iwanttolive Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Hi, I'm a 30 yo lady who have been engaged for the last two years. I can't postpone marriage for much longer. So it's either aisle or splitville. Maybe after three years of dating, we have lost the fire. And I'm lost, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where to go next. Hope married couples can help me with some of my burning questions: 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. 2. Will I be lonely when I'm old if I decide to stay single? 3. I am contemplating of having kids out of marriage. Maybe through sperm banks or ONS. Am I crazy? 4. Are marriage women less attractive than single women (given the same looks, age and intelligence level)? 5. Which is more attractive to guys? A hot 40 yo married women or a hot 40 yo single women? (I'm picturing a scenario 10 years down the road) 6. Or maybe he's just not right for me? How do you decide when a human being keeps changing??
TaraMaiden Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. in that case, don't even contemplate the M word. It's my personal opinion that human beings - as mammals - are not originally programmed to remain monogamous. We were never "made" to keep to one partner for life. But that's the way we have become 'Conditioned' to think. So the answer is simple: Commit to one partner, if you believe you can honour that commitment, and remain faithful and not cheat. If you don't think you can, be honest all round - and forget exclusive commitment. 2. Will I be lonely when I'm old if I decide to stay single? That's up to you. We all decide the lives we lead. Make the right choices and even if you end up alone, you needn't be lonely. The two are not necessarily exclusive. It doesn't necessarily follow.... 3. I am contemplating of having kids out of marriage. Maybe through sperm banks or ONS. Am I crazy? Practically? No. On virtually every other count? Yes. 4. Are marriage women less attractive than single women (given the same looks, age and intelligence level)? Look at the amount of affairs married women are having then realise that's actually a dumb question. whether they should actually be having affairs, is a whole different ball park. The answer in short - is no. 5. Which is more attractive to guys? A hot 40 yo married women or a hot 40 yo single women? (I'm picturing a scenario 10 years down the road) This tells me that even before considering marrying, you are seriously thinking about having an affair, and whether you would still be an attractive commodity to passing male pheromones. Don't get married, if this is the way your mentality works. You are clearly, CLEARLY not cut out for it. I would also seriously question the state of you current relationship and actually? Leave it. 6. Or maybe he's just not right for me? How do you decide when a human being keeps changing?? All human beings change all of the time. Nobody stays the same. People evolve, mature change opinions, shape, weight, hair colour, ideas, tastes and shoes. Nothing - ever - stays - the - same. The secret is in how much you are prepared to adapt, evolve and compromise with that person. Do they matter more to you than a single life does? If not, be single. What you are scared of is isolation. What you want, is the 'security' of marriage with the freedom of the single life. Well, I'm afraid that's a no-brainer. And it's one or the other. Choose. 3
Ninja'sHusband Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) Please do not get married. You sound very much like you would put your mate through hell. If he wants to marry or split, then split. Marriage is a LONNNGGG term relationship and once you have kids things get MUCH more complicated. Don't create a tragedy, stay single. btw I am divorcing my wife of 14 years because of an affair (dated for 4 years, so a total of 18 years together). We have a 9 year old daughter. It kills me what is happening to us... Edited May 9, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband
BetheButterfly Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Hi, I'm a 30 yo lady who have been engaged for the last two years. I can't postpone marriage for much longer. So it's either aisle or splitville. I am curious. Does your fiance want to get married but you don't? Maybe after three years of dating, we have lost the fire. And I'm lost, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where to go next. Hope married couples can help me with some of my burning questions: If you are not 100% sure you want to marry a specific person, please don't marry that person. 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. My personal experience is that it is an act of the will based on my personal convictions. I believe in God and that God desires for people to live pure lives under the umbrella of His guidelines. So, that is how I stay committed to my hubby! I simply do not allow my mind to wander to other hot guys, and I appreciate my husband having the same self-control based on his personal convictions, which are similar to mine. 2. Will I be lonely when I'm old if I decide to stay single? I have no idea. 3. I am contemplating of having kids out of marriage. Maybe through sperm banks or ONS. Am I crazy? No. However, before you do so, make sure to volunteer with children if you have not had much experience taking care of them. Kids aren't playthings or possessions, so it's important to understand that when one brings a child into the world, that child is a unique soul who requires unconditional love, protection, and loving care providers, as well as a safe and secure and positive environment. I personally believe it is ideal for a husband and wife who have made a commitment to each other to raise a child together. However, it is understandable that other people have other ideals. 4. Are marriage women less attractive than single women (given the same looks, age and intelligence level)? Nope. It just means that women who are married made a commitment. 5. Which is more attractive to guys? A hot 40 yo married women or a hot 40 yo single women? (I'm picturing a scenario 10 years down the road) Who cares? As a married woman who loves her husband, the only man I care about being attracted to me is my husband. When I married him, all the other guys melted into the background. I could care less what they think of me. 6. Or maybe he's just not right for me? How do you decide when a human being keeps changing?? Life is a constant change for most people (at least, for people who are not into mundane routines), so one has to evaluate one's own objectives and goals in life and see loving and committing to a specific person is one of their goals in life.
