Dragonsden Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 ... an ex who throws breadcrums now and then or an ex who doesnt contact you at all? Some say you would be fortunate in dealing with one who deosn't lead you on or mess with your healing process. I find this difficult. I think breadcrumbs absorbed and handled the right way can be a healthy ego and/or confidence boost. My ex has not once initiated contact since the BU which was 7 months ago. I know she is with someone else. NC is reaching 5 months next week and is hard to believe that we had something so good going on , she does not miss ... or miss enough to reach out and hear from me. I am really up and down these days. Mostly down. I hate to admit it but I do miss her. I get surprised realising I spent an hour not thinking of her. Will I ever hear from her??
baguette Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I'm sorry man, but try your best to move on. Focus on yourself. You'll meet somebody new soon enough and forget all your emotional ties to your ex.
daisy088 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) I completely agree. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago after I had to force it out of him that he did not want to be with me Since then, I have run into him twice (one of the times, I initiated conversation and the other time neither of us said a thing) and have picked up my stuff/written him a few texts the first few days after the BU. Since he broke up with me though, he has not initiated contact. Not ONE word. Not even when he heard I had left town because I was so dysfunctionally heartbroken or when he undoubtedly found out a very close friend of mine had been in a terrible car accident at that same time. Not a how are you? Not a I miss you. Not a I hope youre doing okay... nothing The last contact we had, at a friends bday party last week, he told me he never loved me, he knew we were going to end the whole time, he was not "in love with me," I was not a girl he saw a future with and I was not the woman he wanted to marry. Repeatedly he said this things, then stormed off saying 'whatever' when I told him it was possible Id never see him again. I have not contacted him nor have I tried to reconcile. I actually have been very good about NC as a whole (other than the bday party incident which occurred because HE had a friend come up to me and tell me to talk to him... SO immature). I would agree. An ex who just silently disappears from your life is WORSE. It feels like the whole relationship was a cruel joke that never happened. I left town tonight and he knew that. No word, no goodbye. I most likely will never see him again and we lived together for a year/good friends and romantic for a few years. Really really hurts. Edited May 9, 2012 by daisy088
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 ... an ex who throws breadcrums now and then or an ex who doesnt contact you at all? Some say you would be fortunate in dealing with one who deosn't lead you on or mess with your healing process. I find this difficult. I think breadcrumbs absorbed and handled the right way can be a healthy ego and/or confidence boost. My ex has not once initiated contact since the BU which was 7 months ago. I know she is with someone else. NC is reaching 5 months next week and is hard to believe that we had something so good going on , she does not miss ... or miss enough to reach out and hear from me. I am really up and down these days. Mostly down. I hate to admit it but I do miss her. I get surprised realising I spent an hour not thinking of her. Will I ever hear from her?? An ex that never became an ex is the best bet, beyond that an ex is an ex, really. Let them have their fun, torture, etc., if that is what it may be, the fact is you have to move on regardless. You really want to be 'friends' with her? On that note, it is ok if she chokes on the 'breadcrumbs' a little, don't kid yourself.
Tree_Salmon Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Nothing surprises me anymore. Some women transfer all those hopes and dreams over to new people and just fly with it. I've been through a few of these so I know its extremely hurtful and difficult. Exercise, hang out with friends and accepting the pain then using it for your benefit is the way to go. I know it probably means nothing to you at this point but you have to let this go. 5 months is too long to still keep hope alive. Women can pick up that you are still holding out for them. trust me. the second you move on is the second she will call you. happens every time with me. but i force myself to let go quickly. force it until it becomes a way of life. Looking back at my relationships I'm always grateful that I left them
ScienceGal Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 The ex that stays away! But really, after enough time has passed and both of us have moved on, I wouldn't mind seeing or catching up with any of them. There is only one ex that treated me poorly in the end and I never want to see him again. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Yeah, the ex that goes away is better because everyone moves on in time. I am still friends with all of my ex's except for the latest. I realized that many grow up and many don't. My current ex is too crazy to accept the possibility of us talking as two human beings. Just stay away from her, just fight with your mind about it. Get over her and I bet you she'll make the first move. If she doesn't you'll be over her anyway. You dont understand how powerful that is now because you're still in it. Get your balls back. There are some great girls out there. I'm looking for them.
