dazednconfuzed Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 You won't believe this ... After nearly 2 months of absolutely no contact, my ex has the nerve to send me this e-mail. Hi. I've been wondering how you are doing? And wondering if you are sure you don't ever want to talk to me again? I have been busy. With real estate. Got a few possible good leads that should be falling into place the next couple weeks. Not in a relationship. But had met someone and went out a once and we are getting together again. How about you? How is the job coming along? Any plans of moving soon? I know you said you wanted to. Well, if you want to talk to me please e-mail me. Y'know what I feel like saying to her?? BITE ME
hurtingandconfused Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 If I were you I would send an email back saying: I'm good, thanks for asking. Take care bye bye.
johan Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Don't reply. Just forget it. If she had something real to say, she would have said it. Who knows why women do this. Some weird urge to see if you will still react, I think. I've seen it so many times. I always reacted, too. As if it meant there was hope. I was always wrong.
unreal Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Originally posted by dazednconfuzed You won't believe this ... After nearly 2 months of absolutely no contact, my ex has the nerve to send me this e-mail. Hi. I've been wondering how you are doing? And wondering if you are sure you don't ever want to talk to me again? I have been busy. With real estate. Got a few possible good leads that should be falling into place the next couple weeks. Not in a relationship. But had met someone and went out a once and we are getting together again. How about you? How is the job coming along? Any plans of moving soon? I know you said you wanted to. Well, if you want to talk to me please e-mail me. Y'know what I feel like saying to her?? BITE ME WTF?? The email sounded ok until this, "Not in a relationship. But had met someone and went out a once and we are getting together again." I know this may be hard for you to believe, but you are winning this battle with her. You know why? She cannot believe that you have not contacted her or chased her and she doesn't know how to handle it. So what does she do? She adds in that little tidbit about going out on another date with someone again to make you jealous. It is a desperation plea for you to get upset and think you are losing her to another man or that she is having another "one nighter" with this guy so that you will start chasing her. I mean come on, after two solid months of no contact, this is what she sends you because she is wondering how you have been? I'm sorry, but I don't think she contacted you to make up and be nice. I could be wrong, but this email stinks if you ask me?
sid3 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 smells kind of fishy to me, sounds like she wants you to not get over her, why mention the guy and that she is going out again. I wouldn't give her the time of day, you said it yourself "I was doing alright" .Well you can keep doing alright by not letting this get to you....just my opinion, good luck
dazednconfuzed Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 You're right ... I smell a rat, but what could she hope to gain by "not wanting me to get over her." She is not interested in me, so what the hell?
dasani08810 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 but what could she hope to gain by "not wanting me to get over her." You're her "just in case". That's what she hopes to gain. If you don't want to hear from her again, block her emails. If you want her to get the message that you don't want to hear from her, set up an auto-reply in your email program that simply emails back whatever auto-response you want to send her.
dazednconfuzed Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 This is the letter I got tonight from my ex ... Okay. I am very sorry. I made a mistake. Please e-mail me back. I want to know how you are doing. I miss talking to you. My life got so hectic and I just wasn't ready for anything with anyone. And you were WRONG "TOM" is not anything other than a friend and barely that now. I told you I wasn't interested in him and I meant it!!! I really want to talk to you again. I hope you are doing well. Please consider writing me back. What does this mean??? Is she playing more games with me?
seeking_closure04 Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 I totally agree with unreal, as well as with dasani. Why all of the sudden does she happen to care about what you're doing now? It almost sounds just like what dasani said, you're just her back up guy in case things don't work out with whomever she's seeing now or in the future. Do yourself a favor; keep pressing forth just as you were before she contacted you, go out and have a good time, think nothing of her, and don't give her the satisfaction that you're thinking of her.
seeking_closure04 Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 And by the way, yeah it does appear that she's trying to play head games with you...Don't go with it, actually, I have a suggestion. You don't have to go with me on it, but do this; e-mail her back, tell her everything was peachy until she had to ask you how you were doing, you could care less about her seeing some other shmuck, but thanks for asking, then block her emails from that point on, no matter how tempted you are to read them LOL.
seeking_closure04 Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Originally posted by dazednconfuzed This is the letter I got tonight from my ex ... "TOM" is not anything other than a friend and barely that now. I told you I wasn't interested in him and I meant it!!! I really want to talk to you again. I hope you are doing well. Please consider writing me back. What does this mean??? Is she playing more games with me? That almost sounds as if she's trying to hide something, and yet, why would she be trying to hide something if the two of you hadn't contacted each other in months? Something to think about.
jw32802 Posted July 9, 2004 Posted July 9, 2004 Dazed and confused Its funny I have been reading this book called "makeup, dont breakup" and it talks about how 6-8 weeks of not contacting someone can make a dramatic effect ~ I am not saying you should respond, but it seems to be about that amount of time, and shes probably realizing what she lost. They say 6-8 weeks seems to be the amount of time because they go into this emptiness and really realize what life is like without you; I am not even sure i believe her about the new guy, why did you guys break up?? I would do what the first person said. I wouldnt be all mean and everything, because then she will think you are still upset. I would just say "everything is going great, hope you are well! On my way out, have a graet day! bye" Im sure this will drive her nuts. you really didnt contact her for 2 mths??? she didnt try to contact you at all till 2 mth later? did you answaer that first email or no?
