leftyright1 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I'm 35. I'm ready to settle down. Been dating a pretty amazing 28 year old also in the same place. We click on a lot of levels... however I have something that is causing me a lot of concern. We don't seem to be clicking sexually for a number of reasons. I may come off very shallow here but I am only posting this b/c I am wondering if I am and need to do a gut check or if this seems reasonable enough to end the relationship... So here it is -- her vagina just seems loose. I've asked her about her sexual past and she hasn't had a ton of partners but for whatever reason when I have sex with her, its just not nearly as pleasureable as its been with other women. I thought it was just me and that it would change but its been this way from the outset. Its OK sex but I just don't find myself nearly as into it as she is and its very troublesome to me b/c I think its starting to impact my desire for her. I really care for this woman but without sexual chemistry then I don't believe a relationship will last. She is also very needy in the sack - wants multiple orgasms each time. I do this for her to please her but she knows every time is not comfortable for me and not something I want to be doing each and every time yet she always wants that to happen for her. Perhaps my sexual desire is just not as in synch with hers but it worries me obviously. Is there anything I can do about this or is just is what it is and I need to either live with it or move on?
pteromom Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Is there anything I can do about this or is just is what it is and I need to either live with it or move on? There is nothing she can do about the size/shape of her vagina - outside of perhaps Kegels, but how do you bring THAT up? "Hey, honey, I notice your vagina is loose... here's an exercise you can do." Different positions may help. Like from behind with her legs closed and your legs on the outside, or with her on her side with her legs closed. As far as her expectations about sex, that is something you can negotiate. Perhaps once a week (or whatever works for you), you have a night where you have long, luxurious sex with multiple Os for her, one night you have a crazy passionate quickie, and the other times, you each get one O. LOL I would try to talk to her about expectations (or sexpectations LOL) before just throwing the relationship away. What do you have to lose if you are thinking about ending it anyway?
Feelsgoodman Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Is there anything I can do about this or is just is what it is and I need to either live with it or move on? A woman with a loose vagina is the female equivalent of a man with a tiny penis. I don't think you are being shallow at all for having doubts. If this woman can't satisfy you sexually, what's the point of staying with her? You need to move on. 2
Quiet Storm Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 What bothers you? Is it only a physical thing where you need more friction? Or is it a mental thing where you are wondering who stretched her vagina out and gave her endless O's every night?
dasein Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Have you tried putting the ankles up and over your shoulders? bending them back over her even further depending on her flexibility? This will keep the penis snug against the top of the vagina and helps with hitting the g spot also. Good luck.
motive2002 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I don't want to completely derail this, but have either of you considered anal?
Leigh 87 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 It won't work. With a women with a lose vagina - there are plenty of men who will fall in love with them, and feel very compelled to please them sexually. If a guy is really into a girl, he will really enjoy pleasing them in bed, sexually. The fact your already turned off by her vagina, before your even in love and totally crazy about her, is enough of a reason to end it NOW. MOreover, it is wrong to do this to her - she can find a guy who will love her despite her lose vagina.. and yet your holding her back by seeing if you can over look it? Do you see how your being selfish? This sort of happened to me with my boyfriend, to a smaller extent, and amost 2 years later we are very much in love....... I have a neat little vagina, but u can see the hood over my clit a tiny little bit. He had only got up and close with one other vagina before, that u could not see anything with ( no inner lips or clit visible), so the fact u could see my clit a tiny bit made him not like my vagina as much as the perfect one before me. .... Normally, that is enough reason to end it, the fact my guy was ignorant and immature regarding female genitalia... however, I had a certain feeling for him I could not shake, so I gave him a chance, as he told me he could improve himself and his immature views. Now, he is obsessed with my vagina, and can see he was immature and ignorant with his preferences down there. He fell in love with me and it worked out. However, I would not recommend a guy try to get past an issue like that. My case is rare, I think it is almost always better to LEAVE a guy if he has a problem in any form, with a girls vagina. .... because, as I said, once he is super into you, he will overlook things like that. .. then again, HOW lose IS she? If u genuinely arehaving trouble with feeling intense sexual pleasure, that IS a problem. Can you really get into the sex? With my boyfriend, we are very in love, and therefore sex is a really intimate, great experience..... with a lose vagina though? I am not sure how to deal with that, as a women. I guess I would rather find a guy who could handle it, rather than waste time with a guy who is not sure. Bottome line: if u cannot get truly turned on through sex, Iwould leave it. As I said - it is better to leave her to guys who can hande it. There is nothing wrong with u for not liking it. Each to their own. Just own your preferences and sexual NEEDS.