Am I shallow?

[ThaWholigan]

Did you even read the post you quoted? Or have you read any of the posts on this forum, this thread even? Women are attracted to tall men. Some even require a man to be a certain height to even give him the time of day.

 

A man who is short, loses points with a woman, and he has to make them up some other way. The short guys you know who can get women, do that. They know how to make up for their lack of height. But if they weren't short, there wouldn't be anything for them to make up for.

most of them don't even think about being short. Since I've been online and seen all this furore about short dudes, I've asked all the short dudes I know, and only 2 of them suggested that they had to make up for it.

 

Women are attracted to tall men. A lot of women are ALSO attracted to shorter men. A man who is short doesn't lose points with ALL women. Quite a few find shorter dudes attractive. Anyway you're making assumptions to fit your view. Could it possibly that this belief you've invested so much into is actually wrong? I think so. I also think it's holding you back from your true potential. Embrace your shortness. Trust me .

 

(no I'm not trolling).

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Please DY, you are making a lot of assumptions, especially in your last paragraph.

 

The thread was meant to be fun, girls were posting their ideal too (I personally found it funny that some of the guys objected to FS' six pack pic). It doesn't mean that everything else is lost on us.

 

I'm not making any assumptions. The reality is, if a lot of guys here spent more time trying to get to know women, understand them and relate to them, they would have much more general success with women then the million of threads that are posted about women's looks day in and day out.

[somedude81]

most of them don't even think about being short.

If I was having success with women, I wouldn't think about being short either.

 

Since I've been online and seen all this furore about short dudes, I've asked all the short dudes I know, and only 2 of them suggested that they had to make up for it.

That just means that they are the only two who are aware of it. Odds are that a guy who is doing good with women, isn't going to worry about what they want and he's not going to study it. Why should he when things are working as they are? Also, that doesn't mean that they are not naturally making up for their height. Some guys are just really charming, and unfortunately, I'm not like that.

 

 

 

Women are attracted to tall men. A lot of women are ALSO attracted to shorter men. A man who is short doesn't lose points with ALL women. Quite a few find shorter dudes attractive.

I think you're just pulling that out of your ass.

 

 

 

Anyway you're making assumptions to fit your view. Could it possibly that this belief you've invested so much into is actually wrong? I think so. I also think it's holding you back from your true potential. Embrace your shortness. Trust me

Not that I have any clue how to do that. I don't think it's going to help me at all. What am I going to do, walk up to woman and say. "Yo, I'm short. Give me a BJ."

[Feelin Frisky]

So you are saying that it's shallow to turn down somebody because you are not attracted to them?

 

No. Unless we're talking someone that's obviously a sea donkey or other monstrously grotesque freak of nature, it's shallow to be quickly dismissive or someone you haven't gotten a chance to know a little more. Mine is an older guy's attitude--not that I'm talking about tyring to get laid, just meet a woman who might turn out to be a very worthwhile acquaintance if not eventually more. A younger guy who is closure to school age) or as many as ten or 15 years after, is more apt to look for "utility" in a woman he doesn't know yet and defer to those school years where indeed there seemed like and endless supply to pick, choose or ignore from. The shallowness is not in one's taste, it's in one's reduction of another human being too a type that can be immediately written off or disposed of. Be assured though I make no judgment and haven't read all your posts. I can say there are lots of women whose initial appearance does not register positively on me at all. But that can change very quickly with some gesture of personality that reveals a flattering feature like an appealing smile, a dimple or cute manner.

[somedude81]

I'm not making any assumptions. The reality is, if a lot of guys here spent more time trying to get to know women, understand them and relate to them, they would have much more general success with women then the million of threads that are posted about women's looks day in and day out.

Explain.

 

I've already asked you to before in my other post to you.

[somedude81]

No. Unless we're talking someone that's obviously a sea donkey or other monstrously grotesque freak of nature, it's shallow to be quickly dismissive or someone you haven't gotten a chance to know a little more. Mine is an older guy's attitude--not that I'm talking about tyring to get laid, just meet a woman who might turn out to be a very worthwhile acquaintance if not eventually more. A younger guy who is closure to school age) or as many as ten or 15 years after, is more apt to look for "utility" in a woman he doesn't know yet and defer to those school years where indeed there seemed like and endless supply to pick, choose or ignore from. The shallowness is not in one's taste, it's in one's reduction of another human being too a type that can be immediately written off or disposed of. Be assured though I make no judgment and haven't read all your posts. I can say there are lots of women whose initial appearance does not register positively on me at all. But that can change very quickly with some gesture of personality that reveals a flattering feature like an appealing smile, a dimple or cute manner.