Svet74 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 My ex threw breadcrumbs for ten long months. Until I put an end to it. Personally I think your better off to be in no contact at all. Cuz when u finally move on then u move on. And your able to say no when they do finally contact you. I've been in both positions. Of course the no contact one was more painful. With this one no contact for 2 months now. We ignore each other. And I think about him more now then ever. 1
Author Dragonsden Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 I find it odd that even though I dont want anything to do with her I would still want to know she thinks of me. Her reaching out would give me some validation that I treated her good. That stating "I am the most important person in her life" two weeks before she leaves me for someone else wasnt a complete lie. I did not expect my recovery process to take this long. Maybe I am the one hindering my progress. I wish I could erase everything about her ala Jim Carrey in Ethernal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Because my life feels complete until I think of her.
ThatDudeXO Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 The one that goes NC. The emptiness of the contact of an ex that has moved on is so painful when you still love them. 2
Tree_Salmon Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Sounds like you are preventing yourself from moving on as quickly as you should. Dont project your own caring and logical mind to her, she is not you. Many women lie so as not to feel like bad people when they leave. Ive seen people do it many a time. She might have liked to believe what she said when she said it but it was probably to make herself feel better.
Almond_Joy Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 ... an ex who throws breadcrums now and then or an ex who doesnt contact you at all? Some say you would be fortunate in dealing with one who deosn't lead you on or mess with your healing process. I find this difficult. I think breadcrumbs absorbed and handled the right way can be a healthy ego and/or confidence boost. My ex has not once initiated contact since the BU which was 7 months ago. I know she is with someone else. NC is reaching 5 months next week and is hard to believe that we had something so good going on , she does not miss ... or miss enough to reach out and hear from me. I am really up and down these days. Mostly down. I hate to admit it but I do miss her. I get surprised realising I spent an hour not thinking of her. Will I ever hear from her?? Different strokes for different folks, man. I've had one of both and I prefer the latter. I need a clean cut and an uninterrupted recovery period. Some people need to let go in stages, though. Maybe you're of that cut. 1
Svet74 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 It just takes some time and your about half way there. Mine took 8 months to get over and was only a 4 month relationship
Tree_Salmon Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 It just takes some time and your about half way there. Mine took 8 months to get over and was only a 4 month relationship Holy crap. I thought I had it bad after 5 years. Its only been a month for me. I guess everyone works very differently.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Could it be you're hanging onto thoughts and feelings of her to avoid accepting it's over and so avoid getting on with your life? It's easy to live in regret, but it wears you down.
staringspace Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I've had breadcrumbs thrown at me, and like most people here, it had to be put to rest. NC has definitely helped me move on - it's only been 2 months from a 3 1/2 year relationship for me, but at the end of the day, the healing process has gone a lot faster since I stopped talking to that son of a ***** for good. I've finally realised, after a lot of hurt, that keeping contact is just not worth it (at least for me) and I'm a stronger person for it. I prefer not to be involved with him and what's going on in his life - it would only cause me more pain. 1
ThatDudeXO Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I've had breadcrumbs thrown at me, and like most people here, it had to be put to rest. NC has definitely helped me move on - it's only been 2 months from a 3 1/2 year relationship for me, but at the end of the day, the healing process has gone a lot faster since I stopped talking to that son of a ***** for good. I've finally realised, after a lot of hurt, that keeping contact is just not worth it (at least for me) and I'm a stronger person for it. I prefer not to be involved with him and what's going on in his life - it would only cause me more pain. I'm happy for you. I should have realised this so much earlier. Lessons learnt I guess!
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