Troubles Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 So Im back, i posted about my break up with my girlfriend back in Sept 2011. I am going through a tough time with cancer and things hit the relationship hard, where I ended up pushing her away when she wanted to be there more to help me. So things ended then, it ended in a calm manner, no yelling or anything crazy but I was at shock by it and it did hit me hard. She needed someone to "be there" for her physically and needed to get herself straight and her life back together, (she was going to have some sort of surgery as well). I went NC for about a month and had found out here and tehre that she was dating and seeing other guys, for the next 2-3 months untill January she was texting me here and then telling me she loved me and missed me, and wished we were still together. Around the ending of January I found out she had a boyfriend(through facebook), they weren't "exclusive" but i still found out and she had been with him for the past 2 months but I couldn't make sense of it as she was still texting me telling me she loved me and texting my family seeing how they were doing and telling them she loved me. So I confronted her and asked her through text if she was seeing anybody and if she was that it was best we didnt speak anymore due to respect for him and myself. She denied it and said she wasn't. Knowing this was a lie I still asid to her it was difficult to speak and couldn't talk to her anymore. She said her heart was torn and didn't understnad why I was doing this. So we went NC again and then at the beginning of April she sent me an e-mail saying she really missed me, missed everything about me and needed my advice as I was the only one who really understood her, it was regarding her health and the surgery that she was going to have. Now because this woman had been there for me throughout most of my cancer treatments and the emotional process of it all I felt bad not being there for her for this. I replied and we exhcnaged about 3 e-mails before she thanked me for being there for her and that was it. 2 weeks later I got an urge to contact her, i thought this cant be that bad, I should let her know how I feel besides im practicly on my death bed and don't want any hard feelings between anybody in my life and so I did. She replied 5 days later through e-mail and sent me a long e-mail telling me about how things were with her family and asking how I was, also adding that she always thinks of me. I replied telling her about everything going on with me and pretty much ended it off with saying that I miss her and think about her frequently and missed her comfort and that maybe sometime down the road we would see where things went from there. She never replied. Im a little confused as till this day she was yet to admit about this other guy. I guess I was dumb for replying or e-mailing her back as now I sort of feel like the 'back up' or the comfort that she was me if things dont work out with this guy. Our relationship was great, we loved eachother and I do still love this woman. It just sucks because I know we were great and now things are this way. Do I go strict NC, even though it sucks not being there for someone who was always there for you? What do I do?? Need some insight guys or similar experiences would be great. As well I have kept a blog that I usually write on and since the day we broke up till this day she checks it about 4-5 times a day. Whats the deal with this?
wilsonx Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Tough spot to be in. What your ex says is what is going on. She misses you, that is it. Have you not talked to an old friend in a long time and wonder whats going on with them? Thats how she feels right now. Nothing more, nothing less.
Exit Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Why didn't you ask her directly about Facebook after she denied it? If you discovered it by means of snooping or something like that I'd understand concealing what you know but if she publicly displays her relationship status and you were able to see it just by visiting her page, I don't think you needed to hide it. Maybe you did tell her and I just misread your post, but it sounds to me like she denied it and you knew it was a lie and just decided to go NC. Now you feel unresolved about why would she lie about that other guy the whole time when you never really got around to bringing it up. Anyways, at this point I would just let it be. Consider the favor returned as far as "being there for each other", you did decide to answer her email when she reached out to you. Now you've sent her one and she doesn't even have the decency to reply, so screw it. I also don't know how you go about seeing who specifically visits your blog as I have never run one, but constantly checking that can't be good for your mindset or for moving on either. Heck, now that I think of it that's another thing you kind of keep hidden from her and have never brought up, why does it appear that she's visiting your site. I don't know if you meant it literally about being on your death bed, but regardless, if you want some resolution about this, I don't see what you have to lose by saying 1) your Facebook mentioned you were with some one back when you told me you weren't and 2) when I check the visitors to my website it seems to always show that you have visited it. I only see two potential ways to really wrap this up and let it go and that's either going NC with the way things are now, not responding if she ever pops up and emails you again (since she can't even be nice enough to respond to yours) and just moving on for good. Or 2, you lay it all on the line, ask her the questions you've been avoiding asking, and seeing if anything comes of it. You have to be prepared for failure though, don't expect to ask her these questions and have her break down and say "I lied about being single and I'm constantly checking your website because I'm madly in love with you still". You may get some plain, less-than-ideal responses like "I really was single back when I told you that" and "I just look at your website to make sure you're doing alright". Also be aware you'd kinda be giving her the emotional upper-hand by asking these questions because they show a certain level of interest from you. Whereas if you just accept that she didn't answer your last email for a reason and there's no point in continuing on with this, you might walk away with more of your dignity in tact.
Author Troubles Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 So should I not reply to her messages when she emails me? They're most likely breadcrumbs right? They aren't in a relationship on Facebook I just saw pictures on her sisters page of them kissing...kind of snooped on them which is why I didn't directly ask her and tell her hat I saw it. I guess she thought I'd never come across it.
tornangel Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 FB sucks, I am never looking at my exs again. He blocked his relationship status to me . People like this just hide the newbies to keep the old ones around. They are pathetic, and I wouldnt let her see what u write in ur blog.
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