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I'm 35. I'm ready to settle down. Been dating a pretty amazing 28 year old also in the same place. We click on a lot of levels... however I have something that is causing me a lot of concern. We don't seem to be clicking sexually for a number of reasons. I may come off very shallow here but I am only posting this b/c I am wondering if I am and need to do a gut check or if this seems reasonable enough to end the relationship... So here it is -- her vagina just seems loose. I've asked her about her sexual past and she hasn't had a ton of partners but for whatever reason when I have sex with her, its just not nearly as pleasureable as its been with other women. I thought it was just me and that it would change but its been this way from the outset. Its OK sex but I just don't find myself nearly as into it as she is and its very troublesome to me b/c I think its starting to impact my desire for her. I really care for this woman but without sexual chemistry then I don't believe a relationship will last. She is also very needy in the sack - wants multiple orgasms each time. I do this for her to please her but she knows every time is not comfortable for me and not something I want to be doing each and every time yet she always wants that to happen for her. Perhaps my sexual desire is just not as in synch with hers but it worries me obviously. Is there anything I can do about this or is just is what it is and I need to either live with it or move on? Be a man and move on. Why are you even on here asking us? You already know what to do. Now do it! 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 You said it, either live with it or move on. Some women are just larger than others. I think you have every reason to move on. If it isn't working out sexually, then there's no point to a relationship. A healthy relationship has lots of sex in it. Lots of women dump guys because of their penis, so I don't see why it should be different in this case.
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 So here it is -- her vagina just seems loose. I've asked her about her sexual past and she hasn't had a ton of partners... You're 35 years old and you believe a woman's vagina can stretch out from having a lot of sex? 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 STAR - as you probably know, it is very much a placebo affect.... My boyfriend knew I had not had sex in about 5 years before him, and I am naturally tightish and do keggels... therefore he was like " WOW your tight wow wow" .... When in reality, I was just not overly wet.. giving the illusion of tightness... LOL. ANd, I am tight any way. Like wise, guys assume a girl who has gotten around a bit, is looser, as u also mentioned...... .... A female vulva ( the outward part) can indeed, change through sexual trauma or over use, particularly sex when your not aroused. The outside part can change appearance if it is stretched and the girl has dry sex too often.. But yes, more guys need to realize that the actual vagina cannot change size, aside from child birth; even then, some women change a little, bt most go back to much the same as before birth.
irin Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Is there anything I can do about this or is just is what it is and I need to either live with it or move on? There is nothing she can do about the size/shape of her vagina - outside of perhaps Kegels, but how do you bring THAT up? "Hey, honey, I notice your vagina is loose... here's an exercise you can do." Different positions may help. Like from behind with her legs closed and your legs on the outside, or with her on her side with her legs closed. As far as her expectations about sex, that is something you can negotiate. Perhaps once a week (or whatever works for you), you have a night where you have long, luxurious sex with multiple Os for her, one night you have a crazy passionate quickie, and the other times, you each get one O. LOL I would try to talk to her about expectations (or sexpectations LOL) before just throwing the relationship away. What do you have to lose if you are thinking about ending it anyway? -maybe your not big enough? -(the bold part) seriously? its too much for you to please her? does she ask for too much oral? you should be glad that she wants sex, so many men on here complain about sexless relationships. theres no need to negotiate on this if you cant please her and she cant please you then move on.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) First, as others above mentioned you need to realize that she's not loose from lots of casual wild sex, this is the way she is built. Secondly understand that when a woman is aroused, as well as just some women are more sexual in nature and more easily aroused than others...they will open up and become "looser" which typically is also much wetter. A lot of these women you were in the past were likely built smaller as well likely less aroused or even less capable of being as aroused as your current gf is. A woman will of course become conditioned If you're pounding her every night or every other so this may change the way she feels during sex and become more easily engaged in sexual activity/her vagina responds differently, however to open up so a truck could drive in would take some pretty significantly large objects being stuffed inside her on a regular basis...and this is not something anywhere near the average woman is doing, these are typically those women with the gapping a-holes that can fit bottle in there for porn...you will stretch after lots of repetitive stretching but it takes a whole lot. Lastly you need to face the situation of are you feeling this way because you're judging her because her vagina is loose, therefore you feel like that's a turn off because you feel that means promiscuity. Hopefully that's been cleared up by now, so next you need to determine If you have the sexual desire to please her as often as she'd like...If not you need to come to a compromise on that..and surely this will slow down as you are together longer. If it's making you insecure and feeling like less of a man because you can't "fill" this one up when you have the others, that's also an insecurity you should deal with, she's obviously getting off and understand her body and isn't complaining and doesn't even seem to have an issue other than not getting it enough. So that's something you should work on personally If that's just something that's making you feel like less of a man because you should be "bigger"...If she's ok and happy you're just creating problems for