Reddice Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 So it has been a couple of days since I last posted on LS, and I have been feeling pretty good overall. Though I have been going through some "weird" feelings the past days as well. I guess weird is the best word to describe it. Let me explain: I managed to set up a date for last saturday with a girl I've met online. So, I was very happy. On Friday I went out with some friends, got absolutely wasted, but still did manage to get approached by 3 girls during the course of the night (never happened to me before). I believe the fact that I was smiling the entire night might have been the cause. All in all, I had a great night. Saturday, I had the date. I might have still been drunk when I got up... My head didn't really hurt and I was feeling awesome. I was just a tad tired. There was definately nothing on this world which would have been able to keep me away from my date. So I went, took me almost two hours to get there by train. Met up with the girl and... Damn! I had nothing to talk about! I have never had as little to say or tell as that day. To make matters worse, my fatigue caught up with me. I might have even had a few moments where I almost dozed off. All in all, I guess she really liked me because we did kiss at the end of the day. So not a bad day after all right? Well... I don't think so either. The real problem is, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex the entire day. It made no sense whatsoever. The day after, Sunday, I met up with my brother to grab a bite to eat and go to see the Avengers movie. At a certain point, during conversation, we got onto the subject of my ex. Apparently, the day before (on Saturday) my mother had seen her walking by, hand in hand with the guy she left me for. Don't know if it was mere coincidence, but it was more or less the same time I arrived at my date that same day. Apperently my ex whispered something to her new bf who even looked away from my mom. She and my mom didn't speak or even say hi. I was a bit shaken by this story, but no too serious. Or at least I thought... I haven't been able to get her out of my mind ever since. I even kept thinking about her throughout the entire movie. I had a terrible day at work today due to her running around in my head. So what the hell is going on??? Why did this feeling start at almost the same moment when my ex saw my mother? Why do I even think about her when I'm with someone else having a good time? Even with another girl! I guess nobody might have the answers, but still... Don't know where else to turn with my feelings.
geegirl Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way. It's only been 3 months since your break up. It takes a while to completely rid an emotional attachment especially when you were in a relationship for a significant period of time and if you were the dumpee. Do you think it's wise for you to date when your mind and heart is somewhere else, as it's neither fair to you or the person you are dating. It isn't fair to you because you may not be able to see the potential in someone because you're not fully vested in the process, therefore the possibility of making wrong choices is high because you're seeking a crutch or you may miss out on someone wonderful because you're not fully available. It's not fair to them because they may be coming to the table wholeheartedly and wanting to establish a meaningful connection with you. I wouldn't put too much emphasis as to signs in terms of why you felt odd when your mother encountered her. It doesn't carry any weight in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we try to read into things because we're trying to find something hopeful to latch on to. I think youhave to ask yourself where you are in the healing process and is dating beneficial or detrimental to your healing. If dating stirs up emotions that you're trying to detach from, then most likely it would be best to work on healing so that you may one day be emotionally healthy and available to new people and opportunities that may come into your life. 1
Author Reddice Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way. It's only been 3 months since your break up. It takes a while to completely rid an emotional attachment especially when you were in a relationship for a significant period of time and if you were the dumpee. Do you think it's wise for you to date when your mind and heart is somewhere else, as it's neither fair to you or the person you are dating. It isn't fair to you because you may not be able to see the potential in someone because you're not fully vested in the process, therefore the possibility of making wrong choices is high because you're seeking a crutch or you may miss out on someone wonderful because you're not fully available. It's not fair to them because they may be coming to the table wholeheartedly and wanting to establish a meaningful connection with you. I wouldn't put too much emphasis as to signs in terms of why you felt odd when your mother encountered her. It doesn't carry any weight in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we try to read into things because we're trying to find something hopeful to latch on to. I think youhave to ask yourself where you are in the healing process and is dating beneficial or detrimental to your healing. If dating stirs up emotions that you're trying to detach from, then most likely it would be best to work on healing so that you may one day be emotionally healthy and available to new people and opportunities that may come into your life. Yeah... I'm more or less thinking the same thing about the dating. On the other hand, my date just (in March I believe) came out of a 7 year relationship so the possibility exists that we might be eachother's crutch. In fact, I'm fully expecting to be her rebound. Doesn't really bother me at this stage. We're taking things slowly. Our next date will be in aprox. 2 weeks from now, so I'm not rushing it. And she knows my background story, so she knows where I'm coming from. I guess it still bothers me though, that I'm having trouble forgetting about someone who treated me so badly. I want to forget her completely. I just wish there was some kind of off switch.
geegirl Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 (edited) I guess it still bothers me though, that I'm having trouble forgetting about someone who treated me so badly. I want to forget her completely. I just wish there was some kind of off switch. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's normal to love the people that have hurt us. It's an emotional tie, whether they're jerks or not. Be careful of "rebounds". What you believe may not affect you now, could possibly in the long run. When two people attach for all the wrong reasons, there's going to be trouble. If you give yourself time and use that time to heal that void, nurture yourself and involve yourself with people and experiences that cultivate good feelings within you, you will soon get to a good place. But if you involve yourself with situations that only stir and possibly produce bad feelings because you're trying to escape or fill a void, then you're derailing and setting yourself back. It only prolongs the healing process. You know what's best for you. Hope you heal and recover soon. Edited May 7, 2012 by geegirl
Recommended Posts