Am I shallow?

May 7, 2012

ROFL are you stoned?

You clearly did not make this thread to listen to differing opinions, SD. You made it with the hope of getting people to tell you 'no, you're not shallow'. Mission accomplished, no? I've no intention of arguing with someone who isn't interested in helping himself. Til next thread.

of course he did not, as usual. look at how he only "liked" the postings that told him "no, you are not shallow".

that's why i won't even bother to answer the original question of this thread - besides, it's pretty self-evident anyways.

May 7, 2012

For the record, I am FINE FINE FINE with physical preferences. Having them has nothing to do with sd's question. It's his perspective on human beings and the nature of relationships between people that indicates a very shallow guy.

May 7, 2012

Yet … you are qualified to reject and accept based on bra cup size. THAT seems stupid to me, coming from a guy who deems a girl's height requirement as "stupid."

One of these things is not like the other. A short woman who wants a very tall man equates to an average man who wants nothing less than a perfectly shaped C cup breast or larger in a woman. Both are entitled to their preference, but some will claim both are being shallow if they are willing to sacrifice other more substantial qualities in pursuit of the unreasonably precise physical qualities.

An apt analogy to SD's particular breast preference would be a woman who wanted a man merely -taller- than she is.

Have read hundreds of bogus claims of SD's supposed shallowness here, have never seen one with any solid reasoning behind it.

May 7, 2012

Then we have this
Body Mass Index calculator you'll like

Punch in 5'4, 162 lbs, age 20-29 and what BMI do you get? What classification? What percentile?

Frankly, I don't know where you are getting your stats from.

that doesn't say much at all. Coleman and Cutler probably would have a BMI of 50 according to that calculator, doesn't mean they are fat.

May 7, 2012

What's wrong with knowing what you are and are not physically attracted to and looking for the things that you are attracted to? How is that any different than having a list or having tick boxes?

I find most of the least shallow people are attracted to an array of people who look very different from each other. They still ARE attracted and experience physical attraction.

Again, noting is WRONG with any of this per se. What's wrong with being shallow? I'm not the one saying it's "wrong" to be shallow. It's not something I care for, because it is a mindset that is not compatible to my own, but I have nothing against it and certainly many people have their tick boxes. I had mine for various non-physical things --- I'm very picky. Just not terribly shallow. I think people who aren't shallow wouldn't feel affinity for those who have that mindset, but I don't think that makes it "wrong" exactly.

SD is listing his preferences here simply to illustrate what his physical preferences are, and asking whether those physical preferences make him shallow. We'd all do the same thing if asked to list what our physical preferences are.

No one's physical preferences make them shallow per se. Fixating on them constantly, to the point where you could list them out so succinctly, makes one a bit shallow. And his other actions indicate that as well. Again, "picky" is not the same as "shallow."

I also wholly disagree that in listing what he finds physically attracting that he's trying to "make other people out to be lesser because they are lacking a quality he desires." I think it's grossly unfair to paint SD in that box.

He basically said overweight women don't look like women. That's a shallow and rather rude thing to say. I'm not talking about his personal preferences, I'm talking about the way he chooses to think about them.

Plenty of people here, every single day, say things like, "I like women with small boobs" or "I like a man with a clean shaven/baby face," or whatever. How are they not shallow for listing that preference? How are they not trying to make other people out to be lesser because they are lacking a quality listed?

If that's the bulk of what they say and in how they seem to select a partner, they are shallow. Making someone lesser has nothing to do with stating a preference, it has to do with the need to 'defend' why those who don't fit in the range of your preferences don't count at all.

May 7, 2012

One of these things is not like the other. A short woman who wants a very tall man equates to an average man who wants nothing less than a perfectly shaped C cup breast or larger in a woman.

I don't agree. An inflexible boob preference is an inflexible boob preference, whether it's for an A cup, a HHH cup or a specific range. Just like an inflexible height preference.

Both are entitled to their preference,

That is exactly what I am saying (for once, I am saying the same thing you are saying)

But then we diverge.

Because SD is calling the woman "stupid" for having the tall guy preference. But he is A - Okay for having his own set of preferences (which include a not average weight preference, evidently - I'm not gonna look at any BMI charts to double check this, though).

SHALLOW SHALLOW SHALLOW.

Or, more aptly, just a profoundly unformed perspective on other people, particularly the opposite gender to him.

May 7, 2012

Addendum: Even though I am basically in agreement with the "shallow" label, I don't think it's completely accurate. Emotionally immature is probably the key.

My brother used to have a big crush on Ariel, "The Little Mermaid." She had all the qualities he felt he'd love in a girlfriend. SD reminds me of this.

May 7, 2012

You ALWAYS say that ANY girl with the "list" of attributes you have posted here will do just fine.

That is shallow, because hair length, body type, bra size and hobbies are just a minuscule fraction of what makes up a person.

Yes, that is shallow thinking.

Just because a woman is all those things, doesn't mean she is compatible, mentally healthy, kind, or even tolerable.

