Considering ending LDR - Is it the right time? How should I do it?

[confsd1989]

Hi, so I am pretty confused.

 

I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is from a different country - a spanish speaking country.

 

 

We have had problems in the past due to the language and cultural difference, but we have always thought it just made us stronger that we could get over those things.

 

I was living in his country for 15 months, that is where we met. We lived together for that time. But, I had to go back to the states to study 4 months ago. He came and visited me for a month in that time.

 

Before he visited me we talked a fair amount, but after he left (to return to school in his country) we haven't maintained contact. We really never talk. He doesn't have internet in his apartment because he doesn't want to pay for it and he was also abroad for awhile so he wasn't online much then either.

 

But, in this time, I havent missed him. It was really hard when he left, but right now I dont miss him at all.

 

I have a plane ticket to his country in 2 weeks. I dont want to go. I want to stay here with my friends and get some summer classes out of the way.

 

I also cheated on him 2 days ago...

 

The strange this is, I dont feel guilty. I did at first but then I felt relieved. Him and I always talked about marriage and having kids, but now I feel too young to be talking about that.

 

He has no definite plans for moving to the states and me living in his country is out of the question because of my degree. His degree is a lot more research based so it makes more sense for him to study in the states because of how much funding there is. But, when he came to visit he met with no professors and made very little effort to do so. I feel like he has made little effort to be with me. He argues that it is harder than I think. I just dont think he has tried hard enough.

 

So I dont know.

 

Do I break up with him?

And if, so how?

Do I tell him about the cheating?

[pettie]

From what you said, the proper "relationship" seemed to have died a while ago, so I would say that stating it with an official "break up" would be merely protocolar.

 

Still, I'm curious - what does he say? have you ever talked about what happened with your relationship, that is now cold and distant? You mentioned also that he has made little effort to make things work. What about you? Perhaps he felt the same thing about you. It seems that you both slowly drifted apart and didn't do anything about it.

[ladyabstrused]

Sounds to me like the both of you do not want to be together? Because by the looks of what you're describing, both sides don't seem that interested to want to be together.

 

Were those plans you discussed with him just purely future discussions or were they really plans that you and him would want to work towards? Because if they were really plans, each of you would be doing things to communicate and also to move towards being together. There doesn't seem to be any seriousness there though. Do you think so too?

 

I've got to also agree with pettie. It does seem like both of you drifted apart not doing anything about it and if any one of you were serious at all with those plans mentioned in your post? There would have at least been something done from either side to pull close or to make it work.

 

Are you still going to go see him?

[HeavenOrHell]

Do you mean you've not really talked much in 4 months?

 

If so, then it sounds like there's no relationship anyway and no need to tell him you want to break up.

 

Sounds like neither of you are bothered, so I don't see the point of breaking up when it looks like you already have.