trojans10 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Hey, Ive posted here before about my relationship with this girl but now its getting closer to the date where shell be home. Anyways, she has wrote me and average of two letters a week while she was away in boot camp. She claims to love me, and I know she would do ANYTHING to be with me. I truely found a girl that loves me and I have never fell for a girl before like her. I honestly tear up at night because I know that if I actually try to make things work, its only going to make things harder on me. She wants to stay with me though... Anyways, I don't want to break up with her.. BUT I also don't want a long distance relationship, especially with a girl in the military who will be surrounded by guys, and getting hit on EVERY day. So what I'm wondering is WTF to do. I know I need to end it with her, but I honestly love this girl and don't want to loose her. I just know that ending it is the best thing for the both of us. Any advice on how to talk to her about this situation? I've never broken up with a girl before, let alone a girl who is in love with me. I know she will be extremely hurt if and when I do.. She has already told me she has cried multiple times over some of the letters I wrote regarding that i'm not sure if things will work out. Help? What's the best way to handle this situation..? How do I talk to her rationally about this, and what are some questions i can ask her about our relationship to better gauge how she/we feel about this whole situation. I want to be rational about this decision because its a big one, and I don't want to ultimately loose my best friend. Thanks!
january2011 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 What's the best way to handle this situation..? How do I talk to her rationally about this, and what are some questions i can ask her about our relationship to better gauge how she/we feel about this whole situation. I want to be rational about this decision because its a big one, and I don't want to ultimately loose my best friend. Be honest, firm, clear and respectful. Just tell her that you don't want to be in a long distance relationship. There's no point in trying to gauge her reactions. You want to break up with her. Of course she's likely to take it badly. You also have to be prepared to be the bad guy. And there's a good chance that you will lose your best friend. You have to let her grieve and maybe with some time, you can be friends again.
Author trojans10 Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Be honest, firm, clear and respectful. Just tell her that you don't want to be in a long distance relationship. There's no point in trying to gauge her reactions. You want to break up with her. Of course she's likely to take it badly. You also have to be prepared to be the bad guy. And there's a good chance that you will lose your best friend. You have to let her grieve and maybe with some time, you can be friends again. Thanks..
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Anyways, I don't want to break up with her.. BUT I also don't want a long distance relationship, especially with a girl in the military who will be surrounded by guys, and getting hit on EVERY day. So what I'm wondering is WTF to do. I know I need to end it with her, but I honestly love this girl and don't want to loose her. I just know that ending it is the best thing for the both of us. Do you, or do you not, want to be with her? It sounds to me like you do, and that you're just insecure because she's in the military and surrounded by guys. What's the REAL deal here?
Author trojans10 Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Do you, or do you not, want to be with her? It sounds to me like you do, and that you're just insecure because she's in the military and surrounded by guys. What's the REAL deal here? Well you are partially correct. I DO want to be with her, I just don't think I can handle it, and don't know or am unsure If I do. Not only the fact shell be surrounded by guys, but the fact that shell be 1000 miles away from me, and this is just the start because she has a whole 4 years to go until she is done. My mind is just full of numerous thoughts, and I don't know what to do ultimately and also just plain scared. So yea.. Overall just lost.
Emilia Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Don't you want to give it a go a little longer and push it to the point when you are sure? You don't want to end up second guessing yourself. My ex is posted very close to me, only an hour by train. Distance isn't the reason why we are not together.
InJest Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Do not push it and see if you can handle it. It's really not worth it. You'll see her sporadically for the next 4 years, and you'll both be growing apart during that time. Just tell her to look you up when she gets out of the military and maybe you can try again. Depending on her age, chances are she's going to meet someone else in the next 4 years and then she's not going to want to be long distance either. Why did she join the military? How old is she? How old are you?
Emilia Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Do not push it and see if you can handle it. It's really not worth it. Why? The OP has known her for a while, I'm aware of some of the history. He really likes her. Why should he give up when he isn't sure 100% how it's going to go? Why worry about being defensive all the time?
bean1 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Well, you could ask her to marry you, stay, and see if she'll choose. I was in a similar position (as the girl) and that is what he did. I gave up the particular career (not military but similar) and years later, we are together with 2 kids. I decided husband/motherhood was worth more than the career which wasn't compatible with a good family life. The worst she can do is say no and you'd probably break up anyways. You never know. Some women will choose the right guy over a career. I'm sorry if this is an 'unpopular' opinion but it worked for me and I am happy with my choice many years later.
InJest Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 It's obviously messing with the guys head already, and it's only been a few weeks. If he's not 100% sure that he wants to continue in an LDR, then why should he waste his time? It seems like he knows he doesn't want to continue and is more looking for advice on how to tell her..."I know I need to end it with her...Any advice on how to talk to her about the situation? "
TripLine Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 You need to break up. She is either doing 4 years or making a 20 year career choice. She can say 4, but she really doesn't know until she starts earning her stripes. I am a veteran. If she is hot, she WILL be put on a pedestal and she will get hit on. Eventually she will like someone who hits on her and have sex with him. I have seen it all. It will probably be long distance depending on her field and service choice. Do not ask her to engage/marry you FFS.
Author trojans10 Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Thanks people! This is exactly what I wanted...different opinions on this matter. I am open minded and understand what each person has to say... I really do like this girl and its too bad she had to ultimately choose the military over having a normal relationship, because that pretty much goes with the territory. I also know how often women get hit on, on a daily basis while their on active duty. To be honest...in reality this relationship is bound to fail at some point so why not get it off my chest and make it easier for the both of us. I love this girl and shell always be my first love, and vice-versa but I can't live my life in worry. I trust her with my life...but still. Like tripline said, I have also heard it all before coming from my military friends..and it just doesn't sound good. On the other hand, like Emilia has stated, why not just try it out for a little long and let things work their course. Maybe shell go off and cheat...find another guy. Whatever...maybe letting things ride could be the best choice for the both of us. Who knows while she is gone, I may stumble across something better down the line, although thats hard to say...but its true. And shell finally give in to a guy in the military who she feels attracted too, I mean shes going to be a kid in a candy store, and she is also a cutey. Life sometimes deals you with tough cards in life, and you gotta deal with them. In my situation I was dealt with a 16 in blackjack... I can decide to stay or I can hit, and take that risk. Pretty much what its coming down to. Its too bad it has to come down to that, and its unfair tbh. Why can't I just have a normal GF like all my friends that I can enjoy life with, instead of living in doubt and fear. Overall, if you guys have any more input...im all ears. I honestly feel sometimes like its her duty to step up and break up with me...but shes putting it on me when she made the decision. thanks
Author trojans10 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Hey Emilia, do you have an email where I can reach you at? I am having a hard time figuring all of this out. Would love to message w/ you. Thanks. She left yesterday to training, and I agreed to commit for the time being. This is too much for me to handle I'm thinking...blah.
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