A general comment on how social status seems to play into date&mate choices.

[threebyfate]

I'm not talking about men I meet in a business situation - I'm talking about dates. I have balls of steel in any business meeting or negotiation, but on a date and in my relaxed time, I'm a totally different and much more playful animal.

 

You don't have to be emotionally obvious to have a sense of wonder and express it. I'm not impulsive and do not like men who are - I do like people who know how to lighten up and have fun. And I'm actually very logical and think through almost all decisions slowly and carefully before taking swift, strong action - I like men like this, too.

 

You're right about the sample size. And that's why I'm going to keep meeting new people.

This assumes that on a date, two or three, your average upper management type will open up to anyone. Not necessarily, although some can and will.

 

As far as boardroom behaviour, that's irrelevant.

 

Now you've made me curious. Where did you meet all these upper management types to date? Were they met on dating sites?

[zengirl]

Let's not fool ourselves. In this world, status = money. Elevate your money, and you elevate your status. Elevate your status, and your money grows.

 

And the sad truth is that money = survival. And that's why your original statement is so true

 

I think that's only true to a point. Honestly, there are different desires in life and also different socialization patterns. I also think it depends a lot what you do to get that money, how happy you are doing it, and how you live.

[Pierre]

Let's not fool ourselves. In this world, status = money. Elevate your money, and you elevate your status. Elevate your status, and your money grows.

 

And the sad truth is that money = survival. And that's why your original statement is so true:

 

 

 

I think it's time for me to join a boot strapper entrepreneur's group of some kind.

 

I disagree.

 

Mike Tyson will always be Mike Tyson despite all the millions he made. And he has the facial tattoo to prove it.

[Pierre]

Sure. And there are many people who find tattoos interesting and appealing, regardless of class. This is a great example of how social experiences and social capital are intertwined. Many of the most intelligent, successful, and interesting people I know (generally in tech fields) have tattoos. That's always been my experience, so I've never had a negative feeling about them. I know many people with a fair amount of money and status who have tattoos. Seems to be generational, of course.

 

 

I agree, nit everybody that has a tattoo is a Mike Tyson type.

 

However, there is a segment in society that sees tattoos as low class despite income level, education, etc. For these folks tattoos represent an undesirable status.

 

However, I agree with you. There are exceptions to the rule.

[Mrlonelyone]

I think that's only true to a point. Honestly, there are different desires in life and also different socialization patterns. I also think it depends a lot what you do to get that money, how happy you are doing it, and how you live.

 

That's true. The kind of social status I have in mind is a bit more specific than social class. It's more about that micro level that puts one man or woman above another.

 

Take for example dating among the faculty of a university or a town with more than one university. In that academic subculture money is of little concern, provided we are talking only about tenured professors. Among such people academic rank and prestige determine status. They certainly do sort themselves based on that.

 

As for tattoo's.

 

Yes there are many many people who see them as something trashy. There are many many people who don't. I don't. I do wonder about some of them you know. A persons taste change with age and after some years a tattoo that looks cute at 21 may not feel cute at 41 and looks awful at 51.

[DjinnAgain]

What I meant to say:

 

College folks date college folks.

 

Blue collars date each other.

 

Hollywood folks date each other.

 

Ivy League folks date each other.

 

Doctors date each other

 

.

 

People do not necessarily go for those who are like them precisely, but those with similar values.

 

Suffice it to say I am from nothing. I do not have high income potential now. However, that is not whom I have typically dated. They do not need duplicates of themselves because they do what they do well, and the need a complement instead.

My last boyfriend often bemoaned the number of women - including from his field- who were aggressive, overly provocative in dress or mannerism, or lost all vestige of true femininity. He regretted the women who would approach him with all the benefits of youth and beauty and in cases income but bereft of the ability to converse intelligently. He was upper middle class or lower upper class and he wanted somebody who would fit in with the culture, but what their current status or background did not mean much. It only meant that a potential partner could show elegance, discretion, and the ability to communicate appropriately. (He hated tattoos, but he was older and in a conservative profession.)

