Stuck in Love(Very Long)

[LoverOfDance]

Ok, so I met this guy about a year and a few months ago. I didn't like him at first but when I started taking his dance classes, I began developing feelings for him. I thought he had the cutest smile I had ever seen. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first and it took me a weeks to finally come to terms with the way I felt about him. I didn't want to because of my past experiences and because I know that I am the kind of person that has the tendency to fall way too hard. It's usually very difficult for me to recover every time I fall for a guy and realize that I have to get over him. The problem is that I always fall for the wrong guys(the ones with girlfriends). Sometimes I find out about their girlfriends before I fall way too hard but sometimes I'm not always lucky. This time of course, I wasn't very lucky. He has a dance partner and they've been dancing together for a VERY long time(I think almost 11 years. I know - that's a bloody long time, lol). I asked about two people if they were together and they both said they were just partners so I felt it was okay for me to crush on him. I've never been this open about my feelings with anyone in my life. I let myself really care for him and I didn't mind showing him how I felt. I'm the kind of girl that runs away from something/someone she wants. For the first time in my life I didn't run. I knew we could we have something really special because I really cared and still really care about him and also because I wasn't running! I remember one day many months ago - we had only known each other for a few weeks then and I said hi to him and his gf(who I thought was just his dance partner at the time) every time I saw them. That day I decided not to say a word to them just to see if he would say hi and he did. We had a moment that day. After he said hi, we stared at each other until he left the room. I had a feeling he would come back and a few minutes later he did. We've had so many moments since that day. He stared at me a lot but rarely ever spoke. One time, he walked up to me and then tried to walk away and then tried coming towards me again. It was like he was confused or something. I didn't understand if he was nervous or just didn't know what to say. Anyways, when he finally came up to me, he was like "aren't you cold". It was September I think and I was wearing shorts. He rarely talks to me and when he talks he never says much. I'm always the one who starts the conversation. I don't mind doing that but the problem is that he never tries to keep it going. Once I stop talking that's pretty much the end of the conversation. It can be a little bit tiring always being the one who tries to keep a conversation alive. All it tells me is that he doesn't care and could care less about talking to me although everything else he does seems to show that he actually does. He listens to me a lot even when I'm not talking to him. He doesn't know it but I can see him from the corner of eyes. It's so sweet cause sometimes he listens even when I'm talking about things he knows nothing about - things that do not concern him in anyway. I really like him and when I found out his dance partner was actually his girlfriend, I was so heartbroken. My friend says I'm in love with him but I told her I don't know if I am. I don't want to get carried away by the intensity of my crush so I always say all I know is that I have really strong feelings for him and I really care about him. His gf is an amazing person. She's also my friend so that makes it even harder 4 me. I've tried so hard to get over him. I stayed away from his classes many times for a few weeks but I always ended up going back. My studies and even my dancing were seriously being affected by the entire situation cause I couldn't concentrate. I got so fed that I finally decided to tell him. I hoped that things would get better and I would be able to concentrate better if I did cause I didn't know what else to do. I told him I wanted to tell him something and I wanted him to be cool and not be all awkward about it(I said that just in case he didn't feel the same at all bacause if he didn't, the news wld come as a complete shock to him) and he said to me "You never know". I told him how I felt and immediately told him that I didn't want him to do anything about it because I felt so guilty about the fact that he had a girl. Of course I didn't mean any of that but I didn't have choice. I had to find a way to accept the reality of the situation. After I told him I didn't take his classes for almost 6 weeks. During those weeks I tried to get over him. I had a lot of work in school so I buried myself in my work. Regardless, of all the work I was doing, I couldn't stop thinking about him and I couldn't stop crying either because I was truly heartbroken. I've never been so heartbroken in my life. He didn't do anything. It's nobody's fault that I'm in this situation so I don't blame him at all for my heartbreak. After 6 weeks, I still wasn't over him so ended going back to his classes. He's so nice to me and he doesn't hug me like he use to. It feels like it's more than a friendly hug. He touches my hair, makes sure our faces touch, it's almost like he's trying to tell me something. I don't know but after a while I stopped hugging him because it was just too much for me. I was seriously suffering because I just couldn't concentrate on my dancing whenever he was around and dance means the world to me. I adore him so much he has no idea. I'm trying to stay away from him right now cause I'm trying to concentrate on dance. I'm also hoping to get over him but God knows I've tried a million times and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it. I know it's not impossible but sometimes it's so hard it's unbelievable. My entire life I never believed anything could be this hard. Whether he feels anything close to what I'm feeling, I don't know cause I feel like if he did, he would be trying to get in contact with me but he doesn't even have my number and he's never asked for it. I think he's a good bf and I love him so much more because of that. I just don't know what to do about my predicament cause I feel like I'm stuck in a circle and I don't know how to get out of it. Right now I haven't been to his class in 3 weeks and I've been keeping busy but I don't know how long it will take b4 I go back again. Help me someone. PLEASE. Whatever advice you can give will be very much appreci

[january2011]

I suggest you don't go back. A few weeks' break is not enough. You need months.

 

As an aside, I'd also suggest that if you post again, you use paragraphs. It makes posts much easier to read and you're likely to get more responses if your post isn't just a wall of text.

[sal110104]

I get kind of like you too - develop these crushes and create all these fanatsies in my head of what life could be like.

 

Reality is - you dont really know this guy - you never dated - he could be a real jerk for a bf - When I find myself fantasing over someone I barely know - I try to focus on negative apsects of the person.

 

I once couldnt get this guy out of my head who had 2 DUI's and served time in jail!! Are you kidding me! - I still had the delusional fantasies on what a great guy he was - cause everyone makes mistakes...blah blah blah

 

I suggest too that you dont go back to class & maybe take some time to work on yourself to find out why you fall so hard and fast for guys.

 

I posted a thread on co dependancy in the break up forum & got some really great advice