May 7, 2012

I don't agree. An inflexible boob preference is an inflexible boob preference, whether it's for an A cup, a HHH cup or a specific range. Just like an inflexible height preference.

Actually, according to his logic, a short woman wanting a very tall man should be analogous to a flat-chested man wanting a C-cup woman. Because, you know, it's worse to want a polar opposite.

May 7, 2012

Addendum: Even though I am basically in agreement with the "shallow" label, I don't think it's completely accurate. Emotionally immature is probably the key.

My brother used to have a big crush on Ariel, "The Little Mermaid." She had all the qualities he felt he'd love in a girlfriend. SD reminds me of this.

Yep, agreed. SD's 'ideal girlfriend' meshes with that of many of the guys I knew in my teens and early 20s, too.

May 7, 2012

I used age 29 (which is closer to your age). 162# was 62nd percentile, I think.

I tweaked it to find 50th percentile: 148#, 5'4", 29 yo, is 50th percentile. AND is classified "overweight". So the average 20 yo woman is overweight according to this BMI calculator.

That's really sad. Though that doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to start being more attracted to overweight women. My body doesn't care what average is or isn't.

Meanwhile, the average weight for men aged 20-74 years rose dramatically from 166.3 pounds in 1960 to 191 pounds in 2002, while the average weight for women the same age increased from 140.2 pounds in 1960 to 164.3 pounds in 2002.

You are aware that 20-74 is a huge age range right?

that doesn't say much at all. Coleman and Cutler probably would have a BMI of 50 according to that calculator, doesn't mean they are fat.

Who are they?

May 7, 2012

That's really sad. Though that doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to start being more attracted to overweight women. My body doesn't care what average is or isn't.

I tweaked again for 30-39 (women your age), and the 50th percentile falls at 158# for 5'4"

I understand that you don't find that attractive. Or, better phrased, you have not yet found yourself attracted to a woman that size (stranger things have happened!). But you need to understand that the thin women you desire ARE considerably less than "average" weight.

eta....that thing sometimes uses the exact age, and sometimes a range, but it appears that 158# is only for age 39. Steadily increases from age 30-39.

Edited May 7, 2012 by xxoo

May 7, 2012

My age range is not 30-39.

I'm only 30 years old, and most men prefer women a few years younger than them. I'm not out of the norm for doing the same.

May 7, 2012

My age range is not 30-39.

I'm only 30 years old, and most men prefer women a few years younger than them. I'm not out of the norm for doing the same.

I said women your age, not women your preferred age range.

Preferences aside, you can not deny that 30 year old women are your age

May 7, 2012

I said women your age, not women your preferred age range.

Preferences aside, you can not deny that 30 year old women are your age

I have actually revised my opinion on the matter. I think Somedude would probably go well with a partner his own age . Preferably with long hair, D cups and the demeanor of a college chick

May 7, 2012

No. You pretty much you want a somewhat attractive girl that takes care of herself. How is that shallow?

SD used the "Like" button on this. Which suggests to me in other words that's what SD is seeking in a girl. A somewhat attractive lass who takes care of herself.

Therefore, this is what I'm basing my post on.

Here's the issue SD. Well, one among others. You want a somewhat attractive girl that takes care of herself. There's nothing wrong with that. That's what most single red blooded males want.

The problem is... you don't expect said "(somewhat) attractive takes care of herself girl" to expect the SAME FROM YOU. It's not even about looks at this point with you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's about the 2nd part: "TAKES CARE OF HERSELF." In your case, takes care of himself.

By the way you constantly worry, overanalyze relationship theories, spend enormous chunks of time "researching" (you recently made a thread about single statistics for men under 40), and your own self-defeatist thinking... YOU ARE NOT TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF.

Put it this way. There's a single girl out there... her name is SomeGal81. She complains all the time that men have it easier, that no one loves her or ever gives her a chance, that God is out to get her, that she is basically a person with no goals other than getting a boyfriend. She doesn't even have any friends nor is concerned with making female friends. She claims she can make guy friends easily, but at this point in her life is stopping because all that's ever gotten her is friend zoned.

She posts everyday on a relationship board asking for advice, people repeat the same things to her, but she always makes up excuses not to (re)try the advice given. This song and dance repeats for several years.

She basically has no confidence, no friends and no drive in life beyond getting a boyfriend. What does she really have to offer? She is beyond clingy when given the slightest chance, and she is constantly worrying about how "everything works against her."

THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE/HEALTHY IN ANY SENSE.

That's the scenario I just laid out for a "SomeGal81." Sadly, can you really argue that that isn't YOU, SomeDude81? (but flipping the gender roles, obviously)

The problem is, you're looking for a girl who takes care of herself, but you don't take care of yourself! Ever hear of the saying "Birds of a feather flock together" ? It basically means, more often than not, people of the same ilk hang out together.

Healthy people tend to gravitate toward healthy people.

Unhealthy people tend to be isolated, or in similar unhealthy company.

It's unrealistic for you, until you make some serious conscious decisions to change your life, to ever expect a magical girlfriend to come into your life.