 

I also would not date somebody who communicated like an uneducated fool with slang or the sort, who had no grasp or appreciation for what is appropriate in one's surroundings, who did not realize that family was paramount, etc. I suppose I do value middle class values above many others. One should have tact, decorum, grace, a willingness to work hard, etc. (I would date a person who made minimum wage with these attributes, though to this point it has not worked that way. The last man I liked only made 40k a year though and these qualities shined through. Again, values, not status.)

 

 

My ex husband was from a middle class, Christian family and was a fiercely intelligent man who worked his way to a reasonable 200k a year, but he lacked certain of those characteristics that I did not pick up on my youth. Nothing about class or family would have told me this though, only a more thorough assessment of values.

 

You might find more similar values in a similar group but suggesting it's a stutus thing more than a value thing seems a little misled.

[FrustratedStandards]

I agree with you.

 

An ugly man with elite social status (famous, rich, powerful) will get more options of women, and more of the hot ones. That's why I don't understand when men say women are goldiggers, only want a hot body or "just because he is the CEO".

 

JUST because he is super rich? JUST because he is a CEO? These things aren't JUST, these things are what make him a great mate. Whether or not he will be a nice person or a complete assh*le is a different story, but these things definitely give him the upper hand.

[FrustratedStandards]

I agree, nit everybody that has a tattoo is a Mike Tyson type.

 

However, there is a segment in society that sees tattoos as low class despite income level, education, etc. For these folks tattoos represent an undesirable status.

 

However, I agree with you. There are exceptions to the rule.

 

That's how I see tattoos.

[Woggle]

Some of the nicest people I have met happen to have tattoos and some of the worlds biggest criminals wear three piece suits.

[zengirl]

That's true. The kind of social status I have in mind is a bit more specific than social class. It's more about that micro level that puts one man or woman above another.

 

Well, that's all going to be completely relative. There's no real ranking system --- there is only how you rank to specific people. Now, there may be things that MANY people find compelling, but I don't think there's any status that's universally appealing. And one certainly needs to ensure they have the bait for what they want to catch.

 

For instance, what FS thinks makes a great mate would not be anywhere on my list of the qualities or achievements that make a great mate. That's because different people want different things.

 

Some of the nicest people I have met happen to have tattoos and some of the worlds biggest criminals wear three piece suits.

 

Ain't that the truth.

[Ruby Slippers]

Mrlonelyone, I'm glad you started this thread. I'm been ruminating on it since I read it and posted in it. Though I've been stepping up my wardrobe and appearance of status lately for my business, it's been kind of hard for me to get my head around it. I don't much care what people look like or what they're wearing - I see the whole person. But now I realize that most people aren't like that. Most people are impressed by and drawn to people of status, or with the appearance of status.

 

Now I get why my stylist is recommending that I get a "rich" looking, sparkly watch and all these fancy trappings. I think some of this stuff is gaudy and over the top - but I get that sparkly things do catch attention, and bling of various kinds impresses most people. She wants me to be a money magnet, and I definitely get that. My high-status clients are only going to throw money at me if I appear to be at their status or higher. When I'm the best-dressed, most blinged-out person in the room, they clearly get stars in their eyes, and I land them.

 

Now that I'm developing a better understanding of the concept of status, I can work with it and understand the hows and whys.

[Pierre]

Mrlonelyone, I'm glad you started this thread. I'm been ruminating on it since I read it and posted in it. Though I've been stepping up my wardrobe and appearance of status lately for my business, it's been kind of hard for me to get my head around it. I don't much care what people look like or what they're wearing - I see the whole person. But now I realize that most people aren't like that. Most people are impressed by and drawn to people of status, or with the appearance of status.

