard this many times, eh), work out and look better. More important is to succeed and be confident. I know this takes time, but the later the woman "changes" her mind or regret for leaving you the more genuine is that feeling.

 

Do not count on fast turn-arounds because, as already said, you will find very fast that nothing signifficantly changed and very likely it won't work. If you treated her well, If you were not a nerd and did nothing wrong- sometime in the future she will realize something that she is unable to see now.

 

It is very likely that you will never find out if she changes her mind (I mean for the long time), it does not mean that she will come back to you even if she wishes. It will just remain a bitter memory in her mind and will wonder what would it have been IF...

 

Do not torture yourself with such questions because she might or might not realize and change mind. Women are not like men- she might think about you and in the same time be with someone else and "feel" happy...

 

I am fully aware of how women work. Actually I've been doing a lot of reading lately after the break up. Not to overthink of the possibilities but what can I adapt from previous experiences of people and what can I do (at least in my own ways without being destructive of her knowing) That I may be able to get that 2nd chance with her.

 

Well, To admit everything and eat my own pride is the last thing that I've imagined doing since I used to be very good at this. Lets say I started trying to enjoy the bennefits of the single life up until she cam to my life. She showed me the light. She showed me how to love.

 

We came from different worlds I used to be a guy who enjoys the bennefits of neighboring other women but not in the sense of breaking her heart. I may say that my acts are like a "pretty boy" (well before I met her).

 

We were Good eggs actually. I was her support system, I've done things to make life easy to her. Well I know she'd seen it and was very happy. Its just that we get to be preoccupied beings "us men" so we tend to react to the situation in the sense that we decide abruptly but really our intentions our different than how its being transferred to these "fragile creatures".

 

She just cant accept the fact that I gave in and said something that I am having regrets now. I thought patching it up will make a difference but then it seems that its too late now.

 

Well, my plan is to continue NC and to continue to improve myself (not for her) but for me of course! 2 months from now she will be done with her reviews. and will enjoy the bennefit of really being single. 2 months more on top of that will be the results for her Nursing boards and her oath taking. I just wanted to be there and congratulate her. And try to see if there is still "MAGIC within us".

[Boynextdoor]

see Bolded, above. she said she's done. listen to what she's saying and quit trying to read between the lines. you're not going to impress her or change her mind by trying to prove that you're different or changed...you need to CHANGE and she will see it within you, if she's looking.

 

I must say you're right my man! As much as I wanted to delete all of her memories I just cant. Its one of the reasons why I am here now. She served as my inspiration in life.

 

Lets say I had a rough start in life had all the drama to carry. When I met her it felt like "oh, wow would this be real?" from the negativity my life turned to so positive. That yes I got so complacent that we will never leave each others arms. We both love each other, been very faithful to each other, trust each other that much.

 

There has been slight difference in terms of our approach in dealing with things.

 

Me - Logical / Rational / Solution based. *well this is how I work.

Her - emotional / dependent / still emotional *how she works.

 

She welcomed me to her family made me feel that I was a part of that body that I will be a part of it forever. Thats what she's been saying always that i'll never be alone because she will be there for me me no matter what.

 

Now everything seems to be so dark and lonely.

 

But here I am trying to survive and trying to look up and believe that to have a 2nd chance with her is all "WORTH IT"

[Boynextdoor]

I say this because we both can be us when we are together. You know the feeling of being so comfortable with each other that whatever you do you can just be yourself.

 

So I was wondering that maybe its because of the pressure that she's into now and Im trying to add up to that pressure?

 

She gave me up and gave up herself in the process to have this focus with her duties and responsibilities. and of course she could not accept the fact that this is us now.

 

Well, given the fact that we are both bread winners and both of our families have great expectations from us.

 

I made this post and have this question in mind because when the time comes when we are both ready for commitment and each other (maybe). We could rekindle what we had. (Pressure aside)

[flitzanu]

all i can say is, you're doing research trying to figure her out or make sense of her decisions, but the only person that can give you an answer is her.

 

but, you're also avoiding the simplest thing...that maybe she just doesn't "feel" it anymore.

 

sometimes we wake up and don't like what we have, and change it. doesn't mean you're wrong or she's wrong, just means maybe she isn't into what you want from her.

