Angel-eyes Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Im a little confused with the way my relationship is! I've been with my partner 4 8 and a half years, hes kind loving does everything for me, yet i feel unhappy and i dont know why! A couple years ago near the start of our relationship he cheated on me with a close friend of mine nd i forgave him, yet fir years after that it was all we ever argued about nd also because of that i started to drift from my friends incase he did it again! That wasnt the only thing hes done hes sexted other girls under mens names in his phone i only found out becasue i use 2 go to school with one of the girls! He also use to choose going out with his mates instead of going out with me which was realli annoyin at first but then i just got use to sittin at home waiting for him to come home! Lately everything has changed he chooses me more nd wants to stay in with me, we never go out even tho i ask alot as i enjoy going out! Were only 23years old i live with his family and him but im so uncomfortable i feel under pressure to please everyone, i also dont feel anything for him anymore i make excuses to stay out late so i dont ave to go home, i sit in the pub or coffee shop on my own so i dont ave to go home as i lost all my friends when i met him, i also drifted from my family as i choose to stay with him when their was family parties and stuff going on! Anyway am blabbing! I was just wanting advice on what to do i feel for him yet dont love him anymore! Thank you
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 One - split. If you don't love him and you're not paying any rent, then you're taking advantage of a comfortable situation, and living thanks to someone else's hospitality, under false pretences. If you don't love someone, you don't love them. It happens. It happens in longer relationships and shorter ones. The time-frame is irrelevant. Two - please don't use text-speak on the forum. honestly? It's really not necessary, makes following your post quite difficult and you have plenty of room, and plenty of time - so if you use proper 'speech' more people are likely to reply, because it's easier to follow..... 1
Author Angel-eyes Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Im sorry for my speech its out of habit since im posting this from my phone! And im not living their rent free i pay my fair share to his parents more than he pays to be honest but i am a guest in their house and understand that! But its the whole just leaving and hurting him and his family, they say they love me like a daughter how can i hurt them?
TigerCub Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 You've been with this guy since you were 15 pretty much. Don't let him be all you know in life. You're still young and he's already cheated on you and disrespected you. Also, IMO, its really silly to play house while still living with someone's parents...sorry, but that's just my take on it. But more importantly than anything listed above - you're not feeling this guy and being with him makes it so that you isolate yourself and don't make/keep friends, and drift apart from your family. Get out before you waste more time on someone like him.
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Im sorry for my speech its out of habit since im posting this from my phone! ok, well... don't do it again...... And im not living their rent free i pay my fair share to his parents more than he pays to be honest Well that's a good thing, because whenever you have to pay your way once you move out, you'll be in a position to be able to do so.... but i am a guest in their house and understand that! But its the whole just leaving and hurting him and his family, they say they love me like a daughter how can i hurt them? I hate to say this - but you have to harden up. I would put it to you that people have survived worse, and lived to tell the tale. And you absolutely cannot live your life in a way that compromises your own wishes, simply because you're worried about 'hurting' someone.... It's a sad fact that these things happen. what I would do if I were in your shoes, is to find somewhere else to live, tell your Bf - sorry - your ex-/BF - you intend to move out, then explain it to his family. tell them you cannot be dissuaded, or persuaded otherwise, it's nothing against them, but really, you and your ex- have outgrown each other.... Don't run him down to of his family - just tell them you have grown apart and it's best this way.... But whatever you do, do it because it's what you need to do - not because you want to avoid hurting anyone. That's just the way things are.
Author Angel-eyes Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Yea ive been with him since i was 14, hes all ive had for so many years, ive had no one to talk to about how i feel and ive stuck with him because ive only ever known him! But ive been thinking about this for a couple years and just dealt with it but now i feel like i cant take being unhappy anymore! I just wanted to know if it was a good idea to leave and the best way to do it without hurting to many people plus i have a dilema and that is he works with my father!
TigerCub Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Yea ive been with him since i was 14, hes all ive had for so many years, ive had no one to talk to about how i feel and ive stuck with him because ive only ever known him! But ive been thinking about this for a couple years and just dealt with it but now i feel like i cant take being unhappy anymore! I just wanted to know if it was a good idea to leave and the best way to do it without hurting to many people plus i have a dilema and that is he works with my father! Angel, I've never been with anyone as long as you've been with your bf - so I can only imagine your conflict, and how deeply the emotions run. But if you're unhappy, you really need to get out. Don't trap yourself in this relationship just because you're afraid to hurt anyone. There are people in dysfunctional and really unhappy Rs, but they stay because they have kids and financial obligations together. You're lucky in that you don't have that with your bf. You're still so young - you should find your happiness. Does he work for or with your dad? Honestly, even so, don't let that be the reason you stay in a relationship that doesn't work for you anymore.
