Picking Scabs

[dsw31]

What is wrong with me? Wait...don't answer that.I can't bare any mean comments tonight

 

I am so addicted to toxicity!

 

I just can't help myself! I feel like somehow I can manipulate

the situation but, in reality...I know I can't.

 

I just HAD to see my ex today!

 

I texted him to ask for something. He didn't have it but went through the trouble of getting it for me.

 

I met him right by his house to pick it up.He seemed like he wanted to hang but, didn't know how to say it. He asked what I'm going to be doing a couple of times & kinda lingered around a bit. Then I told him I had to go.

 

I kinda wanted to redeem myself from our last conversation so he could remember a better version of me.I was cold & mean last time he saw me.I also had to get my fix of information.Learned what I needed to know, & all for what?

 

Nothing!!

 

I guess I'm hoping that he'll actually have a clear head to think about things, for the next month, because he has to take a drug test soon.I kind of want to see him fail!

Or...if he does stay sober...I wonder what he'll be thinking, when he finally has a clear mind?

 

Either way - I know I need to rip this band aid off!

 

I'm sure nothing will come of it! I'm just picking my scabs

 

I know what I'm doing is wrong!

 

Toxicity is the hardest drug to go cold turkey from.

Edited May 9, 2012 by dsw31

[wilsonx]

Is your mind clear, or is it still racing 1000000000000 mph.

 

Focus on your head first, once you do that, you will have all the answers

 

PS, nothing wrong with picking scabs, the blood coming out reminds you you are still alive

[dsw31]

Is your mind clear, or is it still racing 1000000000000 mph.

 

Focus on your head first, once you do that, you will have all the answers

 

PS, nothing wrong with picking scabs, the blood coming out reminds you you are still alive

 

Nah...my mind doesn't really race.I just feel numb

 

I miss him but I feel calm.

 

Lol! I hear ya about the blood part!

Edited May 9, 2012 by dsw31