mortensorchid Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Someone made a comment on a thread I had posted not too long ago that I did not strike them as the most affectionate person on earth. I have heard this from others I have known in other capacities (friends, coworkers, etc.). Some have said "I don't even know anything about you" after they have known me for a long time, they have said "you're cold and unfeeling". Why? There are a few answers to this ... I do not accuse my parents directly of making me this way, but life has taught me otherwise. As a kid, I was rather repressed by my dominering father, and I take after him in that. I do not express my feelings as easily as the average person can/does. I do not and did not believe that cute girls who hand out smiles and little teasing gestures get much other than that from others. You will be seen as nothing but cute and fluffy. Men seem to think that they should be catered too often times. They seem to think that they are superior, and when they encounter someone who is their equal or more, they don't want you. And they should make more efforts to see you rather than have women all over them because they don't respect women who are all over them. I don't chase, I have learned the hard way to not to, it has to be the man's decission to be with that person. Am I the only one who feels this way? I recognize my shortcomings and that I am not perfect. But any suggestions or insights on what can or can't be done?
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 There is no such thing as a relative hierarchy of superiority, equality, and inferiority. With your focus on this fallacy I can already see you have difficulty empathizing. Sorry but at this time there is no effective lobotomy technique to fine tune a personality. Your malady is incurable but thanks for sharing your hard luck case with the class. Next patient.
SJC2008 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Well if you heard it from a friend whom you have known for a while that's not a good sign. Cold is a very stong word to call someone, especially a woman. As far as letting a man chase, yeah that's the right way to do it but remeber YOU have to show enough interest and not seem like you're playing games. The best way to tell you if you are cold is that if when in a relationship do you show affection? Meaning do you initiate physical contact like a quick back rub or a peck on the cheek, things like that? If you don't then mabye but there are more paramateres than that so we'll need more info of how you act toward men you are involved with.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 As far as letting a man chase, yeah that's the right way to do it but remeber YOU have to show enough interest and not seem like you're playing games. Or allowing every guy to chase after you or going from guy to guy in short order. Guys do notice that and it isn't an attractive quality except to philanderers who will think you are easy.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Men seem to think that they should be catered too often times. They seem to think that they are superior, and when they encounter someone who is their equal or more, they don't want you. That's because we ARE superior. It's a scientifically proven fact that men have larger brains and higher average IQ. The history of human progress has been the history of man's progress. From Aristotle to Einstein, every genius who has ever lived has been a man. In all of recorded history, there has never been a female genius. And you want us to cater to you??
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That's because we ARE superior. It's a scientifically proven fact that men have larger brains and higher average IQ. The history of human progress has been the history of man's progress. From Aristotle to Einstein, every genius who has ever lived has been a man. In all of recorded history, there has never been a female genius. And you want us to cater to you?? Yet the subtext of all of recorded history is about men achieving purely so they could cater to women. The joke was on geniuses all along. Not too smart were they.
january2011 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I think that as long as you give love in a way that the recipient wants, then it's okay and it'll work. You don't have to be compatible with everyone.
thatone Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 i agree that cold is a bad 4 letter word in this case. but i don't agree that being less than all bubbly makes you unattractive. i don't care for the ditsy overbearingly perky women. because i'm never acting like that in return, i'm more like you are mortensorchid, but then again i'm a man and that works for men, the mystery will get women MORE interested in you in the initial dating stages that way. so you have to find a balance somewhere. expecting men to approach and initiate things is all fine and good. but you have to figure out a way to give positive feedback that you're comfortable with. once you've found it, it's just a matter of sticking to it and practicing it until you find a guy that responds well to your particular way.
Oksana Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That's because we ARE superior. It's a scientifically proven fact that men have larger brains and higher average IQ. The history of human progress has been the history of man's progress. From Aristotle to Einstein, every genius who has ever lived has been a man. In all of recorded history, there has never been a female genius. And you want us to cater to you?? Hi Feelsgood, Men have larger brains on average because brain size is correlated with body size. A man who is 5'3, for example, will probably have a smaller brain than a man who is 5'10, but that does not mean that the shorter man is less intelligent. Brain size in human variation has never been correlated with intelligence. Women, who are shorter on average to men, will have smaller brains, but this is correlated to body size, not intelligence. As for your assertion that men have higher IQ compared to women, that is also untrue. Measures of general intelligence have never said definitively that men are generally smarter than women. Wikipedia gives a brief history of the the IQ or general intelligence test as related to gender: According to the 1994 report "Intelligence: Knowns and Unknowns" by the American Psychological Association, "Most standard tests of intelligence have been constructed so that there are no overall score differences between females and males." Differences were found in specific areas such as mathematics and verbal measures.[1] When standardized IQ tests were first developed in the early 20th century, girls typically scored higher than boys up to age 14.[37] As testing methodology was revised, efforts were made to equalize gender performance.[37][38][39] The mean IQ scores between men and women vary little.[1][40][41][42][43] Several meta-studies by Richard Lynn between 1999 and 2005 found mean IQ of men exceeding that of women by a range of 3-5 points.[44][45][46] Lynn's findings were debated in a series of articles for Nature.[47][48] Jackson and Rushton found males aged 17–18 years had average of 3.63 IQ points in excess of their female equivalents.[49] A 2005 study by Helmuth Nyborg found an average advantage for males of 3.8 IQ points.[50] One study concluded that after controlling for sociodemographic and health variables, "gender differences tended to disappear on tests for which there was a male advantage and to magnify on tests for which there was a female advantage."[51] A study from 2007 found a 2-4 IQ point advantage for females in later life.[52] One study investigated the differences in IQ between the sexes in relation to age, finding that girls do better at younger ages but that their performance declines relative to boys with age.[53] Colom et al. (2002) found 3.16 higher IQ points for males but no difference on the general intelligence factor (g) and therefore explained the differences as due to non-g factors such as specific group factors and test specificity.[54] Differences in brain physiology between sexes do not necessarily relate to differences in intellect. Haier et al. found in a 2004 study that: "Men and women apparently achieve similar IQ results with different brain regions, suggesting that there is no singular underlying neuroanatomical structure to general intelligence and that different types of brain designs may manifest equivalent intellectual performance.[55] For men, the gray matter volume in the frontal and parietal lobes correlates with IQ; for women, the gray matter volume in the frontal lobe and Broca's area (which used in language processing) correlates with IQ.[21] FTR, I don't think that one sex is better/more moral/more intelligent than the other. I think that people, are, well, people.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 After reading that it seems they kept tinkering with the statistics and test so no gender had an obvious advantage which further supports the claims of those who see IQ testing and its results as pure poppycock.
