ThatDudeXO Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Is it rebounding if you're thinking about starting a relationship with someone you like and have liked before but you're not over your ex? Is it possible to have a new healthy relationship but when initially you're not completely over your ex? Just wondering.
wwwjd Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 sure, it is entirely POSSIBLE, but why not take a break? spend some time with YOU and get yourself all stood back up tall, and ready for a new relationship. else the ghosts come out when you least expect it.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 sure, it is entirely POSSIBLE, but why not take a break? spend some time with YOU and get yourself all stood back up tall, and ready for a new relationship. else the ghosts come out when you least expect it. Hmm. I'm 6 months post BU and implenting NC but my ex breaks it randomly whether by accident or just checking up. I'm bored of being in love and missing an ex who doesn't deserve my love and I've met a nice girl I had a really good time with last night but I'm not too sure what to do.
wwwjd Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 sounds like YOU should make the no contact stick. dont answer calls, block her email and texts, delete facebook friend etc 1
RiverRunning Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 sounds like YOU should make the no contact stick. dont answer calls, block her email and texts, delete facebook friend etc This, OP. As someone on the opposite side of that wall - i.e., I dated a guy who was quite obviously not over his ex-girlfriend - I'd say really go slowly with this. Date non-seriously. Don't bring up your ex. Do your best to focus on the person you're with in the present. In retrospect, I've no doubt that my ex really loved me and cared about me far more than he did the ex who came before me: but starting off a relationship in which my boyfriend was constantly mentioning his ex, speaking glowingly of her, even talking of sending her the occasional gift poisoned the relationship from the get-go. There was always an insecurity in me, a fear in me that one day he was going to take off. No one deserves to be put through that nonsense. I'm not saying you must be absolutely, totally, 100% over your ex-girlfriend before you move on - oftentimes, I think that dating someone else is something that helps somebody move on. I think people ruminate and ruminate over the last relationship, and being to glorify the ex, simply because there's nothing else there to occupy their minds about relationships. But I will say that if I met a guy and he told me that he was 'trying' to enforce NC, but his ex 'kept breaking it,' I would be gone. That's a sign to me that he's not all that serious about no contact. If he were, he'd be telling the girl: "I don't want to speak with you again." If she persisted, he'd tell her: "You're harassing me. Do it again and I will contact a lawyer."
lilyblue Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I wonder the same thing. I am in no way over my ex. But I'm also interested in someone... seems like something is bound to go wrong, but there's still the desire to see where it might go.
motive2002 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I've been a rebound-ee.. for lack of a better term. It's not advisable.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Hmm. I'm 6 months post BU and implenting NC but my ex breaks it randomly whether by accident or just checking up. I'm bored of being in love and missing an ex who doesn't deserve my love and I've met a nice girl I had a really good time with last night but I'm not too sure what to do. Dont do it. Ive been there, rebounding while Im not over an ex, and it just makes you feel horrible when you wind up hurting a nice woman, for something that isnt her fault.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 It's not. I've done this before and this is how I know. Even if you play by the book, do all the right things, don't cheat, don't lie, don't contact your ex, it's still an unhealthy relationship. You're not yourself, your mind is elsewhere, you're distracted. I did this once with a rebound, and I ended up hurting him (and myself) pretty bad. I also once dated a guy who wasn't over his ex, and he hurt me pretty bad also. Not because I loved him or was emotionally invested, but it was a big blow to my self esteem because I rejected other men I liked for him. Eventually he came to his senses and turned into this incredible person, but by that time I lost all interest and had moved on. So no, it's not a good idea, but I won't lie, a rebound definitely makes it easier (especially if he is a good guy). 1
Philosoraptor Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 There is a possibility of it working but it likely will not. You will bring pain to both yourself and to the person you are with as your heart and mind will not be in the right place in order for this relationship to flourish.
The Great Gazoo Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Hmm. I'm 6 months post BU and implenting NC but my ex breaks it randomly whether by accident or just checking up. I'm bored of being in love and missing an ex who doesn't deserve my love and I've met a nice girl I had a really good time with last night but I'm not too sure what to do. 6 months past? Meh go for it. Life's to short to wait around and live by all these silly dating rules. Spend time with her, get to know her BUT don't get serious and don't throw your heart into the fray... until you're sure you're ready.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 6 months past? Meh go for it. Life's to short to wait around and live by all these silly dating rules. Spend time with her, get to know her BUT don't get serious and don't throw your heart into the fray... until you're sure you're ready. That's what I'm kinda thinking. I'm thinking I might just do it for the fun of it. I've know this girl for a long time and I know she's a great girl, I most likely won't take it too seriously but it's nice finding someone whose on the same level as you. Reading the advice I think I'm gonna take it super slow and do it just for the fun of it. When I was with this girl, I forgot about my ex completely and was a having a great time, so why not eh?
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