[edelveis]

Hi man.i agree with what salmon tree has told but i would like to tell you a few more things..

 

I am going through a very familliar situation with yours.she dumped me,then i swallowed my pride asked her for a second chance to our relationship and she said no.and now i am having the same problem.i cant forget her no matter what i do and i always wonder if i ll ever have a second chance..

 

The thing man is that you really should move on and put your life back on tracks.and if she will ever come back then you think about it again..dont contact her and beg her anymore.its not good for you and also never works.a woman needs you to be strong and show character also now and she will never take you back coz of pity.

 

Activate you account again and show to her through that that you are moving on with your life,having fun and meeting new people.maybe that will make her wonder...

 

Exercise and try to look at your best..firstly for you.and everytime it happends to meet her act cool and wear your best smile.make her smile and have a nice time with you.remind of her the person with whome she fell in love.

 

The most important man is to move on with your life and leave it all behind.make the grass look greener on your side.and maybe she will see that and reconsider the choises she's made.

[geegirl]

Because Im a man that lives through

Optimism and I believe there is still hope for us as long as she see's the "Value" Of the "Relationships Worth"

 

Never project your feelings and thoughts on someone else. While you may grasp and appreciate the value of the relationship, you cannot force your beliefs on someone else or even have an expectation that what you feel is something you hope they will feel too.

 

How long do you intend to hope for her to "see"? What if she does not see? Will you give yourself a timeline? Are you putting your life on hold? Would it be better for you to continue working on yourself mentally and emotionally by letting go; therefore, letting yourself be open to future opportunities that will be much more healthy for you rather than such uncertainty?

[Boynextdoor]

all i can say is, you're doing research trying to figure her out or make sense of her decisions, but the only person that can give you an answer is her.

 

but, you're also avoiding the simplest thing...that maybe she just doesn't "feel" it anymore.

 

sometimes we wake up and don't like what we have, and change it. doesn't mean you're wrong or she's wrong, just means maybe she isn't into what you want from her.

 

 

Here reasons are vague but then I totally get the fact that in her POV I abandoned her. It should have been too much for her to bare and have the decision to leave me.

 

 

Well I understand! Actually one thing is for sure im never going back to the stage of Limbo. Actually having the backbone to figure all the mistakes that I made and tried to do something in that "7 sec window" (got this from your old post).

 

Well it felt good because you know that you've tried everything in your power to do everything save her/save it.

 

Well now im trying to live life the way it should be. Its just that at times I'm totally fine then at times I'm missing her.

 

 

Ughh!

[Boynextdoor]

Hi man.i agree with what salmon tree has told but i would like to tell you a few more things..

 

I am going through a very familliar situation with yours.she dumped me,then i swallowed my pride asked her for a second chance to our relationship and she said no.and now i am having the same problem.i cant forget her no matter what i do and i always wonder if i ll ever have a second chance..

 

The thing man is that you really should move on and put your life back on tracks.and if she will ever come back then you think about it again..dont contact her and beg her anymore.its not good for you and also never works.a woman needs you to be strong and show character also now and she will never take you back coz of pity.

 

Activate you account again and show to her through that that you are moving on with your life,having fun and meeting new people.maybe that will make her wonder...

 

Exercise and try to look at your best..firstly for you.and everytime it happends to meet her act cool and wear your best smile.make her smile and have a nice time with you.remind of her the person with whome she fell in love.

 

The most important man is to move on with your life and leave it all behind.make the grass look greener on your side.and maybe she will see that and reconsider the choises she's made.

 

 

Well dude to be honest im doing everything in my power to move on. Pumping irons in the gym basically im getting hotter now as we speak. Im almost there in getting my desired body that i've always wanted. Being focused with work and working my way up to be debt free.

 

Well, I may say im doing well with NC. If its kinda hard from me how is it like with her right?

 

So she must be in pain as well but fighting for it.

 

 

Basically im almost there in the acceptance stage. Im weighing my options whether to delete her entire memories completely or just keep it somewhere hidden.

 

 

Most of the time im doing fine because 1 like what i've said above "I dont want to be back in that limbo". But I must admit I miss her so much. She was my angel.

