StellaA Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Some of you may have read my previous threads. My partner suffered a break down a year ago and ended up in hospital for 2 weeks. We seperated when he came out, he said he needed some time apart. 2/3 months later he asked if we could talk ang work at our relationship again. I was going away for 3 weeks at the time so said we would discuss when I get back. I missed him, never stopped loving him and wanted to give it a second chance. Now it is a year since it happened and about 6 months since we have been back together. I love him and enjoy being with him but am finding I can't completely let my guard down and trust him yet. I keep telling myself with time this will get better, does anyone else know how this feels? Am I 'normal' to still be feeling like this???
Exit Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Some would consider it normal and others wouldn't. How hurt were you the first time when he ended it? The harder you took it, the harder it will be to forget. I notice there's a gap in your time line, if it's a year since the initial stuff happened but you've only been back together for 6 months. You went away for those three weeks and apparently did not get back together right away. What happened? Anyways, not to rain on your parade, but I'd say it's not a great sign if 6 months back together and your thoughts are bothering you enough to come post about it. Sometimes our heart wants to forgive and forget and move on but our brain won't let us. It's natural to keep your guard up after things go badly once. Maybe this is a big part of the belief that second tries don't turn out too well, there are things that remain unresolved for both parties that lead to it not succeeding again. It doesn't have to be a death sentence though. Have you tried telling him how you feel? Even if you fear that it could cause an argument, you shouldn't have to be keeping this to yourself. After all, the person we choose to be with should be the #1 person we feel we can talk to. If you did/do try talking about it and it doesn't go so well, would either of you be willing to try couples counseling to work through the lingering feelings from what happened? The most important thing is that when something is bothering you in a relationship for whatever reason, never just ignore it or excuse it away. Some people look the other way when it comes to nagging thoughts about their relationship, some go so far as to look the other way and make excuses to stay with someone who hits them. Although one may be much more extreme than the other, it is never good to ignore it. I'm the type of person who will try to deny that something is bothering me, or tell myself that the person I'm with is worth dealing with whatever the issue might be, and that has not worked out well for me so far. I don't think it will get better on its own if you try to bottle it up. You're not going to hit some magical timeframe where suddenly you feel you can trust again, hanging on until 8 months, 12 months, 2 years later, just waiting to feel secure again, is not a good plan of action. It can get better but only once the problem is brought to light and dealt with.
Author StellaA Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Thanks for the reply Exit, it helps a lot. I had already booked the trip away to see a relative and thought it would be a good thing to go away and clear my head. Things have moved on since we first split up. He had a breakdown, some may say bipolar but it was the first time I had noticed anything in the whole time we had been together (10 years) from what I have read I would have noticed bipolar before this?? He is doing well now, he is independant, looking after himself, ok financially. We talk a lot and to be fair he understands what I am saying (he tells me he does) and he can't do anymore to be honest. I am just scared of being hurt again. I thought with time I could move on but no one is supportive of us and this wieghs heavy on my shoulders also. I love him, we love spednding time together but each time I see him it gets harder to leave him after living together but I'm not ready to live with him yet
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