Radu Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) Hi, I'm a 30 yo lady who have been engaged for the last two years. I can't postpone marriage for much longer. So it's either aisle or splitville. Maybe after three years of dating, we have lost the fire. And I'm lost, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where to go next. Hope married couples can help me with some of my burning questions: 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. i'm a guy, but i think it applies. I can stay commited because i know for a fact that even if my relationship could reconcile from an infidelity it will never be the same. Also, i wasn't raised that way and i have felt firsthand what infidelity can make you feel like. 2. Will I be lonely when I'm old if I decide to stay single? depends what you mean by old. If you mean geriatric, probably yes because on average men die younger than women ... ppl like you tend to send us to our early graves. We don't like drama. 3. I am contemplating of having kids out of marriage. Maybe through sperm banks or ONS. Am I crazy? no, but kids do need a masculine and a feminine rolemodel in their lives, regardless of gender. However, that rolemodel doesn't need to be their father or a husbad. On the other hand, considering your questions in this OP, they might get affected by your way. Hint ... single parents [moms for example] don't tend to present into their kid's lives a new uncle every season. Kids do need some stability. 4. Are marriage women less attractive than single women (given the same looks, age and intelligence level)? married women need to be attractive to their husbands, their partners. Single women need to attract more males, not just 1. It has been my experience that on average older unmarried women tend to be in very good shape and quite good looking. There are tons of cougars out there. 5. Which is more attractive to guys? A hot 40 yo married women or a hot 40 yo single women? (I'm picturing a scenario 10 years down the road) attractive to whom ... read my above answer 6. Or maybe he's just not right for me? How do you decide when a human being keeps changing?? human beings are not constant. We are on a continuum, we constantly change by way of our daily interactions. Many ppl chase this 'right' person forgetting that person is 'right' with a very small warranty untill he/she decides to change something or is forced to change something by life. Look, i don't mean to be mean but ... you're not ready for kids. And i don't think you're ready for marriage either. If you want to get there, get some help [iC] and look inside of you, start asking the questions you yourself don't want to answer, go over that self-survival instinct we have in our ego. Or, do nothing and keep having fun with guys with no serious strings attached. This option is not bad, many women/men choose it. There are enough ppl on the planet already and if you don't really want to become a parent, then don't let society shame you into doing it. It's not fair for your prospective partner or for future children. TaraMaiden made a very good point. You seem to be looking for the security of marriage and the freedom of being single. Such a thing is possible, swingers/open/polyamory but all of these involve acceptance from your spouse. Edited May 9, 2012 by Radu
pink_sugar Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. My answer for you is you shouldn't be getting married if you feel this way. 2
nofool4u Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. Then do your fiance a favor and break off the engagement. 2. Will I be lonely when I'm old if I decide to stay single? Thats really your problem. Because with your desire and attitude, if you marry this poor schmoe, he'll end up having an unfaithful wife, if your attitude doesn't already make you unfaithful. 3. I am contemplating of having kids out of marriage. Maybe through sperm banks or ONS. Am I crazy? Yes 4. Are marriage women less attractive than single women (given the same looks, age and intelligence level)? Has nothing to do with marriage. 5. Which is more attractive to guys? A hot 40 yo married women or a hot 40 yo single women? (I'm picturing a scenario 10 years down the road) Either one. But what does it matter if you are married? Sure you want to look good, but wanting to attract guys when married is the wrong attitude to have. I think you need to stay single. 6. Or maybe he's just not right for me? I don't think anyone is right for you. You like the excitement of wanting to bed down "different" guys. You don't want to forsake all others. So don't. End it with your fiance so he can find someone marriage minded.