 

 

Well now here we are fighting the feeling,ego,pride with the break up. I just cant handle it no more man. I just cant go back as well because I felt the same thing she felt. I felt abandoned! I wasnt honest to myself when I spoke to her trying to save it because I dont my problem to add into hers.

 

 

Well, thats life I think.

 

 

For consolation I met a new woman somewhere looks like just breacrumbs or whatever. But it kinda felt a bit positive. I wana see where the cards go also.

[Boynextdoor]

Never project your feelings and thoughts on someone else. While you may grasp and appreciate the value of the relationship, you cannot force your beliefs on someone else or even have an expectation that what you feel is something you hope they will feel too.

 

How long do you intend to hope for her to "see"? What if she does not see? Will you give yourself a timeline? Are you putting your life on hold? Would it be better for you to continue working on yourself mentally and emotionally by letting go; therefore, letting yourself be open to future opportunities that will be much more healthy for you rather than such uncertainty?

 

 

4 months from now is the results for the boards which I know she'll pass it. I was thinking of personaly congratulating her by that time. Its just that im thinking also not to come. Because we aint together no more.

 

 

Well il leave it to the healing process of doing NC. maybe in time she would forgive me may no. maybe she would accept me maybe no. But then like what i've said to my previous replies im on my way to the acceptance stage. I cant push things further now because its a bit exhausting also. You felt like you've done everything but then they dont seem to understand.

 

 

Actually my thing now is just to be forgiven by her. Well maybe its hard to forgive someone that you must love so much and gave your all right?

 

 

during my stay in the stage of LIMBO I kept on asking myself and telling myself that its not fair. Because there came a time that I've compared myself to her ex which basically cheated on her multiple times and she kept forgiving and til she got exhausted.

 

As to me it was a matter of an arguement that was so small that led to something enormous when we were both so weak.

 

 

That gave me the notion that she really loved me that much and she meant it when she said that "I WAS HER LIFE". Thats why it must have been so hard for her to decide that this is us now.

[xxSRMxx]

You sound alot like me in some senses....My ex has seen me needy, clingy, desperate, the psycho ex.....

He also said to me he just wants me to get help on my own issues etc, He said to my mom the other day i wonder why he doesnt wanna give it another chance when im just behaving in such a self destructive manner.

 

That alone gave me the motivation to start changing, but most importantly, you cant keep wondering about IF shes going to come back, The best thing to do right now is to accept shes gone and wont be coming back.

I would LOVE the second chance to prove that i can be the right girlfriend this time around, but yno what, if that chance does not come....Its really not going to be the end of the world. itll be his loss, he might always wonder ''what if i had given her a chance?....''

 

I too, can be comfortable around my ex just like you, n i do think that is hard to find. She might need to date someone else to realise just how good she felt with you,but right now, like my ex, she said shes DONE....

Women are far more likely to change there mind than i reckon a man is, but they need to see results, reactivate your fb, my ex boyfriend is still on my facebook. I got into uni the other day, he liked my status, he was happy for me. Just because he liked it he probably wouldve expected me to text him then saying ''oh thanks blah blah'' but i never.

 

I really think that genuine SUCCESSFUL second chances do not come around quickly, I think they take time, for the people to have time out. My problem was i wanted my second chance right away, I now realise any hope of a second chance is going to take time. My ex needs to see a different me, not the person he finished with.

 

Stay positive! You really do not know what is around the corner, oh and usually when you stop hoping for that second chance, is when they usually turn up wanting to work things out!

[Boynextdoor]

You sound alot like me in some senses....My ex has seen me needy, clingy, desperate, the psycho ex.....

He also said to me he just wants me to get help on my own issues etc, He said to my mom the other day i wonder why he doesnt wanna give it another chance when im just behaving in such a self destructive manner.

 

That alone gave me the motivation to start changing, but most importantly, you cant keep wondering about IF shes going to come back, The best thing to do right now is to accept shes gone and wont be coming back.

I would LOVE the second chance to prove that i can be the right girlfriend this time around, but yno what, if that chance does not come....Its really not going to be the end of the world. itll be his loss, he might always wonder ''what if i had given her a chance?....''