Oksana Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 After reading that it seems they kept tinkering with the statistics and test so no gender had an obvious advantage which further supports the claims of those who see IQ testing and its results as pure poppycock. I agree with you.
Els Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) Someone made a comment on a thread I had posted not too long ago that I did not strike them as the most affectionate person on earth. I have heard this from others I have known in other capacities (friends, coworkers, etc.). Some have said "I don't even know anything about you" after they have known me for a long time, they have said "you're cold and unfeeling". Why? There are a few answers to this ... I do not accuse my parents directly of making me this way, but life has taught me otherwise. As a kid, I was rather repressed by my dominering father, and I take after him in that. I do not express my feelings as easily as the average person can/does. I do not and did not believe that cute girls who hand out smiles and little teasing gestures get much other than that from others. You will be seen as nothing but cute and fluffy. Men seem to think that they should be catered too often times. They seem to think that they are superior, and when they encounter someone who is their equal or more, they don't want you. And they should make more efforts to see you rather than have women all over them because they don't respect women who are all over them. I don't chase, I have learned the hard way to not to, it has to be the man's decission to be with that person. Am I the only one who feels this way? I recognize my shortcomings and that I am not perfect. But any suggestions or insights on what can or can't be done? The key is moderation, IMO. Being positive and smiling does not necessarily lead to people underestimating you. There is a balance between pursuing men who aren't interested, and acting cold and unfeeling. Meet men who are interested halfway. That's because we ARE superior. It's a scientifically proven fact that men have larger brains and higher average IQ. The history of human progress has been the history of man's progress. From Aristotle to Einstein, every genius who has ever lived has been a man. In all of recorded history, there has never been a female genius. And you want us to cater to you?? Marilyn vos Savant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Yawn. If you're going to try and claim that your gender is intellectually superior, you could first at least prove yourself to be not inferior to the average 18-year-old undergrad by bothering to check your facts before spouting them. Reading wikipedia is hard, eh? Edited May 8, 2012 by Elswyth
William Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 The key is moderation, IMO How appropriate....thanks Let's help the thread starter work their issue. In case anyone is confused, here's the relevant text: "Am I the only one who feels this way? I recognize my shortcomings and that I am not perfect. But any suggestions or insights on what can or can't be done? "
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I don't really understand what you mean by what "can or can't be done." Can you clarify? That said though, let me address this from your original post: Men seem to think that they should be catered too often times. They seem to think that they are superior, and when they encounter someone who is their equal or more, they don't want you. I think the key to any issue you may have, might be in the above statement. That's such a gross generalization and has not been my experience with most men at all. Do you think you can rid yourself of that belief and approach each new meeting with a guy without this preconceived notion? I think men can sense this kind of attitude and it's not flattering..nor is it fair.
ladyabstrused Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Am I the only one who feels this way? I recognize my shortcomings and that I am not perfect. But any suggestions or insights on what can or can't be done? No you're not the only one! I have been told many times too how cold and unfeeling I am by my boyfriend and some of my friends. Sometimes they refer me as expressionless. The only expression I show a lot is being emotional or crying due to either being angry or upset. It's weird but I always thought that this is my problem from young. And just like you, I was brought up by a similar father figure whereby I had to shut or hide my emotions so as to prevent from being reprimanded. It's what I've grown up to learn to do in majority of my interactions at home and with my friends. And now with my SO which has caused quite a number of issues between us. As far as letting a man chase, yeah that's the right way to do it but remeber YOU have to show enough interest and not seem like you're playing games. Oh my! This is what my boyfriend thinks several times when we address this issue to talk about it. He thinks that I'm playing games but I really am not. It's just difficult for me to express myself at times? But over the years I've improved slightly. Though it takes some time because it's something deeply ingrained in me. But what I've done is to try to be more expressive. I really don't know of a process or procedure to do this, but just keep reminding myself that I need to show how I feel, not only when I'm down or angry but also when I'm feeling other emotions as well. Hope I'm not running out of topic though!
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