pteromom Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. Flirt with hot guys and then go home and take it out on your husband. 2. Will I be lonely when I'm old if I decide to stay single? Not if you surround yourself with friends and keep your connections alive. 3. I am contemplating of having kids out of marriage. Maybe through sperm banks or ONS. Am I crazy? I don't think you are really ready for that. Since you are 30, give yourself a few years and see how you feel at 35. Plus, a 40 year old single woman without kids is MUCH hotter than a 40 year old single woman with kids. LOL 4. Are marriage women less attractive than single women (given the same looks, age and intelligence level)? Why does this matter? If you are married, you don't need to be attractive to others. 5. Which is more attractive to guys? A hot 40 yo married women or a hot 40 yo single women? (I'm picturing a scenario 10 years down the road) ???? Again, why does this matter? 6. Or maybe he's just not right for me? How do you decide when a human being keeps changing?? Do you feel free to be 100% yourself in the relationship? Is he supportive of your growth and happiness? Is he respectful and kind? Still - if you are thinking about how attractive you are to other guys, you aren't ready for marriage.
nofool4u Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. Flirt with hot guys and then go home and take it out on your husband. If a woman feels the need to get all hot and bothered by another man, then she doesn't need to be with me. Why would someone with any self respect care to be used just for releasing sexual energy? I want someone to want to have sex with ME, not some other guy. If a woman of mine came home from a night of surrounding herself with "hot guys", first of all, I wouldn't be with a woman like that. Second, I'd tell her she doesn't get to disrespect me with other men, and expect me to have sex with her because she got herself worked up over other men. I'd tell her she needs to sleep on the couch, and probably pack in the morning. Still - if you are thinking about how attractive you are to other guys, you aren't ready for marriage. Agree 100%
GardenDiva Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 If you're even asking these questions, you're not ready. You're better off staying single. When you meet the right person, at the RIGHT time, you won't even be asking these type of questions. (Married almost 17 years here.)
HHC Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 1. How can you stay committed to one partner? There are so many hot guys that I wish to bed. I get very high flirting and playing games with hot guys. How does your fiance feel about this behaviour of yours or do you hide it from him? You need to discuss this with your fiance and find a way of either dealing with it, or allowing it. 2. Will I be lonely when I'm old if I decide to stay single?You marry because you can't live without them, not because you're afraid of being alone 3. I am contemplating of having kids out of marriage. Maybe through sperm banks or ONS. Am I crazy?Why wouldn't you have your fiance's child? 4. Are marriage women less attractive than single women (given the same looks, age and intelligence level)? Less attractive to whom? 5. Which is more attractive to guys? A hot 40 yo married women or a hot 40 yo single women? (I'm picturing a scenario 10 years down the road)What a strange question. Why is it so important to you to be attractive and why does being married matter? Why do you want to be attractive to guys and what do you want from them? Especially when you're married. 6. Or maybe he's just not right for me? How do you decide when a human being keeps changing??I wouldn't encourage you to marry. You're all about superficial and not about substance
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I personally wouldn't attach too much importance to responding here.... Having checked the OP's posting record, it's periodical, sporadic and frankly she seems disinterested in the opinions of others because on average, it's an attendance record of once every couple of months or so.... She comes and goes without too much commitment or concern about her threads at all......*shrug*
newmoon Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 it's ok to not want marriage :-) maybe you'd prefer a more open arrangement - not in the sense of being with other people necessarily, but in terms of just being a couple without the paper to back it up. just live together happily until you're ready to move on; then you haven't entered into something you might feel trapped in
Joaquin Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 If you're even asking these questions, you're not ready. You're better off staying single. When you meet the right person, at the RIGHT time, you won't even be asking these type of questions. (Married almost 17 years here.) I felt like this at 30 so ended a relationship that was headed to marriage. I just knew I wanted to drink from the furry cup some more. Would have been a tough marriage otherwise.
g450 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 iwanttolive, I looked over some of your posting and can honestly say that you have some major issues. You seem to have an endless stream of drama to your postings. It's always something new with you. Sometimes I wonder if you come here for entertainments sake. If so, Shame on you. This is not a Jerry Springer episode. There are real people here with painful problems. The fact that you post stuff like this and then go MIA is telling. But honestly, if your posting is genuine and isnt just more of your usual drama then my advice is simple and similar. Please do not get married. Ever!
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