yourself and your own conscience. The unfortunate part is the finality in your voice about this, jumping already to the conclusion of ending this relationship...which hopefully is not your insecurity beating out the way you feel for this girl...because If you don't have the emotions for her and you already know how you feel then in that scenario there's no reason to continue the relationship...however If it's something more to do with you, maybe It's something you can work on...If it's just that she's not the right girl for you then make a decision as well, because IF you're unsure how you feel then in man speak that means the emotions just aren't there to have the motivation to work through your relationship issues and will only hurt you in the future. Personal input: Lots of women in my experience have always been concerned with how tight they felt, however the best sex I've had with a woman was with a loser/larger rather than tighter...vagina. It just felt better in more positions, got wetter, and just worked for me. However It's not something I place any bearing on, the size doesn't matter for me personally because for me there are lot more factors with sex/chemistry/passion/other physical qualities/attractions than the size of a vagina for me. Incompatibility is incompatibility, you could simply just be incompatible with her...for myself your situation wouldn't be an issue for me If not highly desired, but this isn't a contest...It's why there are different people with different needs and desires out there. Edited May 9, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 1
Emilia Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 This thread should be in the sexual reproduction section. But to give you a response OP: I think your issue is with her perceived sexuality rather than her build. Why isn't it comfortable for you that she wants so much in bed? Do you mean physically it's hard work or do you resent her for being so sexual?
Professor X Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 This thread should be in the sexual reproduction section. But to give you a response OP: I think your issue is with her perceived sexuality rather than her build. Why isn't it comfortable for you that she wants so much in bed? Do you mean physically it's hard work or do you resent her for being so sexual? Ye, I gotta agree, it does sound like his issue is with her sexual energy rather than her being loosen. I can't imagine a guy complaining about his SO enjoying multiple orgasms in a row. Would you rather have a corpse in bed? I don't get you man. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Hmm, could it possibly be that the fact he is not entirely into her, in turn, make him put off by her overt sexuality? I cannot see so much, a guy that is really crazy about a girl, caring as much about her lose vagina, or her high sex drive.... Just a thought. Could be wrong. Not being really into a girl seams like it could make a high sex drive... undesirable
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Is it only her vagina? Apart from that, are you sexually attracted to the way she looks?
Yookie Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Explore some new positions that will make it feel tighter for you. There are many you can do with her legs closed that will cause a tighter grip.
Emilia Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Just a thought. Could be wrong. Not being really into a girl seams like it could make a high sex drive... undesirable Or if he is really conservative or have that Madonna/whore complex or is insecure about his own experience. Who knows. I'll be surprised if the OP comes back
Author leftyright1 Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Wow. Many more response than I expected. Some very good advice here which I appreciate. A few questions were in some replies so I'll try to answer those... I don't believe I'm insecure about my own experience. I've been with enough women to know what feels great and what doesn't. I haven't simply walked away b/c there are many other good things and I think just walking away is not always the answer (I'm also 35 and know the realities of how hard it is to find a great partner - I'm just being honest) We've tried many other positions and this hasn't really helped. I'll obviously continue to try this with her but I don't see this solving it. I am attracted to her physicially. The ability for me to orgasm can take up to 45 minutes or so b/c it just doesn't feel snug enough. For some people I totally understand that amount of time is fine each and every time. Its just not something that is enjoyable to me when it takes that amount almost every time with her. Question-- Ye, I gotta agree, it does sound like his issue is with her sexual energy rather than her being loosen. I can't imagine a guy complaining about his SO enjoying multiple orgasms in a row. Would you rather have a corpse in bed? I don't get you man. I don't desire to have multiple orgasms and maybe thats the issue - her drive is just higher than mine. I never have actually - one really great session a day has always been enough for me several times a week. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy pleasing her and if she wants more orgasms in one sitting on occasion I am happy to satisfy her as it makes me feel great to be able to please her. Someone mentioned to talk this out more and I've hinted at it and she has explained she has these needs. It makes me feel like she's being slightly selfish but I think the advice to talk this out more with her makes sense before walking away.
veggirl Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Or if he is really conservative or have that Madonna/whore complex or is insecure about his own experience. Who knows. I'll be surprised if the OP comes back Or, as he *said*, she has a loose vagina. OP I would seriously move on. If you have this complaint now, it's not going to get better in marriage. A lifetime is too long to live with sex that doesn't rock your world imo.
InJest Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Start doing anal with her. She wants you completely satisfy her, so you should get the same in return. If she declines, I think it's time to move on. Her vag definitely isn't going to get smaller.
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