Igneous Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) So, here's the situation. I met a woman about three months ago, who was explicitly looking for an "FB" relationship. It was supposed to be a fling, nothing serious. She was only in town for a few weeks anyway, as she has a house (and a kid and husband she's separated but not divorced from) on the other side of the country. But during our "FB" sessions, she fell in love with me, while I continued to "not feel that way" about her. Damned fool that I am, instead of clearly expressing this, I said "I love you too." I led her on by saying "I love you" multiple times. I didn't do it to be malicious, but because I genuinely liked her and (more to the point) thought we were both humoring each other by avoiding the obvious fact it wouldn't work out. She even admitted that a relationship between us was unrealistic, by saying things like, "I know I live thousands of miles away and it would be hard. But girl can dream, you know?" After she left, I thought she had gotten the hint, and it would be over. But she kept e-mailing me and calling me, and suggested coming out to visit me. Again, idiotically, I said yes, and immediately regretted doing so afterward. Long story short, before she came back out, I called her and explained as nicely as I could that I hadn't been fully honest with either her or myself. I didn't want it to be any more than a fling. I told her she was an amazing person, but I didn't feel "that way" about her, and didn't want to have a relationship. I mailed her a check for the plane ticket the next day, and apologized. She begged and pleaded with me, but accepted the check. She has continued to text me, and hint that she wants to win me back. I still feel guilty about the canceled trip, but I did pay her back and apologize, and I wish she would get the hint about me not being interested. She e-mailed me again today, with a similar message. Am I a jerk if I don't respond? Edited May 8, 2012 by Igneous
daisy088 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I would either A. not respond at all. she will get tired of contacting you and getting no response or B. tell her you are so sorry but you can no longer communicate with her. Tell her you think she is a wonderful person and that you wish her the very best but that you do not want a relationship with her. Tell her if she continues to contact you- you will not respond. And be done with it. Best of luck
CC12 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Am I a jerk if I don't respond? Eh. Kind of. If you had been very clear that you don't want anything to do with her, then I think it would be okay if you didn't respond. But it sounds like when you "broke up" with her, you just said you didn't want a relationship, which I think most people would interpret as meaning "romantic relationship." That leaves it open for her to think you still want a friendship. I'd say you should tell her something along the lines of, "It's not a good idea for us to be in contact with each other. I'm sorry. Goodbye." You led her on before, so I think she deserves some honesty so that she doesn't keep wasting her time by continuing to contact you.
GardenDiva Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I think you've done all you can do. I think you realize you made a mistake. And yeah, you shouldn't have told her you loved her. I'd either not respond or send her one last unequivocal email about where you stand. And then that's it. You owe her nothing beyond that. And let's keep in mind, she is still married.
Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You dropped the ball in this situation and you know that. Going NC in this situation is a good thing after you explain to her that things will not work out and wish her the best in wherever her life takes her. NC is only cruel when your goal is to hurt someone or manipulate them in any way.
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