Kamille Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Spring fever is in full swing in my part of the world. In the past few days, I've been more aware of men checking me out. Here's the rub: when they do, I panic, get all flustered and basically just keep trekking. Please help me understand my reaction and / or propose ways to respond to being checked out. (Recent situations involved subway stations, airport lounges, walking around the city).
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Let me know when you find out. I get checked out all the time, but nothing ever comes out of it lol
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Let me know when you find out. I get checked out all the time, but nothing ever comes out of it lol Hi mesmerized. How do you respond to getting checked out? Do you smile back? Slow down? I wish I had the courage to do all these things, but instead I get completely flustered. For some reason it makes me feel so utterly self-conscious that my flight instinct kicks in. Does the same thing happen to you? If not, please help me react differently!
Pierre Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You are not supposed to pick up the men that check you out. That would be a bit too desperate. If these men think you are a lady they will check you out and not approach you. If the men think you are easy they may come over and say something.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Go up and talk to them. That's not the baby step! Today I tried to smile at them, but because of my emotional response to it, it came out all wrong. It's the emotional response I first have to tackle. I don't understand why I respond that way.
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Hi mesmerized. How do you respond to getting checked out? Do you smile back? Slow down? I wish I had the courage to do all these things, but instead I get completely flustered. For some reason it makes me feel so utterly self-conscious that my flight instinct kicks in. Does the same thing happen to you? If not, please help me react differently! I might smile, but most of the time I don't smile and no I don't slow down. Where I live people very very rarely approach you on the street, they just look at you. If I'm in a club or bar setting and I think the guy is cute I smile at him for a few seconds or look at him a few times. I'm not very courageous either, you're not the only one.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 You are not supposed to pick up the men that check you out. That would be a bit too desperate. If these men think you are a lady they will check you out and not approach you. If the men think you are easy they may come over and say something. If I lived in a Jane Austen novel, I might wait to be properly introduced by acquaintances. As things are, I'm ready to hussy it up. 3
FitChick Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 How do you know they are not just looking at you because you are walking by and we tend to notice moving objects? What happened to all those men in the dating website candy store?
Woggle Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That's not the baby step! Today I tried to smile at them, but because of my emotional response to it, it came out all wrong. It's the emotional response I first have to tackle. I don't understand why I respond that way. Just talk about something unrelated to flirting and take it from there.
Anela Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Hi mesmerized. How do you respond to getting checked out? Do you smile back? Slow down? I wish I had the courage to do all these things, but instead I get completely flustered. For some reason it makes me feel so utterly self-conscious that my flight instinct kicks in. Does the same thing happen to you? If not, please help me react differently! I get flustered, too. I froze when a cute guy (seemed slightly younger than me), once stopped to talk, after some confusion around the door of a grocery store, I'd smiled at him, and then we both laughed over it. I've also just walked faster, ducked behind shelves or into a bathroom. There was one time in November 2010. I'd been crying over an email exchange, and was feeling drained. I took a rare chance to escape the house and go to a bookstore (a Monday night), and turned to find a guy checking me out, and looking very pleased with what he saw. I just smiled back at him, I hope an appreciative-looking smile, because he actually gave me a boost that night.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I've been working on this, too. Enjoy the attention. Then check him out as well. Allow yourself to enjoy what you see, and possibly imagine him in a sensual or sexual scenario. Smile back. Even if nothing comes of it, it's FUN and SEXY. 2
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 How do you know they are not just looking at you because you are walking by and we tend to notice moving objects? What happened to all those men in the dating website candy store? The candy store is spilling onto the streets . In answer to the first question: I don't know, and I'm probably misinterpreting some of these interactions. I'm willing to bet, however, that some of them are genuine shows of appreciation. At the airport lounge, we kept looking at each other and they called my gate. He seemed surprised we weren't on the same flight. I turned around and he was looking at me. (I'm 80% convinced he was checking me out). Today, while I was leaving a subway station, I noticed a (very cute) guy standing in line to get tickets looking at me. I wasn't sure he was checking me out so I did a double take and he smiled. I got flustered and simply kept walking... 1
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Guys just don't understand that girls need pickup lines too. 1
Woggle Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Guys just don't understand that girls need pickup lines too. Trust me you don't. Just talk to a guy. If you have a good personality most men should respond to that.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 I get flustered, too. I froze when a cute guy (seemed slightly younger than me), once stopped to talk, after some confusion around the door of a grocery store, I'd smiled at him, and then we both laughed over it. I've also just walked faster, ducked behind shelves or into a bathroom. Yes, that's the other thing: the young ones! There's this bunch of young guys out there who are pros at checking women out! This one guy tipped his glasses at me today. That made me laugh. He couldn't have been more than 25, but I love the aura these guys exude. They're clearly doing it as a compliment. (This interaction was different than the other two I described, in that with the other two, I felt like they wanted to talk to me. This guy didn't.) 1
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Trust me you don't. Just talk to a guy. If you have a good personality most men should respond to that. Ok, so guy in line at the subway ticket line... I walk up and say what exactly? "Hi! My name's K."?
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Ok, so guy in line at the subway ticket line... I walk up and say what exactly? "Hi! My name's K."? lol exactly. It's not like our personality shows after saying "Hi". Besides we would sound pretty stupid doing it.
musemaj11 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Ok, so guy in line at the subway ticket line... I walk up and say what exactly? "Hi! My name's K."? Lol, they really need to make more pick up books for women. They are so clueless.
Author Kamille Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Smile at them and look down. O That's exactly what gets me nowhere. Please help.
mesmerized Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Lol, they really need to make more pick up books for women. They are so clueless. THEY DO! You'd be surprised how many women are dateless because of this, at least where I live lol Even the hottest of my friends NEVER get approach during the day.
ptp Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Ok, so guy in line at the subway ticket line... I walk up and say what exactly? "Hi! My name's K."? Just start out with "So do you come here often?"
Woggle Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Just talk about the weather or a current event or something to get a conversation started.
threebyfate Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 What kind of guy do you want, Kamille? Passive or assertive? I've asked this in another thread for another member so don't confuse assertive with macho or domineering. 1
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