 

I too, can be comfortable around my ex just like you, n i do think that is hard to find. She might need to date someone else to realise just how good she felt with you,but right now, like my ex, she said shes DONE....

Women are far more likely to change there mind than i reckon a man is, but they need to see results, reactivate your fb, my ex boyfriend is still on my facebook. I got into uni the other day, he liked my status, he was happy for me. Just because he liked it he probably wouldve expected me to text him then saying ''oh thanks blah blah'' but i never.

 

I really think that genuine SUCCESSFUL second chances do not come around quickly, I think they take time, for the people to have time out. My problem was i wanted my second chance right away, I now realise any hope of a second chance is going to take time. My ex needs to see a different me, not the person he finished with.

 

Stay positive! You really do not know what is around the corner, oh and usually when you stop hoping for that second chance, is when they usually turn up wanting to work things out!

 

 

I must agree. Well basically I totaly agree with everyones reply here. Everyone was really helpful. Thats why I really enjoy my stay in loveshack.

 

Now im trying to enjoy the convenience of the things that I wanted to do before without the blocking of my ex. She used to stop me when I go out / when I wanted to join the mix martial arts fight team.

 

 

Now I have the time to them all. Like what Forest said "Love is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what you're gona get.

 

 

I must tell you im doing it right now taking things slow and easy. Time will come that we will meet again. Regardless of the outcome I have to prepare and be ready for it.

 

 

MAN UP!

 

 

again thank you. it feels different when im seeing it from a pov of a woman.

 

 

Well of course to the other dudes that are supporters hands up to you guys!

[xxSRMxx]

Concentrate on yourself and do all the things you want to do, my ex didnt restrict me from doing much but the girls weekend I have booked in barcelona sure as hell as cheered me up!

 

Just keep thinking if they dont want to give you a second chance it is there loss!

[Boynextdoor]

Concentrate on yourself and do all the things you want to do, my ex didnt restrict me from doing much but the girls weekend I have booked in barcelona sure as hell as cheered me up!

 

Just keep thinking if they dont want to give you a second chance it is there loss!

 

 

 

Well, Sadly I aint that kind of guy. I let her do what she wants during my time. Been very open minded bf actually. I dont forbid her to go out or whatevs eventhough she tells me that if said no she wont go even it was her best friend asking her out or someone she'd know ahead of me.

 

Oh well see how good I am? hahaha! Just trying to humor the talk.

 

 

But yeah you're right. Focus focus focus!

[pgm2525]

Hey man, everything takes time.. I actually can relate with you, I've had scenarios in head showing my girl with another man and etc. But you know what I said, So what!! So what if she's with another guy, so what if she's happy. Even though you care about her soo much and still love her.. You have to first love yourself. I know it sounds selfish, but i'm sure all the other guys here were once alpha males who can get whoever they want. That's how we should all think, we should stop saying what if, instead say What's next?? Cause if we dwell in the past we will end up losers, trust me I know, it's been 5 days since my break-up but it seems as though i'm doing better than expected. I don't care if she worries or not anymore, I don't know what I'm feeling right now.. I'm just happy, and btw it might help you to sleep with someone that will take the edge of and tell you. You are desirable and women want you.. Just my two cents.

[SuperGeek]

My ex came back to me about 15 months later and after two weeks of being completely thrown off guard, I had to let her go. By that point I was moved on and over the pain of her leaving. At that point I knew I couldn't take her back because things were different and I no longer trusted her not to up and leave me again.

 

So after I said my piece above to her, she hung up the phone on me and I never again heard from her. It's been nearly a year since I decided not to let her back into my life. I am still satisfied in my decision though I still do miss her sometimes. I think it will always be this way until I'm in another relationship eventually.

 

I've learned over the years (I'm mid 30s now), that once a woman makes up her mind to leave you, it's best to move on and go NC. I wasted a lot of my life waiting for women to come back to me and they never do. The reason I believe is simple: Women just have too many other opportunities to even consider going back. Another set of guy(s) will show up within a day, week, or even a month and then you'll be old news in her head.

 

Moving on and going NC is the best that you can do. Once the woman decides to leave, that is it, it's over and there isn't anything you can do. Cut the cord and find another girl that actually cares about you instead.

 

SuperGeek