How to truly move on...

[Summerrain586]

My story is horrible and sinful and selfish, as embarrassed as I am I need to get it out. I met a man 9 months ago at a small country bar and grill. Usual story, we hit it off immediately. There are those moments when you know the path your life is on is about to change, it was one of those, unfortunately it changed for the worse. At first he referred to her as his ex wife, come to find out the next day they were only separated living in different states. I told him I could not get involved with that, not until it was done. See I myself was the victim of a cheating husband and divorce. I know the devastation, the heart break, the effect on my children. However, being as damaged as I was and wanting to be wanted, in the end the pleading from the mm got to me. We dated a while, fell in love. He struggled daily missing his little girl. He would call me in tears missing her, always telling me sweet memories.

 

 

One day I got a text… I have to go back. I can’t share my little girl, I have to be there in her home, comfort her if shes hurt, watch her grow everyday. So painfully I loved him enough to let him go. I did NC for a couple weeks, then he texted and my heart melted. We carried on an emotional affair, no physical contact. Then after a few months of that he emailed me telling me his wife deserved his love. He didn’t love her but he had to find a way too. He imagined her as a little girl and what little girl dreamed of a husband like him. I respected that also, I knew he was right. I didn’t want this woman to go through what I had. I was weak and couldn’t end it myself because of emotional damage. In a way I guess I wanted to prove I was worth something again. My husband left me but someone else’s loved me so much. Which yes I need to seek help on.

 

 

So we went NC again. MM’s best friend found out my heart had been broken yet again, he called and said he would sit with me if I needed to vent and cry. We began a friendship of our own. MM was half way across the country so I never ran in to him while with his friends. During this friendship MM’s BF and I started to realize we were a lot alike, and one day a month or two later we decided to possibly date. Out of respect BF called MM and told him our intentions, MM was a little upset but ultimately said good luck and we are still friends. I was NC with MM and BF was in contact. BF and I dated 3 months, the whole time I was in love with MM, but had true feelings of “like” for BF. I was trying to move on, not hurt anyone. Well finally I couldn’t take it, I was still in love, so I broke up amicably with BF, he agreed, and we are still friends to this day. MM finds out we broke up and begins the I love you texting again. I was yet again weak and responded, texting was only every few weeks.

 

One day I get a text saying I’m moving back to your state, wife is coming too, but later. We agreed we couldn’t see eachother, but we failed. We stayed the night together one night. Then a week later I get a hate text from MM. It says I just found out you slept with my BF! How could you? We are done. I’m in shock that he didn’t realize in 3 months we hadn’t slept together. I didn’t lie, he never asked. So I lost it and begged, why, I don’t know. We weren’t going to be together anyways, he would never leave his daughter, I wouldn’t want him if he left his wife for me because we would resent eachother, but I begged. Probably to feel loved, always back to that, wanting to be loved enough to be the one picked. I admit his BF was a bad and hurtful choice, but he knew, we respected enough to “ask permission”!

 

 

Now I am the bad guy, the girl with a big heart that has been there unconditionally, loved enough to let go, is the bad guy. Suddenly again his wife deserves his love, which I can’t argue with, and he was stupid for leaving her because she “stayed strong” when he had told her he wanted a divorce. Apparently I was weak and didn’t stay strong when he told me he wanted to reconnect with his wife for her sake. That wouldn’t be love! If I clung to him while he tried to fix a marriage, how is that truly loving him? Letting go is the real love in that situation! Anyways, he broke it off NC, wouldn’t even let me explain the best friend. No matter what I say I am ignored. I’m the whore now. It hurts! And its hypocritical!! How do I heal? I went through days of depression, not sure why because he isn’t worth it. I’m more intelligent, I’m more sincere, I have 3 guys that want to date me right now, and I’m laying in bed sobbing over a MM who’s love shifts based on who does the most for him, who waits for him, who loves him unconditionally. And yet all I can think about is how sweetly he loved me, he even said he loved me after he found out about BF, but couldn’t get it out of his head. I want it to end, I want to have a clean conscience, I want him to love his wife. I truly do love him, and so I want whats best, I am not whats best! I want to tell him this, apologize for being with BF, tell him to love his wife for who she is not what she offers. I want to move on, but be remembered for who I really am. He won’t talk to me though and I need closure! Is it ok to email him? I know NC is best, but if I email he won’t respond anyways and I think for me it would be healing. What do I do? Sorry I write a lot. Thank you for those who read it.

[Spark1111]

Summerain....what exactly did you do wrong?

 

Why do you have to apologize for anything?

 

You dated his best friend for three months after the friend asked HIM if it was ok and he said yes.

 

Meanwhile, do YOU think he was home being chaste with his wife, the one he wanted to love again? The one he broke up with you to return to?

 

You mean it was ok for him to be with you and his wife at the same time, but after the break-up, you were not suppose to be with anyone?

 

Do you realize how selfish his thinking is? He wanted you all for himself even after he gave his friend the green light to date you?

 

Now he blames you for being with the best friend?

 

Over the unfairness alone I would hit him over the head with a proverbial pot of real anger.

 

Better yet, I'd ditch him quick.

 

Apparently, what was good for the gander was not allowed for the goose.

[Patrice]

The nerve of these men, seriously. Cake eaters .. and when they can't get the cake, they show their true colors really fast. How is that even love? That's just plain old selfish and sick ...

[lovinmylife]

Hello, and I am sorry for what you are going through. Reading your post did strike a question with me. Did the bf actually ask for permission or did he just tell you that? Or did he beat around thr bush and call it "asking"? I have witnessed that happen before. You may have said that in your original post but I did not remember. I remember you saying you were nc so you were going by what bf said? Just something to think about.