Report This User Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You get the itch, and have the urge to do it. Ik that feeling.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) You get the itch, and have the urge to do it. Ik that feeling. Yep. It was a combination of ego, and loniless I guess. That probably doesn't make any sense. The worst part is, I'm nervous about her reaction to it. Now I'm tihnking about if she'll respond at all, or blow me off, whatever. Damn. When I went NC, we always had the intention of patching things up at a some point...I just don't think now is the right time....I tihnk its too soon. Edited May 8, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
nature Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 How did you contact her? What did you say? Did she dump you or was it mutual?
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) How did you contact her? What did you say? Did she dump you or was it mutual? I sent her a facebook message, merely saying "hey buddy". That was it. I didn't do it with the intent of sleeping with her, or getting back together, the intention was to just be cool with each other again. We both wanted to be friends so this was gonna happen at some point anyway, but gosh, I don't think the time is right. From what I've heard from 3rd parties (I know, not really, reliable) that she's respecting my wishes of NC, and she tihnks her making the move to break the ice would be awkward (that's her alright). I knew I'd have to break the ice if we were ever going to see each other again, but I don't think it was a good time. The breakup was weird. Originally, I thought she was just a bitch who was confusing the hell out of me. She desired a different lifestyle. Of course I know now she wanted this lifestyle because I became boring. We still cared for each other and loved each other. But she wanted to have some fun at the clubs and I wasn't up for that. I got complacent and boring, and she knew her "need" to club and stuff was hurting me, so she left. It wasn't ugly, she left because she knew she was hurting me and couldn't see me in pain. In retrospect, I became set in my ways, which drove her away. She broke up, but she didn't want to (trust me on that). It wasn't because we fell out of love though. She just needed a change of scenery. Because of this, we agreed we needed space for a while and we'd get in touch after time has passed to be friends. I just don't know if I waited long enough before doing this. I'm worried her change of scenery has become a permanent fixture for her. I think she's seeing someone else now and everything, but I'm not sure. What I DO know, is I made a mistake contacting her this soon. EDIT: There are some financial loose ends that couldn't be resolved because we were NC, and it was too painful. Well...I HAVE to contact her anyway to resolve this, so I guess now is as good a time as any, ready or not. Edited May 8, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) Well, I ended up calling her because RIGHT after I facebooked her (d'oh) I checked my email and found an email about a financial thing between us (weird), so I called her and we talked about it. We caught up and stuff, and it was actually very calm and mature. We talked like the NC never happened. Anyway, we talked about meeting up to so she could give me the money and maybe hang out or something. She did respond to the facebook message and I did sent a response, but it wasn't saying anything bad or dramatic. The WEIRD thing is, I don't feel anxious or crappy like I did before. Weird. All the stress and stuff is like, gone??? Edited May 8, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
geegirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) The WEIRD thing is, I don't feel anxious or crappy like I did before. Weird. You don't feel anxious or crappy anymore because you just put a temporary bandaid on your wound. Contact alleviated the pain and discomfort you were feeling. After you meet her and you go home and sit and stare at the walls knowing you're back to the same place your were trying to escape, you'll start to shiver like an addict and hope for another fix to comfort that pain again. Then the junkie mind will say, "I need another fix, have to reach out to her." Then you'll send an FB message saying hi and she'll respond and you'll get your fix again. You would have put a temporary bandaid on your wound again. Lather, rinse and repeat. Edited May 8, 2012 by geegirl 5
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) You don't feel anxious or crappy anymore because you just put a temporary bandaid on your wound. Contact alleviated the pain and discomfort you were feeling. After you meet her and you go home and sit and stare at the walls knowing you're back to the same place your were trying to escape, you'll start to shiver like an addict and hope for another fix to comfort that pain again. Then the junkie mind will say, "I need another fix, have to reach out to her." Then you'll send an FB message saying hi and she'll respond and you'll get your fix again. You would have put a temporary bandaid on your wound again. Lather, rinse and repeat. And what place was I trying to "escape"? I want to be friends with her, so after I meet up with her...we'll be on speaking terms. Which is what I wanted. And unlike a "junkie" being on speaking terms with her isn't deadly, fatal or even bad for me. ALL humans like to interact with other humans. Someone say it's a need for proper mental health. Edited May 8, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
geegirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) And what place was I trying to "escape"? The pain and discomfort from a break-up. With the added "combination of ego and loneliness." People want to be friends when they're too afraid to let go, still dependent on being a part of the other person's life. Read here and you will discover that you cannot be friends when you have an emotional tie. She's human, but she's also someone you're emotional about. Jibber jabber about mental health is just an excuse to justify being "friends". There are other humans thatyou can interact with for your mental health and ones that won't cause you discomfort or confusion. Edited May 8, 2012 by geegirl 2
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 The pain and discomfort from a break-up. With the added "combination of ego and loneliness." While the break-up hurt, of course...but when we meet up, it's not like I'm gonna propose or anytihng. Talking to her now doesn't really have a bearing on our relationship, or how we felt about the breakup.
geegirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 While the break-up hurt, of course...but when we meet up, it's not like I'm gonna propose or anytihng. Talking to her now doesn't really have a bearing on our relationship, or how we felt about the breakup. Then there is no reason to damn the gods that you broke NC, now is there. I wish you luck then. 1
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 The pain and discomfort from a break-up. With the added "combination of ego and loneliness." People want to be friends when they're too afraid to let go, still dependent on being a part of the other person's life. Read here and you will discover that you cannot be friends when you have an emotional tie. She's human, but she's also someone you're emotional about. Jibber jabber about mental health is just an excuse to justify being "friends". There are other humans thatyou can interact with for your mental health and ones that won't cause you discomfort or confusion. No, people are friends because people are friends. I'm not dependent on being a part of her life and more than I'm dependent on being in my best friend's life. I hang out with my best friend because we like hanging out with one another because we have things in common. That's why people become friends. You connect and socialize with people because of similarities. And all friendships have emotional ties as well. And yes there are other people you can interact with, but hanging out with one person your entire life isn't exactly fun, is it? Who says she's gonna cause me discomfort or confusion? The only time I've experienced that was the break up itself. But it wasn't because of her, exactly. It was the loss that upset me. I never had any problems with her. She's not given me any reason to have a problem with her.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Then there is no reason to damn the gods that you broke NC, now is there. I wish you luck then. Well, to be fair, that was more than 12 hours ago. I over reacted because I thought I undid some sort of imaginary progress. NC had done nothing but made me feel worse with each day. Most of my anger towards breaking the NC was fear that she'd tell me to **** off or something. She didn't.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 And what place was I trying to "escape"? I want to be friends with her, so after I meet up with her...we'll be on speaking terms. Which is what I wanted. And unlike a "junkie" being on speaking terms with her isn't deadly, fatal or even bad for me. ALL humans like to interact with other humans. Someone say it's a need for proper mental health. find another human to interact with; you are addicted to this one. 1
geegirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 No, people are friends because people are friends. I'm not dependent on being a part of her life and more than I'm dependent on being in my best friend's life. I hang out with my best friend because we like hanging out with one another because we have things in common. That's why people become friends. You connect and socialize with people because of similarities. And all friendships have emotional ties as well. And yes there are other people you can interact with, but hanging out with one person your entire life isn't exactly fun, is it? Who says she's gonna cause me discomfort or confusion? The only time I've experienced that was the break up itself. But it wasn't because of her, exactly. It was the loss that upset me. I never had any problems with her. She's not given me any reason to have a problem with her. Apples and oranges. They're not the same. You can twist and turn it in your mind in hopes of rationalizing what's seems senseless into sense to feed your attachment. Let's not compare an emotional tie in a friendship versus one in a relationship. If you found out that your best friend was sleeping with someone or dating someone, would it hurt you or affect you? No. If you found out tomorrow your ex was having sex with another man or dating, would it affect you? An apple is not an orange. Is your life so sad that you can only think of one person to hang out with? No one said you can't be friends. You can but when your emotional bond is gone, and sometimes better when you've moved on to other opportunities. If this hasn't caused you confusion or discomfort, then you should be enjoying your friendship with her rather than posting on a break up site feeling unsure about your feelings and actions. But I'm sure you have it all figured out. Sounds like it. 2
geegirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Two things that are quite significant in where you are emotionally. 1. Felt better after breaking NC. All the anxiety and stress flew out the window. 2. Thoughts of looking good could possibly win your ex back. I'm not trying to tear you down but sometimes denial can be very blinding. I'll leave you with that and hope that you find your own way. Good luck.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Apples and oranges. They're not the same. You can twist and turn it in your mind in hopes of rationalizing what's seems senseless into sense to feed your attachment. Let's not compare an emotional tie in a friendship versus one in a relationship. If you found out that your best friend was sleeping with someone or dating someone, would it hurt you or affect you? No. If you found out tomorrow your ex was having sex with another man or dating, would it affect you? An apple is not an orange. Is your life so sad that you can only think of one person to hang out with? No one said you can't be friends. You can but when your emotional bond is gone, and sometimes better when you've moved on to other opportunities. If this hasn't caused you confusion or discomfort, then you should be enjoying your friendship with her rather than posting on a break up site feeling unsure about your feelings and actions. But I'm sure you have it all figured out. Sounds like it. She probably is sleeping with someone else. I'm not happy about it, obviously no one would be, but it's reality. I mean, this isn't like I haven't gotten over anything. I get what you're saying, but it doesn't necessarily apply when two people just grow apart. I can't date her again, and I won't. We grew apart. She wanted one life, I wanted a different one, so we split up. She didn't leave me and ripped my heart and stomped on it. I thought that was the case originally. It wasn't. Upon thinking about it during my NC, I realized we just grew apart. If anything it was mutual though I didn't realize it at first. She isn't the person I fell in love with anymore. That person is gone. Therefore, I don't even wanna date her anymore. That doesn't mean I don't wanna be friends with her.