dazednconfuzed Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 Okay ... I sent her 3 sentences telling her that I am doing fine. Busy with my job. golf lessons and the like. Glad she was doing well. Gotta run. and this was her response ... Golf lessons? Way cool. You getting good? I am glad you wrote me back..really. Please don't make it sound so painful to write me. You seeing anyone? You still living in your haunted apartment? I hope we can talk really. I am sorry I was such an ass and a jerk. No excuses I know..I don't know what happened with me after my step-brother commited suicide. I just kind of lost it. I am sorry. Truly sorry. If she is playing headgames with me, then she is truly a sick person. I don't know how to react. I don't want to show her that I care and I certainly don't want to show her that I'm angry anymore because if she's playing games with me, she'll dig that. I thought an indifferent response was the best and most infuriating response I could give to her ... and it worked. It hurt her. I guess i have a choice now ... I can either try and pursue a friendship with her or I can forget about her, tell her that she blew it and that it's just not possible anymore (especially if she's got a new love) She has not brought the other person up yet so I'm not sure, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna volunteer any personal info about my love life to her ... and if she tells me about hers, I guess that's all I'll need to make up my mind about staying her friend or bailing.
BritRN Posted July 10, 2004 Posted July 10, 2004 I am sorry that she contacted you, but it the nature of a women that she makes sure that you are ok. She still feels responsible for you, and probably wants to be friends. Men and women are complicated. You could email her back, reassuring her that you are fine, and asking her not to contact you again. That way there is finality. I wish men and women were more a like, then this stuff would be easier.
nikkicam71 Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Okay, look...she is CLEARLY reaching. She regrets what she did, she probably misses the hell out of you and realizes she REALLY screwed up. Did you two keep in contact at all after she broke things off? I've posted several threads in various areas on this site. My ex dumped me two months ago...did the "Im really sorry" thing only two weeks after the breakup...he felt really bad for hurting me. I'd done nothing wrong when he dumped me, he was going thru his own stuff and simply couldn't deal/didn't want to be in a relationship. I allowed the "friendship" thing for five weeks...it made it much, much worse for me. I finally told him I can't be friends right now 19 days ago. IF you want her back, here's what I advise... Give her a call, if she doesn't answer, leave a message....VOICE is so much more personal than email. Tell her that you appreciate hearing from her, it was considerate of her to get in touch and that you accept her apology. Tell her that you've reached a point in your life where you're really happy, that you've moved past all of the negativity, and you're happy to hear she's doing well. IF she answers, ask her why she's contacting you so suddenly. If she pulls the I miss y ou and want to be friends deal, tell her you're really flattered that she's been thinking of you. BUT...tell her while you forgive her for hurting you, the feelings between you were too strong for you to attempt friendship at this time. Tell her that you've really gotten things together and your life is going well...at this time, you feel it's too soon to jeopardize your emotional wellbeing by trying to be friends with someone you had such strong feelings for so soon. Now, here's the kicker....IF you want her back, you can open the door at this point. Tell her that you will always care about her wellbeing...and if she's having second thoughts and or regrets about the breakup, if misses you on a different level, she's more than welcome to call and maybe you two can talk. IF that's what you want...if it isn't, simply tell her all of the other stuff and leave it at that. Either way, it shows dignity and maturity...you're being honest and open without being bitter, angry or hurtful. I hope this helps. ~Nikki
dazednconfuzed Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Nikki, Where were you a couple weeks ago LOL. I've already been chatting wtih her online. I will not give her my cell number. I think she does really feel bad for being a jerk. She even said that had I been patient, she would've come back to me. I called her on that one ... letting her know that I was patient ... and she admitted I was right. Any way ... since being with me she has gone on a few dates with 2 others. Neither worked out, but now I think she has somebody else. So fast? She only broke it off with one of them last week. I'm not sure what she's doing, but I don't think she'll ever come back to me, yet she is relentless and won't let me go. I know I can simply ignore her ... that's the beauty of modern technology. I ignored her for 2 whole months LOL. But ... The fact remains that my heart is still so broken. And yes, it is hard to be friends with a person whom you love or once loved. And I don't want her to see me bristling every time she asks if I am seeing anybody ... I really am a mature person, but this girl has thrown me for a loop emotionally. Last night when we were chatting, she asked if I was seeing somebody. And then kept pressing that stupid yahoo! audible that says It must be really lonely being you. I flew off the handle and told her I was going to be and logged off. The thing that hurt me the most about that is that I'm new to the area and it has been very difficult meeting people ... even friends. It has been horribly lonely here, but that hasn't stopped me from living. And when I logged back on and she messaged me, I explained that she had really pissed me off. She said she didn't realize that she had and that she was just bantering with me. She apologized. She knows that if she blows her chance, I will have no qualms about walking out of her life, so i think next time, she will tread more carefully. Thanks for your advice. Now I will have to see how things go. I will take it very slow with her and if she indeed has another, then I may just stop answering her messages ... put her on my ignore list and be done with it. We shall see ...