Author Angel-eyes Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 He works with my dad hes my dads only employee so if i end it and he leaves my dads business then my dads business is in trouble until he can find someone else to employ so i have alot of obligations in my way and its really starting to stress me out my heart saya go my head says stay!
TigerCub Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 He works with my dad hes my dads only employee so if i end it and he leaves my dads business then my dads business is in trouble until he can find someone else to employ so i have alot of obligations in my way and its really starting to stress me out my heart saya go my head says stay! Is it possible to talk with your dad and tell him about what you're going through and see if he can start finding someone else (before your bf knows for sure) - just so that if the bf leaves your dad is not left high & dry. I know you said that you've drifted from the family, but is it possible to have an open & honest convo with your dad and that he would keep it between the 2 of you?
Bellechica Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Angel-eyes, it seems like you already have a lot of resentment towards your bf. If you don't love him, you need to leave for your sake and his. Yes, it will be hard and you will grieve leaving him, but it's best for you to start fresh. You will need to speak with your dad so he can find a new employee and give your bf time to find new work. You have to think about what is best for everyone. By prolonging the relationship, you will ultimately hurt him and his family more.
Author Angel-eyes Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 I dont feel like i can talk to any of my family as they all love my bf dearly and they tell him everything, so talking with my dad is out of the question!
Radu Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) I dont feel like i can talk to any of my family as they all love my bf dearly and they tell him everything, so talking with my dad is out of the question! Your dad is your dad, not his dad. If this is truly the case, something is very wrong with your family [no offense]. He works with my dad hes my dads only employee so if i end it and he leaves my dads business then my dads business is in trouble until he can find someone else to employ so i have alot of obligations in my way and its really starting to stress me out my heart saya go my head says stay! If you were my daughter, i would be upset at this, but between you feeling like you need to give affection to someone [i hope you get my hint], and some inconvenience for my business ... i would jump in the latter. Edited May 10, 2012 by Radu
StripeyShirt Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I think you might find that your father would understand more than you know. Someone who truly loves his daughter would put her happiness above a business. Please find the strength and leave, it will be hard, but a year or so from now you will be a different person and wonder how you could ever doubt that you could do it.
Author Angel-eyes Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Ive decided the best thing for me to do is have a good long conversation with my mam hopefully build bridges with her so i have somewhere to go after all this starts see what advice she can give is! Thanks for your help i think ive made my mind up lets hope im not too soft to go threw with it!
Author Angel-eyes Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Ive managed to have a talk with the parents they were the best and i wasnt expecting the reaction i got! I also managed to end it with my ex-bf all in 1 day! At the minute it feels like the worst decision of my life but im hoping that will ease up, if it doesnt then i know ive made a huge mistake!
Bellechica Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 You will certainly be sad about the break up, but try to stay busy, go out with friends, take care of yourself, and make sure you have support. You will love again!!!
Author Angel-eyes Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Well i feel weak as i dont know what! I've went back to him because i felt sorry for him, i still dont know what to do i hate how unhappy i am he see's that and is trying really hard with me but nothing is working! Is it normal that im Stayin with him out of pity?
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Well i feel weak as i dont know what! I've went back to him because i felt sorry for him, i still dont know what to do i hate how unhappy i am he see's that and is trying really hard with me but nothing is working! Is it normal that im Stayin with him out of pity? no, it's not normal, it is completely the wrong reason and it's a very bad motive. you need to stop this because it's not a healthy thing to do.
shorty7 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I did somewhat of the same thing when I was younger-- I lived with my boyfriend in 2nd year of college for about a year and change. the house we lived in his parents had bought for the bf & sister to live in while they were in college. I paid the least amount of rent not having my own room. I decided to leave the relationship and drop out of college to go back home to my family. Leaving him was not easy but once back home to my crippled (but real) family, I knew that I was just playing house with the ex and trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I met someone else within 6 months while maintaining no contact. Best decision ever! I am probably an exception but I was worried I may have jumped to someone out of loneliness and/or rebound issues after being so intensely involved with the ex. That wasn't the case. Skip forward 100 months. I'm still with the "new" bf. We've never lived together. Within that time period, my parents got through divorce, I went back to school and finished my degree, he went through his bachelors and masters, I've held a decent full time job with full benefits for at least 3 years, I've grown independent enough to have a small 2 bedroom apartment which I share with another roommate. I know an 8 year relationship seems hard to leave. But you'll be amazed how much difference there simply is in growth (as a development of an individual and character): 1) from time period of 15-23 and 21-29 (yes there is a difference in maturity--both in pace and quality) 2) and also, when you're in a relationship when respect and love for each other means more than anything to the both of you (the difference is so palpable you'll wonder why you decided to stay in a miserable relationship in the first place.) You'll do fine. Go back home, make mends with your family until you can re-establish yourself, (take a break from school or whatever it is you're doing with your life if you have to) find a new job, and start fresh.
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