Lone Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Hello all, Im in a bit of a sticky situation and i dont quite know how to handle it. The situation at the moment is that I’ve been seeing this girl for the past 2 months or so and everything has been brilliant! Shes amazing and all the clichés ud expect. Things been going so well…spending more time with each other every week and generally just enjoying each others company. We haven’t spoken about exclusivity or were we are going or any of that sh*t as everything’s just been piping along nicely. Yesterday however I got a long winded email from her which I will try to summarise briefly… basically said that shes in a sticky situation… loving her time with me but before we got together an ex bf had arranged to come visit from another city and stay with her etc….she hasn’t mentioned it to me until yesterday as she wasn’t sure if things would progress yada yada yada. But they have and she wanted to be completely honest with me…fair play. I respect that. The problem I have is that she gave me a bit of background on him and her and how she was trouble and he stopped talking to her and shes been trying to get back into his good books since. She has said nothing will rekindle but I get the feeling that she means long term not short term. i.e. they will get it on. I responded back saying was a lot to take in and that end of day she needs to do what makes her happy. – my angle here is that she will realise that we are actually all good and hopefully not go there. im just in a bit of a situation because I like this girl (which is rare for me) but now feel like have been given the option of a) just leaving it and be friends or 2) keep seeing her regardless of him and what might/probably will happen. She was lovely saying last thing she wanted was to hurt or upset me but she thought honesty was best and I agree it was. Im glad she told me. But my issue is that I don’t want to stop seeing her….but I cant accept that. I just cant. If he was to come over and something happen my feelings would change through no fault of my own. shes been texting me saying that I was right and it would cheapen us and that she doesn’t want to do that or disrespect me and that she doesn’t know what to do as she doesn’t want to give me up… All I replied was that I don’t want it to be the end but end of day she needs to do what makes her happy and either way she will be making the right decision for both of us. – I thought this was good as it means if she doesn’t do anything then great we will continue full steam ahead and if she does wel then im better off anyway as I don’t wanna be with anyone who would do that. I realise this is messy and hard to follow so appreciate all of you who are still here. I haven’t heard from her today but I was just wanting some advice…like I said I want to keep seeing her but im not going to settle. He doesn’t come to visit until end of month so we still have time together until then. So im thinking I have a few options: 1)just not speak to her and leave it completely up to her with my last text saying to do what makes her happy.-ie walk away and just hope she comes to here senses. 2)reveal that I really do have feelings for her but am worried this might scare her off. –plus it kinda goes without saying –we r very affectionate. 3)just bend over and accept it. There may be a fourth, fifth and so on options which I am happy to hear. Any advice is appreciated as this is definitely getting to me a bit coz I really do like this girl and appreciate her honesty and truth be told I have been there before so I know she must still have some feelings for him and now shes torn between losing me and him. Feel free to ask questions or PM me. Thanks a lot all.
baguette Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 If they're no longer together it doesn't make sense to me that he's staying with her. If she truly intended him to be an ex boyfriend, he wouldn't be staying with her.
Author Lone Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 If they're no longer together it doesn't make sense to me that he's staying with her. If she truly intended him to be an ex boyfriend, he wouldn't be staying with her. well unfortunately i have to admit that you are right. i know she is confused. What about her saying she doesnt want to give me up etc etc? Does that not mean i stand a chance at all? im just trying to figure out best way to handle this situation and hopefully get the desired outcome
Author Lone Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 bump.... i really need some advice on how to handle this situation... i want to keep seeing her but i dont want to be a pushover or lower my self worth... someone please help me
baguette Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) The way I see you, you have two choices: 1) Put your foot down, tell her you're really into her but won't stand to be second fiddle to her ex. She might realize that her and her ex are incompatible and come back to you eventually and will respect you for it, or she'll stay with him and you just saved yourself from an even more disastrous situation. 2) Keep seeing her, but distance yourself emotionally. That way you can still be in her company, but are ready to move on if need be. If you take this route, make sure you're the one in control of the relationship. Let her come to you more than you go to her. Otherwise she'll see you as weak and inevitably choose him anyway. Either way you go, you're going to have a hard time. I say you go with option 1. I'm sorry man. I'm going through something similar, but fast forward 8 months. The most important thing is not to lose your self-respect. That's more important than any relationship will ever be. Edited May 10, 2012 by baguette
Author Lone Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 hmmm i think ur right. hes only staying for 2 days. does that make any difference? if i was gonna do option 1 id probably see her this weekend make sure we have an awesome time then do it. he doesnt get here til end of month anyway. so that will give her time to see i guess. i dont think i could do option 2 without leaving a bad taste in her mouth before he comes anyway. i just dont wanna do it awhile before he gets here so she forgets about me?
Author Lone Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 oh and thank you so much for your help. i cant tell u how much i appreciate it
baguette Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I don't know man. 2 days, 1 second, it doesn't matter. The fact that she's making time to spend with him is a terrible sign. I suggest you have a blast this weekend, and before you leave have a serious talk with her. Tell her you care about her but won't stand for an ex in the picture. Then stick to your guns.
Author Lone Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 yes i hear what your saying. the thing is we arent together. its been a casual thing...hence why im even thinking about just dealing with it. we have never had a chat about what we are or where were going....weve only been seeing each other for like a month or so. only recently have things started to develop hence why she told me about the situation...
baguette Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Then have fun with it. Don't get too emotionally involved. That's all there really is to do at this point.
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