faux Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 This is cruel, but the thought would entertain me quite a bit if I were in your situation: Let her pine over you, and ignore her while you see her constant barrage of emails roll in. Respond every week or two with a sentence or two about how you saw a movie, went somewhere, or played golf. You know: "I went to see a movie last night. It was really good." Or: "I had the best shrimp dinner at this restaurant the other night. I have to go." I don't actually recommend doing this. I recommend you not respond to her and, for amusement, just watch her emails roll in constantly. If you become tempted to respond, just filter out her emails. I could never do what I suggested above, but when the thought stays "in my head" it sounds so funny.
Good heart Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Well according to the sequence of events, she won and you have lost the battle. Most likely, she was enjoying herself with somebody else in the past 2 months and now she wants you back because you were the spare man available. Women these days are living the uninnocent life, you will see in the next few weeks what will happen, most likely you will be dumped because she is in control now, she got youback when she wanted and you are (although directly not doing it) you have surrendered. to win this over again, you can add a mystery by playing the NC for another week and do not go back to her unless it is under your terms . my honest opinion, leave her let her learn not to be so cruel again , let her feel the hurt she caused you , let her suffer as much as she did to you, you owe it to yourself and all good men who have been dumped by selfish immatue women. just my opinion
dazednconfuzed Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 I know that I shouldn't have responded to her e-mail. I was in control when I was giving her the silent treatment ... but it got so tiresome. And the funny thing is, I don't think I'd take her back now. She says that she has someone ... but it's only been 1 week since she broke it off with what's his face. So I think she's just dating people ... and that's fine. I told her I do not have anyone. And I don't care if she knows or not. She is the one who has been the jerk in this situation. What goes around -- comes around. Yes, i let her know that I suffered over her, and I told her I wasn't ashamed of my feelings. But I wasn't joking when I said I wouldn't tolerate her crap again ... if she even breathes wrong, I am a dot on the horizon. And really the loss is hers.
dazednconfuzed Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Well you'all were right. She was playing head games with me. She said that she would be proud to talk about her new special someone and that all I had to do was ask her if she had anybody new in her life and she would tell me. I said it wasn't my concern. We had been talking via instant message for a while. Nothing really heavy ... mostly banter. Well she was asking me once again about my gf status and I told her that I only discuss my love life with close friends. She is in a band and she was sending me pics -- asking me to choose one for their website. 3 of them were funny looking, kinda blurry. One was ok. Then she sent a pic and it wasn't her at all ... it was her new special someone. I know she did that on purpose, but she apologized, saying that it was by accident and that this was her new beau and that they had a magnetic connection. I acted as if I didn't care, but as the conversation progressed, I told her that I was really glad she was in love and I wished her the best. But I couldn't be friends with her anymore because my heart just wasn't in it. She told me that she isn't in love ... they just hit it off really well (where have I heard that before.) She said that love comes overtime. I explained that whatever she felt for this new person, there is nothing good that I'm getting from our friendship. And why couldn't she just accept that? She got mad and told me it wasn't healthy to shut her out blah blah. I said one would argue that it isn't healthy to keep opening up things that should be left in the past. I realized tonight that there's no way she cares for me ... even as a friend, because if she cared, she would've respected me from the beginning and would've given my heart time to heal. These have all been games. And I was a sucker for responding to her after 2 months. I feel that I handled the situation with dignity and that I did what I need to do to completely move on. I know I will never see her again. I have blocked and ignored her e-mails. I deleted her pics and her phone number. Thank you all for the good advice.
jw32802 Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 i think shes making it up think about you. if you broke HER heart, would you purposefully send HER pictures of your new girl and talk constantly about her? No , you'd do the opposite
dazednconfuzed Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 J, please im me ... same as my email on yahoo
dazednconfuzed Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 After 1 year of no contact, she has e-mailed me to ask how I am doing and wanted to tell me that she's living in CA with her magnetic connection. Will this woman never quit? Of course, I immediately deleted her e-mail. She is nothing but an energy vampire ... let her go suck somebody else dry ...
aarsky Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Well my situation is weird and not quite like yours. My ex g/f at new years comes out and tells me shes pregnant with another mans child. We had a big fight and now ive put the no contact rule into effect as im told its never too late. I actually saw her at a mall last week and tried to explain my reactions (probably made me look like a wimp) but i felt i needed to clear my conciounse. She made it clear she doesnt want to see me again or hear from me either. Suddenly, just yesterday, she calls and l;eaves a message on my cell phone, that she needs something answered and that I definately can help her. Is she whacko? I think anyone who says men are crazier than women should have their head examined. You know, stick to your guns. If you're doing OK for the last two months, then you'll do OK for the next 20 years. Someone in here said it best and I dont know but maybe she knows that you've always had a soft spot for her and when she yells you'll come running. Remember, 5 billion people in this world. f them has to like you. Good luck.
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