The way you are thinking, the way you are spending your time, the way you are currently living your life, SD, is not healthy. You won't be able to change alone either, I suspect. You really need to drop your pride and start seeking some help from REAL LIFE face-to-face sources.

Shallow isn't your problem. Your main problem is you're doing the same things (or not doing the same things) that has always failed for you, and expecting success to magically occur.

May 7, 2012

Actually, according to his logic, a short woman wanting a very tall man should be analogous to a flat-chested man wanting a C-cup woman. Because, you know, it's worse to want a polar opposite.

Of course, as Gloria Steinem said, "logic is in the eye of the logician." Why should I expect anything more rational here on LS?

May 7, 2012

SD used the "Like" button on this. Which suggests to me in other words that's what SD is seeking in a girl. A somewhat attractive lass who takes care of herself.

Therefore, this is what I'm basing my post on.

Here's the issue SD. Well, one among others. You want a somewhat attractive girl that takes care of herself. There's nothing wrong with that. That's what most single red blooded males want.

The problem is... you don't expect said "(somewhat) attractive takes care of herself girl" to expect the SAME FROM YOU. It's not even about looks at this point with you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's about the 2nd part: "TAKES CARE OF HERSELF." In your case, takes care of himself.

I interpreted that as somebody who watches what she eats, exercises a bit and doesn't let herself get fat. Also no smoking or drugs.

But of course, you come up with some idea straight out of left field.

Put it this way. There's a single girl out there... her name is SomeGal81. She complains all the time that men have it easier, that no one loves her or ever gives her a chance, that God is out to get her, that she is basically a person with no goals other than getting a boyfriend. She doesn't even have any friends nor is concerned with making female friends. She claims she can make guy friends easily, but at this point in her life is stopping because all that's ever gotten her is friend zoned.

She posts everyday on a relationship board asking for advice, people repeat the same things to her, but she always makes up excuses not to (re)try the advice given. This song and dance repeats for several years.

She basically has no confidence, no friends and no drive in life beyond getting a boyfriend. What does she really have to offer? She is beyond clingy when given the slightest chance, and she is constantly worrying about how "everything works against her."

THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE/HEALTHY IN ANY SENSE.

I'd date her

May 7, 2012

Of course, as Gloria Steinem said, "logic is in the eye of the logician." Why should I expect anything more rational here on LS?

Yawn.

The majority of men prefer women shorter than them - the majority of women prefer men taller than them.

The majority of men prefer women with decent-sized breasts - the majority of women prefer men who don't have moobs.

Ergo if a short woman wanting a tall man is 'shallow and stupid', logic dictates that a lean man wanting a woman with large breasts is 'shallow and stupid' as well. Which I am certain even you can see the irony (and stupidity) in.

Was it not truly elementary, my dear Watson?

P.S: Gloria Steinem? Really?? Are we in some sort of 'How many threads can I derail to satisfy my personal agenda of mocking feminism or anything or anyone related to it' competition here? Because in that case I certainly concede.

May 7, 2012

I think the major thing that invalidates your post is...

Now you're invalidating my opinion? Are you serious?

SD is short and wants a short woman. He wants his equal in terms of height (and other things) and is annoyed that his height equal wants something he perceives to be "better than." That's shallow?

May 7, 2012

Who are they?

you gotta be kidding me

May 7, 2012

I tweaked again for 30-39 (women your age)...

My age range is not 30-39.

I'm only 30 years old, and most men prefer women a few years younger than them. I'm not out of the norm for doing the same.

I said women your age, not women your preferred age range.

Preferences aside, you can not deny that 30 year old women are your age

C'mon, xxoo. You said "30-39 (women your age)". If someone said "33-42 (women your age)" to me (I'm 33) I'd respond the same way, as there's a 9 year age difference.

...and the 50th percentile falls at 158# for 5'4"

I understand that you don't find that attractive. Or, better phrased, you have not yet found yourself attracted to a woman that size (stranger things have happened!). But you need to understand that the thin women you desire ARE considerably less than "average" weight.

eta....that thing sometimes uses the exact age, and sometimes a range, but it appears that 158# is only for age 39. Steadily increases from age 30-39.

Just because the average American woman is overweight (which is true) doesn't mean that he's shallow just because he's not attracted to overweight (aka average weight) women.

May 7, 2012

C'mon, xxoo. You said "30-39 (women your age)". If someone said "33-42 (women your age)" to me (I'm 33) I'd respond the same way, as there's a 9 year age difference..

I didn't choose the 10 year age ranges. sd chose the website with that calculator, using 10 year age ranges. I just used the age range that includes women his age (he used 20-29, which does not even include women his age).

May 7, 2012

So let me guess this straight...It's ok for you to want a woman whose cup size is at least average but it's not ok for a woman to want a man whose height is at least average??? Doesn't make any sense. you'd have more luck with girls from other ethnicities because average Caucasian's males and females height is higher than a lot of minorities height.

Also, you know hair can grow, right?

Edited May 7, 2012 by mesmerized

May 7, 2012

^ LOL at your last line

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