silicis n volvo Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I dont know what i want from this. Maybe advice or just cheering up a little i dont know. My ex broke up with me several weeks ago. It wasnt mutual and i was left totally heart broken. She did it over text message and met up with another guy that night. I was completely in love with this girl we were together about 10 months. I did everything for her tried so hard to make her happy. i put her before any other aspect of my life. I never had the same sort of effort back from her most the time she was moody with me. When it happened i sent her a very long and angry message telling her that i felt shes just thrown my love back in my face and shes an immature child for doing it by text and she wasnt who i thought she was. No nasty name calling but some really hurtful things. I felt crushed. Ive had relationships before but she was my first love. The first girl ive ever said i love you to. I came to LS and learnt about no contact. I kept it up for a couple of weeks but as id never been in this situation before and didnt know the consequences of breaking NC i text her. I tried to get answers for why she did what she did and ofcourse didnt get anything. It got heated again but when i tried to say sorry for the horrible message i sent she wouldnt listen. so i basically said "fine, go to hell" This has taken over my life i feel destroyed but since that relapse i havnt contacted her since. But theres a problem. I cant get away from her or her friends. I really want to get over her but i cant. A good example is this saturday. I drive into town to get some things for the apartment and i see her car parked near mine. Shes now on my mind for hours. Later me and my friends go into town on the night and get bit drunk and i bump into a friend of hers who tells me she was crying over the horrible message i sent her. This completely ruins my night and she is all i think about im just glad i havnt seen her in person or it would cripple me...but as the night goes on we drink more and end up in the nightclub that everyone ends up in. Im near the bar talking to another girl and my ex's sister turns up out of nowhere closely followed by my ex. Her sister is shouting at me and telling the girl im with not to talk to me becsuse i was horrible and treated my ex badly. I literally didnt say a word i just shook my head at my ex and waited untill they walked off. Fortunately the other girl wasnt phased by this but it didnt matter my mind was entirely focused on my ex and i lost interest in every one else. Shes ruining my life and i dont know what to do or how to deal with it and how to get over her. I also want to know why shes telling people i treated her badly? I couldnt have been nicer to her if i tried my friends said i was a pushover and thats why she left me. Why did she come anywhere near me saturday night? Why is she making people against me and what do i do to get away from her without giving up the things ive always done in my life. I need help.
Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 She's not ruining your life. The relationship is over and she is no longer part of your life. She may say things but she is hurting and doing whatever she feels is necessary to make her feel better right now. Anyone who knows you doesn't believe her stories and anyone who believes her stories isn't worth knowing. You're letting this ruin your life and focusing on it instead of embracing all of the good things you have going for you.
Author silicis n volvo Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 I cant help focusing on it i loved her and she broke my heart. But its not just me focusing on it because she, and her friends and family are approaching me and making life difficult for me. Was i right to keep quiet when she came up to me saturday night? A huge part of me wants to say to her to grow the f*ck up stay away from me and stop lying about our relationship. i want her to know shes a coward and that im trying to move on.
Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 The good feelings from being angry are just temporary but the regrets from acting on them will last forever. Don't make yourself look like a fool... take the high road.
Author silicis n volvo Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) How do i make up for what i said when she broke up with me? And how do i deal with her making things difficult for me? I want to move on but .....well ive already explained Edited May 8, 2012 by silicis n volvo
Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 How do i make up for what i said when she broke up with me? By not doing anything to interrupt her healing. Anyone who truly knows you will know you were speaking from a place of hurt. As she matures she will realize such things. If she doesn't then she doesn't know you anyways then speaking to her will do no better than talking to a rock.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Maybe you are just going to have to write to her via email or something and just write it all out for her to read. That way it gets if off your chest and she knows twhat you're thinking. After that I'd try to go no contact and hope it helped?
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 you need to read this all the way through- several times - digest this - harsh but true - And choose, whether you are going to keep walking down the spiral staircase - or turn around start climbing, and head for daylight. It's your choice, and entirely up to you.
Author silicis n volvo Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Tara i dont need to re-read those posts this threads main point is irrelevant to those threads. And raptor its not about me leaving her to heal...read what happened last saturday its not me approaching her. Im trying to move on from someone whos making it difficult for me.
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 time and again, I have advised you to read the NC guide. It's all in there. Everything you need to make it through.... Others will only make it difficult if you let them. If you tell them in no uncertain terms what you will stand for - and what you WON'T stand for - then by giving clear signals, and standing by them - and giving consequential behaviour if they don't - you'll get to move on. The reins are in your hands. You control what goes on in your life. Nobody else does.
Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You do need to get away so that the both of you can heal. She and her associates are being quite immature and her actions are coming from a place of hurt as well. You sent a message and she is holding onto it in order to stay angry... and anger is empowering when used correctly. But using it to hurt others is a poor use of it. You already know where she is coming from and what she holds against you. You've already tried once to make it better and it didn't matter to her. For now you need to protect yourself and keep away from those who wish to harm you. Whether it means hanging out in a different area for awhile or doing things at different times.
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