DollWelch Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I have been getting to know, only recently, a guy who I thought was great until I googled him (Yes, I was curious!). Turns out he has a BDSM Profile, which is no longer active, he last used about a couple of years ago. This made me stomach turn. I don't know what to think. To be honest, I'm turned off, and probably won't be talking to him again (as tempting as that may be). What are your thoughts?
insertnamehere Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Just because he's into kink doesn't make him some type of serial killer or child molester. You sure you'd want to be judged by others for what turns you on?
FitChick Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 If what turns him on isn't what turns her on, game over. Nothing to do with "judgment." I hate that word. 1
The Humbler Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) Lol, oh my! What a monster! How dare a consenting adult engage in safe, mutually satisfying, consentual intimacy with other like minded adults? Listen, unless you met this dude on ChristianMingle.com and he's claimed to be some angelic saint all his life than what he's done in the past is irrelevant. And just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it evil or wrong. I know for fact there's a pervy little part of your mind that you would be horrified if anyone knew about. And there are things you think about or do when you're alone that others would find repugnant or sinful...but since they're your little guilty pleasures they're okay I guess. Edited May 10, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed personal insults 1
threebyfate Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 If you're not into kink, I'd avoid him since sooner or later, vanilla sex won't be enough for him.
threebyfate Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 WhAt made you google him?I highly recommend that people google others, particularly if they're dating strangers from online dating sites. 1
LittlePrince Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 WhAt made you google him? She probably googles every person around her. Also there is a long running tv ad campaign about running background checks on each person you ever come in contact with for the super paranoid. I'd have to imagine a few wackadoodles would respond to the hysteria contained within. Plus she comes to such reaffirming bastions of trust as loveshack.
threebyfate Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I strongly advocate researching prospects if you're dating strangers. Who knows what you're getting, if not.
Art_Critic Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 She probably googles every person around her. Also there is a long running tv ad campaign about running background checks on each person you ever come in contact with for the super paranoid. I'd have to imagine a few wackadoodles would respond to the hysteria contained within. Plus she comes to such reaffirming bastions of trust as loveshack. Googling people you are dating doesn't make you a wackadoodle.. it makes you smart and informed 3
CarrieT Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 WhAt made you google him? When I was heavily into OLD, I Googled every man I was going to meet - and very, very glad I did! For a matter of personal safety and validity, I learned all sorts of things which helped me frame the decisions about whether or not to meet up or continue seeing them. In one case, I was corresponding with a "well-known Napa winemaker" and, being a wine writer, thought we might have mutual friends and that I would know his product. Turned out he was a complete lie. In another case, the "owner of multiple wineries" was telling the truth - but also that he was still married!
LittlePrince Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I strongly advocate researching prospects if you're dating strangers. Who knows what you're getting, if not. Googling people you are dating doesn't make you a wackadoodle.. it makes you smart and informed If you are going to worry that much your opinion on that person has already been tainted and you shouldn't even bother dating them. If you can't trust them at the beginning then you'll never trust them. Trust doesn't grow with time. It only withers because that is apart of the self-protective nature of human beings.
CarrieT Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 What kind of stupid person would use their real name on a site like that? He might have used the same "handle." Many people do and I've been able to search guys I've chatted with and see the same FakeName show up on other sites....
mtber75 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 There are always reasons for everything so you should just ask him instead of creeping into his life without his permission. 1
threebyfate Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 If you are going to worry that much your opinion on that person has already been tainted and you shouldn't even bother dating them. If you can't trust them at the beginning then you'll never trust them. Trust doesn't grow with time. It only withers because that is apart of the self-protective nature of human beings.Life isn't as black and white as youth would have it. The more you experience in life, the more reason for due diligence on individuals you're considering for partners.
CarrieT Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Handle? FakeName? You mean username/login? Sorry, I'm new to forum life. Yes, I doubt your real name is Norbert and perhaps on other sites, you go by Norbert as well... Handle/Fake Name/User ID/Avatar/Online Presence/Etc 1
SmileFace Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I don't understand why people share handles. I use a different handle for each and every type of website I use. Lol I guess I am not new to the Internet. 1
Art_Critic Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Life isn't as black and white as youth would have it. The more you experience in life, the more reason for due diligence on individuals you're considering for partners. so true.. I happen to know a couple of guys that if you googled them their mugshots from some of their criminal records show up.. How sorry I feel for the the girls they date and don't google them.. of course when they do... dumped. 1
dasein Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I have a friend who had an adultfriendfinder.com account a few years before he met his wife, done as a lark with some work buddies. He never had any "dates" from the site. Thankfully, she either didn't look in to it, and if she did, she talked to him about it instead of making false conclusions. Good for their beautiful 5 y.o. and one of the happier marriages among my friends that she didn't just summarily dismiss him. Sex related websites are expert at conversion, getting people to sign up a profile to see stuff. OP, IMO you should ask him directly about it with no preconceived notions. If it turns out he owns 8 ball gags, perhaps you two aren't compatible, but if it turns out he did it on a lark? Up to you if that's a dealkiller, certainly wouldn't be for me. And perhaps you -could- do with a good spanking.
O'Malley Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I see nothing wrong with doing a little research. An acquaintance of mine discovered that a man she had considering dating -- a clean cut, rather affluent professional -- had protective orders placed against him by two different women. Initial perceptions and reality can sometimes be at opposite ends of the spectrum. This man's committed no offense, other than having different tastes and not safeguarding his privacy. If it's altered your opinion of him, just move on.
dasein Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 As far as checking up on me generally via google? No problem. Background checks, credit reports and such before we go on at least several dates and I find out about it? Buhbye.
Art_Critic Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 As far as checking up on me generally via google? No problem. Background checks, credit reports and such before we go on at least several dates and I find out about it? Buhbye. I'd agree with you there that background checks before going on a date does seem to cross the line into the paranoid sector.. I know people who do that but to each his own. Just about all of us have google on our phones and can google someone anytime, anywhere.
Art_Critic Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 This man's committed no offense, other than having different tastes and not safeguarding his privacy. If it's altered your opinion of him, just move on. I agree with you.. his sexual tastes have nothing to do with who he really is, although in this case I would think it was used to show sexual incompatibility. Maybe he knows it's out there and is looking for someone that thinks it's just the right fit. I know every little last webpage that is out there on me and what it says.. no joke... I've always watched that kind of thing since I started using the web in the very beginning. 1
somedude81 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Hah, good luck Googleing me or of any of my handles. My Googleing my real name doesn't work as my name isn't uncommon. And while I do tend to use the same handle for a few sites, you won't find anything incriminating, just that I'm into video games and anime.
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