Nancy B Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 So a big decision to sign a second lease and continue living abroad with my boyfriend is approaching. We had already decided this was our plan. Recently I've noticed him pulling back. Yesterday, I was exhausted after getting barely any sleep. I asked him did he have any doubts. He revealed he did, that he feels we have fizzled out a bit, feels like we may be dragging out our relationship and wants to end it. He seems set on this idea. I am devastated. I wanted to talk things over, I regret even bringing up the conversation now. I've woken up today feeling utterly awful and he's still set on this ending. We know each other 4 years, been together for 2 with a few splits in between. Been together the last year completely. I've been happy and want to marry this guy. I'm 24 and he is 25. He says he wants to stay friends. He also says I shouldn't necessarily just go home cos we have ended. I have no idea what to do
favoritepills Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That's awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. *hugs*
daisy088 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 This is kind of similar to what happened with my ex (not until I asked several times if he wanted to break up now, did he admit he didn't want to be with me). Likely, he has been feeling this way for a long time but felt too guilty/was too scared to tell you. Maybe he wanted to continue to have the benefits of a relationship as well (sex, company, etc). I know how hard this is and I know how horrible it may sound: but he doesn't want to be with you. He told you that. Its possible he may change his mind since this did just happen but the best thing you can do for yourself is to remove yourself from the situation and start NC immediately. I would move if you do have that opportunity as being in the same setting can make moving on really difficult. Im so sorry that youre going through this... has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. You are going to be alright, something that makes me feel better is to remember the love you gave is still yours and you will find a better person to give that love to down the road. For now, be kind to yourself. 2
Author Nancy B Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Thanks for sharing your experience and your advice. I just feel so guilty for all the mistakes I made over the course of the relationship and bringing it to this point where he no longer wants to me with me. Maybe he wanted to be 100 per cent before dropping the bombshell. He suggested the possibility of living together again for another year as friends. This seems like a better alternative to being alone and regretting everything BUT i know in my heart that it would be foolish.
daisy088 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Then follow your heart my dear! I was living with my ex and I moved the day he said "yes" to my asking him if he wanted to break up (expecting him of course to say No again like he already had several times). Thank god I did- being around an ex makes it impossible to let them go. Even worse: seeing him happy, go out with friends, and even worse; see other girls in the picture? Thats a unique hell. Get outta there and fast. As for the guilt? I made mistakes too. Im sure you and I both spend tons of time trying to think "If I just hadnt/had done that" obsessively. We all make bad choices in our relationships. There are always hard times and there are always mistakes made. Something I realized is that if your partner loves you, that mistake wont be the end of the relationship (unless it was something really horrible). Someone who loves you will stick by your side, communicate with you, and try to make things work. If he is giving up, then that is his choice. You can work on the things you made mistakes about on your own but you can't go back in time and change the past. This is more about him than it is about you or the things you did wrong. Nobody is perfect. Save your dignity and self-respect and get outta there. Makes it more likely hell miss you and realize what a mistake HE made.
Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 He suggested the possibility of living together again for another year as friends. This seems like a better alternative to being alone and regretting everything BUT i know in my heart that it would be foolish. Good call. It would only lead to pain. Sometimes it takes a big life decision to make you really look at things. He may have had little doubts for awhile but signing again might haev caused him to look at things fully. It's the same reason you see so many breakups before moving in together and before a wedding. You think "this is nice, but not really what I want 'forever'."
Author Nancy B Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Yesterday was as normal. Had dinner together, watched TV. We were both kind of busy putting together a job application. We helped each other out. We were laughing as normal. When I asked what's going on? He just says I don't know, we have great times but I still have doubts. He's had these doubts at intervals now. Should I just tell him enough is enough. I don't want this to end. But I don't have a clue what's happening.
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Yesterday was as normal. Had dinner together, watched TV. We were both kind of busy putting together a job application. We helped each other out. We were laughing as normal. When I asked what's going on? He just says I don't know, we have great times but I still have doubts. He's had these doubts at intervals now. Should I just tell him enough is enough. I don't want this to end. But I don't have a clue what's happening. Why prolong that pain. You are still young and hot, go reflect for a while and then someone will grab you (metaphorically of course) and you will grab what you want. I don't want to say it, and I shouldn't, but so many people get 'trapped' in their 20's. I think you have a long life of discovery and happiness awaiting you, honestly. 1
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