dollface07 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 How should I respond if someone I cared about invalidated my feelings I was expressing to him about his actions hurting me (although I will concede that I was expressing those feelings in an angry way over the phone) but he very defensively/angrily interjected "you are always talking" in a demeaning, condescending and almost cruel way. This was Friday evening, 4 days later I am still hurting because of it... Any advice would be helpful b/c I am sensitive and get my feelings hurt more deeply than most; advice would be helpful since it's so difficult for me to open myself up to being emotionally vulnerable with people in order to see where a friendship/relationship may lead to over time... Thank you.
ScienceGal Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 This might sound silly, but have you ever heard of "I feel ____ when you _____, I want_____"? Basically fill in the blanks. "I feel hurt when you yell at me and invalidate my feelings. I want you to be more sensitive to my feelings". This way it's direct and not nasty. Also, I would first take ownership of the fact that you were yelling. Apologize for that. 1
Professor X Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 If you are certain you wanna speak to him again, than do as ScienceGirl adviced, otherwise, just understand that he acted in a defensive manner. He was hurt, and most likely caught off guard with you break up with him and thus acted impulsively. Understand that the way he acted isn't aimed towards you, but just how he is. You did the right thing, and 4 days isn't enough days to feel better about yourself just yet. Wait a couple of weeks and see how you feel. 1
ScienceGal Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I am really sensitive too and tend to go off when my feelings are hurt. It's really just my ego freaking out though (easy to say in hindsight, difficult to control at the moment). I would just give it a little more time and then maybe relay the message that you're sorry for how things went, that you value the friendship (if you do), and then the "I feel, when you, I want". Good luck. 1
Author dollface07 Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 yes, i should be much more patient than this and give myself some more weeks to feel better...i've started going to gym and already lost 10 pounds so that's helping me feel better about myself and i reached out to a new friend and she and i are gonna have lunch today and begin attending bible study tomorrow evening...lol i am not that religious but i am going to make some new friends will be positive influences in my life (hopefully) warmest! 2
Professor X Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Losing weight is always good for you girls, yes? ^^
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