sid3 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Smile at them and look down. O No. Smile at him and raise your eyebrows slightly. Facial expressions speak the loudest unspoken words IMO.
Bob_Funk Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Most guys won't approach during the day, because it's futile. We have better things to do than approach 100 girls before getting one positive response. I don't understand what your issue is. Either approach them yourself or sign up for register on a dating site and sift through the thousands of messages you'll invariably get.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Just start out with "So do you come here often?" "Are you getting the day pass or the six-pack?" What kind of guy do you want, Kamille? Passive or assertive? I've asked this in another thread for another member so don't confuse assertive with macho or domineering. More on the assertive than passive. Comfortably confident in himself. Easy-going.
sid3 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 THEY DO! You'd be surprised how many women are dateless because of this, at least where I live lol Even the hottest of my friends NEVER get approach during the day. I'm finding out just how true that is. In fact the whole 'women get hit on all the time' is a myth, sure they get gawked at and checked out, but the evidence of getting approached/ asked out just isn't there for the majority.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Any tips on how to curb the panic response? Like, I know theoretically that all I really need to do is smile and slow down. But, in the moment, flustered panic takes over.
Bob_Funk Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Lol, they really need to make more pick up books for women. They are so clueless. All women have to do is seem easy. Woman: Would you like to come back to my apartment? Guy: Yes.
threebyfate Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 More on the assertive than passive. Comfortably confident in himself. Easy-going.If you notice a guy checking you out, slow down but walk a step past him, giving him a backwards flirtatious glance with a little smile and say "Hi". That's all the opening an unattached assertive guy needs if he's interested. He'll know how to handle it from there. 6
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I'm finding out just how true that is. In fact the whole 'women get hit on all the time' is a myth, sure they get gawked at and checked out, but the evidence of getting approached/ asked out just isn't there for the majority. It isn't at all, specially when they're out of college and don't have a big social circle. It's almost impossible to meet guys if you refuse to meet men at work or do online dating.
musemaj11 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 THEY DO! You'd be surprised how many women are dateless because of this, at least where I live lol Even the hottest of my friends NEVER get approach during the day. Yea I mean due to socialization I guess, by the age of 16, most boys usually already know the basics of starting a conversation with a girl. Although whether they are able to pull it off is another matter. Whats funny is that generally women are a lot more sociable than men. Naturally, they actually should be better equipped at this.
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Yea I mean due to socialization I guess, by the age of 16, most boys usually already know the basics of starting a conversation with a girl. Although whether they are able to pull it off is another matter. Whats funny is that generally women are a lot more sociable than men. Naturally, they actually should be better equipped at this. Approaching a stranger is hard, no matter if you are a female or a male. But for a man it is considered a manly bold thing if he approaches. For a woman, we might get called desperate like another male poster in this thread suggested. So some women are afraid they are coming off as cheap and desperate if they initiate with a guy. Some people say no women are afraid of rejection. That too, but for me personally it's far less important of a factor than just me being shy and being afraid to come off as desperate. 1
Woggle Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 A man risks coming off as a creep and being accused of street harrassment. If a man is interested usually you just need to give that opening and he will take it from there but men need that opening.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 So would a slow down, smile and glance (as suggested by TBF) be enough of an opening? I guess I just have to get comfortable acting like a confident woman. I'm always surprised when men show an interest in me. 2
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 THEY DO! You'd be surprised how many women are dateless because of this, at least where I live lol Even the hottest of my friends NEVER get approach during the day. THe hottest women I've known or met bar 1, hardly EVER get approached. That's why they all have ugly boyfriends: They're the only ones with nothing to lose 1
ThaWholigan Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 So would a slow down, smile and glance (as suggested by TBF) be enough of an opening? I guess I just have to get comfortable acting like a confident woman. I'm always surprised when men show an interest in me. Slow walk and glance = . If only I was more of a confident man a few years ago, the amount of times this happened to me and I never properly got it or even initiated. Sometimes, all you need to say is hello actually. We don't need pick up lines
Ruby Slippers Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 If you notice a guy checking you out, slow down but walk a step past him, giving him a backwards flirtatious glance with a little smile and say "Hi". That's all the opening an unattached assertive guy needs if he's interested. He'll know how to handle it from there. This isn't too forward, or giving the appearance of being too forward/desperate/easy? I have never approached a guy, but I think I could handle this.
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 This isn't too forward, or giving the appearance of being too forward/desperate/easy? I have never approached a guy, but I think I could handle this. To me this is pretty forward I don't think I could do it, not in my own city.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 I guess the bottom line is this: what's the worst that will happen? I'd misinterpret the signs, end up confidently checking out a guy and, worst case scenario, it'll boost his ego. 2
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I guess the bottom line is this: what's the worst that will happen? I'd misinterpret the signs, end up confidently checking out a guy and, worst case scenario, it'll boost his ego. Confidently checking out a guy most probably won't get you anywhere unless you are in a bar setting. But good luck regardless!
sid3 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 So would a slow down, smile and glance (as suggested by TBF) be enough of an opening? I guess I just have to get comfortable acting like a confident woman. I'm always surprised when men show an interest in me. I seem to recall you being the best kept secret in your town....did you move?
RedRobin Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Any tips on how to curb the panic response? Like, I know theoretically that all I really need to do is smile and slow down. But, in the moment, flustered panic takes over. Sometimes, the 'panic' response is appropriate, TBH. During certain periods of my life, I've run for the hills (and given my overall demeanor) it was probably a good thing. If you find that is your only response (and that is what it sounds like), then try this... it sounds like you need more time to process your feelings about it before rushing on. When you sense you want to rush on, look for something immediately around you that gives you reason to stop and linger. The idea is to give you time where he can get a sense for you and you can sense him. Use your peripheral vision (you know... that way of knowing you are being looked at without actually staring at the person) and see if he is also sticking around and glancing your way. You are then in a position to check him out. When you catch his gaze, smile and hold your gaze for just a second longer than you'd feel comfortable. You know when that second is... you can practically feel your pupils dialating and his too. If he's a nice guy, his look will soften a bit and appear friendly. If he's a dick, his look will 'harden' and appear predatory and grossly sexual. Then you decide what to do about it. You can continue to slowly bridge the distance, or stay put and keep casting glances at him to see if he approaches you. It is like a conversation... but a conversation you are having with your body language. I think the key here is not to rush on. At least find a way to hover a bit and give him and you a chance to make your way towards each other. 1
RedRobin Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 If you notice a guy checking you out, slow down but walk a step past him, giving him a backwards flirtatious glance with a little smile and say "Hi". That's all the opening an unattached assertive guy needs if he's interested. He'll know how to handle it from there. I like this. However, I prefer to have some time to decide whether I want him to approach or not. There is a fine line between assertive and a-hole and I've learned to tell the difference. I prefer not to be approached by the latter.
FitChick Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 To me this is pretty forward I don't think I could do it, not in my own city. Could you do it in another city?
Imajerk17 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That's exactly what gets me nowhere. Please help. It's actually quite hard for me to, because if I am attracted I will come over and talk to you. You won't even have to look my way. So it's hard for me to relate to these guys who don't come over. OK, I'll try: Walk over and ask him for directions.
runner Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 So would a slow down, smile and glance (as suggested by TBF) be enough of an opening? I guess I just have to get comfortable acting like a confident woman. I'm always surprised when men show an interest in me. absolutly ! i would so quickly start with some small talk if i found the girl attractive. and even those times i haven't been attracted, i would at the very least be friendly about it, and not condescending or anything. it's definitely worth a shot, K, just be sure to get your mind in that place where you're ready to do it.
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