 

Now I get why my stylist is recommending that I get a "rich" looking, sparkly watch and all these fancy trappings. I think some of this stuff is gaudy and over the top - but I get that sparkly things do catch attention, and bling of various kinds impresses most people. She wants me to be a money magnet, and I definitely get that. My high-status clients are only going to throw money at me if I appear to be at their status or higher. When I'm the best-dressed, most blinged-out person in the room, they clearly get stars in their eyes, and I land them.

 

Now that I'm developing a better understanding of the concept of status, I can work with it and understand the hows and whys.

 

Ruby:

 

It is OK to dress better, but excessive bling is very tacky.

[Pierre]

Some of the nicest people I have met happen to have tattoos and some of the worlds biggest criminals wear three piece suits.

 

That is true, but anecdotes or exceptons to the rule do very little to change the stereotype of tattoos.

[ThaWholigan]

Mrlonelyone, I'm glad you started this thread. I'm been ruminating on it since I read it and posted in it. Though I've been stepping up my wardrobe and appearance of status lately for my business, it's been kind of hard for me to get my head around it. I don't much care what people look like or what they're wearing - I see the whole person. But now I realize that most people aren't like that. Most people are impressed by and drawn to people of status, or with the appearance of status.

 

Now I get why my stylist is recommending that I get a "rich" looking, sparkly watch and all these fancy trappings. I think some of this stuff is gaudy and over the top - but I get that sparkly things do catch attention, and bling of various kinds impresses most people. She wants me to be a money magnet, and I definitely get that. My high-status clients are only going to throw money at me if I appear to be at their status or higher. When I'm the best-dressed, most blinged-out person in the room, they clearly get stars in their eyes, and I land them.

 

Now that I'm developing a better understanding of the concept of status, I can work with it and understand the hows and whys.

You have a stylist .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.....I want one

[Woggle]

That is true, but anecdotes or exceptons to the rule do very little to change the stereotype of tattoos.

 

That matters little to me plus I know tattoo artists that make more than some people who wear a three piece suit all the time. There is a guy on the boardwalk here who owns a shop and he has it made. He has money so he doesn't have to give a damn about status.

[Mrlonelyone]

@Woggle

 

Within the subculture that values having tattoo's owning a successful tattoo shop is the top dog status you can have.

 

While he may not think about it to other people it matters.

 

@Rubyslippers

 

I hear what you are saying. Contrary to the way this thread makes me look, I don't think about this too much either. Clothes and such are just the most obvious way to express that. I would love to go to campus dressed like a bum, and I do sometimes. But I also have to go dressed in a more professorial way because I am supposed to be more professional than an undergraduate. Why should that matter it does not change my brain? Yet it is the way of the world we live in.

 

All I am trying to impress upon people is... that we don't live in isolation. We are a herd/pack animal. Ones place within the herd matters in so many ways, especially in dating and mating.

[Pierre]

That matters little to me plus I know tattoo artists that make more than some people who wear a three piece suit all the time. There is a guy on the boardwalk here who owns a shop and he has it made. He has money so he doesn't have to give a damn about status.

 

As I said above>

 

Mike Tyson will always be Mike Tyson despite all the millions he made as a fighter. And he has a facial tattoo to prove it.

 

This thread is not about money.

[Ruby Slippers]

Ruby:

 

It is OK to dress better, but excessive bling is very tacky.

I don't think what she's recommending is excessive. I just personally find anything more than the most delicate, elegant jewelry a bit overkill. But I've been looking around, and even the professional women in this city wear a fair amount of bling. Get to the management and executive level - where I am, as a free agent - and things get even more glittery.

 

Another sign I'm doing it right so far is that women are constantly complimenting my style now. First I had to adjust to all the new attention from men, and now I have to get used to it from the ladies, too. I'm not complaining.

[Ruby Slippers]

You have a stylist .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.....I want one

When you shop at Nord$trom, a personal stylist comes with the deal. I clicked with mine immediately, and I'm now helping her launch her own business, too. She said she knows we are going to be friends for life, help each other get rich, and shine a light into the world.

 

Now, when am I going to find my personal trainer?