Headintheclouds Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I am siding with gulf on this one but maybe I am blinded too. I don't think NC is for everyone. I have had relationships where I KNEW NC was my only way out. In those relationships it actually helped me. With my current situation, ever since I initiated NC I feel worse. I honestly feel like I don't really need it and that I maybe better off being in contact with her. Honestly I want to know the outcome. Keep us updated Gulf.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) I am siding with gulf on this one but maybe I am blinded too. I don't think NC is for everyone. I have had relationships where I KNEW NC was my only way out. In those relationships it actually helped me. With my current situation, ever since I initiated NC I feel worse. I honestly feel like I don't really need it and that I maybe better off being in contact with her. Honestly I want to know the outcome. Keep us updated Gulf. Well, just speaking for myself: The NC was BRUTAL. BRU. TAL on my mind. It was affecting my sleep. I was ALWAYS thinking about what she was doing, if she was gonna call...people said it would get better with time. That was true for 3 days. And then I started get worse, and worse, losing more and more sleep, eating less and less. NC and the whole "if she wants to see you, she'll call you" just didn't apply. She isn't that type of person to break the ice, make the 1st move and so on. She never has been. Will this end in heartbreak? A new relationship? Us hating each other for ever? Who the hell knows? The key is little to no expectations. I don't WANT a relationship with her. I want nothing beyond friendship. At least for a very long time. Edited May 8, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Headintheclouds Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I'm right with ya Gulf. Its been brutal on me too. I'm not losing sleep over it but I am losing my mind. My ex sounds a bit like yours in the aspect that I know damn well that she won't make a move. If I never contact her again I think she'll just suck it up and I'll never hear from her. I do know for a fact that I will run into her though, and I sort of dread that moment right now. We run in the same circles so its inevitable. I have been thinking about contacting her lately and its not to get my "fix" as people said here. I basically do not want to feel anger towards her anymore, and I really do care how she is doing. I don't think we can hang out and be friends at the moment, but I think an occasional text message or email probably won't hurt me at all. I know she cares how I am doing as well. Anyways, let us know how it goes. Good luck.
Svet74 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Geegirl I must agree with you. So nc might not be for everyone but 90% of the time nc will help you move on. And the best part not knowing what your ex is doing and who their with. Me and my ex kept in touch for 10 months after the breakup when we talked and hung out it felt good. When I was not with him I was miserable and the whole friends thing just did not work. Emotional stress and all that was just not worth it. And the only thing I can thank him for is my 15 lbs weight loss 1
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Geegirl I must agree with you. So nc might not be for everyone but 90% of the time nc will help you move on. And the best part not knowing what your ex is doing and who their with. Me and my ex kept in touch for 10 months after the breakup when we talked and hung out it felt good. When I was not with him I was miserable and the whole friends thing just did not work. Emotional stress and all that was just not worth it. And the only thing I can thank him for is my 15 lbs weight loss 90% of the time, NC will help you delete the person from your life. Which is obviously understandable if there was abuse, drugs, cheating or something negative like that. If that's what happened, the yes, NC is definitly the way to go. But if the split was mutual, on good terms, there's no reason to delete the person from your life.
Svet74 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Can you still move on while being friends with her? If you can then go for it. And I'm assuming you don't want her back?
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 NC is helping me get over my ex. We broke up on good terms. Although she was the one who left me, I allowed her to and made it clear that I loved her and had strong feelings, and that being friends wasnt an option right now. NC is what's going to help me heal. Hearing from her would set me back and make me miss her. Deleting her from my life for a bit will allow me to get over her, and we can be friends when the feelings are gone. 3
Recommended Posts