TheSingleGuy Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I understand women are not attracted to the overly jealous or insecure boyfriend/husband. I also understand women aren't attracted to the naive boyfriend/husband. And a trusting boyfriend/husband is always attractive. That said, how do you know where the line is drawn on these things? Here's and example: I run a small business out of my home. I hire a personal assistant to do admin work, housekeeping, errands, etc. It's always been a woman. Women tell me that I'm hot, sexy & handsome. I hear this all the time. The last personal assistant came in and quit unexpectedly last fall. Her car pulled up and a guy was driving. She came in and said this would be her last day. She had a boyfriend (that she hadn't mentioned) and she had told him about the job but never told him it was in my home. When he found out, he made her quit that day. This new girl, she's married. I've met her husband a few times. He totally trusts this situation. She has made it very obvious to me, several times, that, if I make a move, it would be on. (I have no interest in her at all.) Her husband, I assume, totally trusts the entire situation. So, was the boyfriend last fall too jealous and insecure? Or is the husband trusting to the point of being naive? Has either one of these men behaved in an attractive way? I am SO CONFUSED on this subject. Personally, I think the first girl is going to label her boyfriend jealous, insecure and controlling. Even though the married woman would never admit this, I don't see how she can't help but think, at least subconsciously, that her husband is trusting to the point of it just being naive and he's burying his head in the sand to the potential for foul play. I mean, seriously, she's thrown herself at me a few times with things she says, not physical contact, but verbally. I mean, if I had bad intentions, this entire thing has got seduction written all over it. These women develop a real relationship with me. They know how I like my laundry done, they know what brands or groceries to buy, they know how I like my food cooked. I'm in a position of authority over them. If my girlfriend told me she wanted to take a job like that, I'd be INSANELY insecure about it. Especially if the guy was good looking.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 A woman determines a man's qualities based on her attraction to him. This is why two men can misbehave in the same way yet she'll see one as not misbehaving at all, or one guy treating her poorly but another treating her well yet she will see the latter as abusive, a stalker, or some other pejorative and the former as a sweetheart.
thatone Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 exactly. and honestly, there is no universal truth about what women are attracted to. why do you think women from abusive families wind up sporting black eyes and domestic violence calls to the cops as adults? people gravitate to familiarity, and cycles repeat.
LZ2000 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 This seems to give me the impression that women are getting more friskier by the minute. Oh my.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 My ex-girlfriend had an apartment upstairs from some restaurants on street level. A guy that was pursuing her, before I came along, once called her from a restaurant below and invited her down for a drink. She labeled this guy creepy and stalkerish. But she also said that if I had done the exact same thing, it wouldn't have been creepy, it would've been sexy. I guess women just throw these derogatory labels around when they feel unattracted. So there's really no such thing as too jealous. But if your girl calls you jealous, it's just an indication that she's losing attraction in general. Naive, on the other hand, is equal to burying your head in the sand to avoid confrontation. I would guess that's always gonna decrease attraction with a woman. I guess if my gut is telling me to control a situation with my girl, I should.
xxoo Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 There is a difference between jealous and controlling. A little jealousy, properly expressed, can be a good thing. It keeps us on our toes, and keeps us from taking each other for granted. A little jealousy is flattering, and shows your partner that you recognize her as attractive to other men. Controlling, otoh, is a huge turn off. In fact, it is a deal breaker. If you feel you have to prohibit your gf from certain jobs due to jealousy, that is a problem.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 ++++If you feel you have to prohibit your gf from certain jobs due to jealousy, that is a problem++++ I'm telling you, if my girlfriend wants to take a job working for a single, good looking rich guy, working in his home, where seduction is totally possible, I would freak the F*** out...if I was really in love with her. I think the boyfriend acted correctly. I think the husband is totally burying his head in the sand. The only possible excuse I can think of for the husband, in the above example, is that he knows his wife is completely out of my league and I wouldn't be interested at all, which is the case. Still, the fact remains, she's made it abundantly clear that it's available if I want it. She'd cheat around on him with me. Maybe not due to his handling of this situation alone, but this could be a contributing factor to her willingness to cheat on him. I'm glad I posted this thread. From now on, if the girlfriend is doing something that makes me feel jealous, I'm gonna let her know. I won't "tell" her to correct the issue, even if it means quitting her job, but if she doesn't, she'll get dumped over it. Actually this recently came up with my girlfriend, twice, with jobs she had either taken or was considering.
LittlePrince Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 If you feel you have to prohibit your gf from certain jobs due to jealousy, that is a problem. Yeah you have the wrong gf. She wouldn't put you in such a position. She would know better and consider your feelings just as you would consider hers.
make me believe Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 So, OP, if your girlfriend were to demand that you fire the women working for you and only hire men would you do that? I actually agree with you that the situation you describe is not a good one. I wouldn't want my husband working alone with a woman in her house because I think it's playing with fire and I believe marriages should have stronger boundaries in place. Let's face it, most affairs start in the workplace or between opposite sex "friends." It's not something I want to risk in my marriage. But if you would freak out about your gf accepting a job like this with another man, then why is it ok for you to hire women??
LittlePrince Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Hire a lesbian or a man. But he is so handsome they would become reoriented just by gazing upon him.
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