It's funny that you say that, because a great deal of women will disagree with you.

 

Honestly, I do agree with you, but it really does depend on where the freak of nature line is.

 

I have three guidelines when it comes to women:

 

Ideal

Preferred

Minimum

 

And a woman has to be pretty far below average to not meet my minimum. And if she doesn't, she simply can not be considered as a romantic prospect.

 

So while I prefer a woman to be thin, I can accept a woman who is a little chubby.

[ThaWholigan]

If I was having success with women, I wouldn't think about being short either.

 

Do you think I dwell on whether I would be successful if I didn't have learning difficulties and was overly sensitive in my younger days? Being tall and (allegedly) good looking hasn't exactly helped me . I don't think about how much it hinders me. I think about how awesome it's going to be getting good at meeting women and having fun.

 

That just means that they are the only two who are aware of it. Odds are that a guy who is doing good with women, isn't going to worry about what they want and he's not going to study it. Why should he when things are working as they are? Also, that doesn't mean that they are not naturally making up for their height. Some guys are just really charming, and unfortunately, I'm not like that.

 

Most guys start out horrible with women. Then they find out what works for them, who they're attracted to, and who they attract. Then they work accordingly. This isn't exclusive to short guys. Only the naturals never have those problems. I suspect they were really good people in a past life .

 

Seriously, you tell yourself that you can't charm or you can't this or that. There are VERY few things I hate in this world. One of them is people who say "I can't". You certainly can (Barack lol "yes we can"). You can learn, you can experiment, you can stop agonizing over every encounter and learn to have fun with it and be in the moment.

 

I think you're just pulling that out of your ass.

 

No. Short dudes are getting laid left right and center. This tall thing is a myth. I don't know where it came from, but it's complete bollocks. Stop believing it .

 

 

Not that I have any clue how to do that. I don't think it's going to help me at all. What am I going to do, walk up to woman and say. "Yo, I'm short. Give me a BJ."

 

Oh ye of little faith. I don't mean you should do that. I mean you should stop bitching about being short. I mean you should accept that you are as you are and build upon it. I also want you to recognize that girls can certainly be attracted to you, and if they aren't, it's likely that it's NOT YOUR HEIGHT!!!

 

I have had problems believe me. I still have them. But I at least look on the bright side and I'm willing to believe I can do things. If you want to have any success, you should to.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Explain.

 

I've already asked you to before in my other post to you.

 

Sorry, I thought I explained enough. My bad. I'll try to describe it better.

 

Here is the deal. Yeah, you probably got some personal things you need to work on..lack of confidence...other things going on inside you. I'm not sure how much of that you are really doing but it is something you need to seriouly dig into to work out.

 

But so many of the guys on here, you included, don't even try to relate to women in any other terms then their t*ts and a$$. You don't really see anything of women except what you think they need to offer you to be attractive enough to date you. This is what your posts, and most posts around here focus on. Which tells me is that you don't even know how to think about women or relate to them in terms of anything outside their physical bodies. I am not saying physical attraction isn't important, but knowing what you are physically attracted to isn't going to help you much if you don't know women, on the inside.

 

You probably don't even know enough about yourself to know what you are looking for emotionally in a relationship. You probably don't even know what your emotional needs are or thought about what kind of person you want to be with your partner, what kind of person she is, and the kind of life you'd like to ideally lead with them. You probably never done much reading or research on women and their own emotiona make-up.

 

Most likely, when you go online, you come here, visit youtube for funny male-like-videos, visit Facebook and look at porn. (that's not a personal shot in this case because I am taking my personal opinion of porn out of that here.) But it's just said to illustrate that none of these things teach you anything about women. You don't spend your time going to resources where you could actually learn about women. Except here. except here when women tell you guys things about us, we are either told how untrue that is or how silly we are. You don't want to learn who women are. You sure know what kind of women are looking for physically. But you know jack about how to relate women on any other level then the physical. And this is part of the reason you struggle with women.

[WhiteChocolate]

SD81,

 

You can't do anything about your height. So fixating on it and blaming it for your problems (i.e. my lack of self-confidence is because of my height), why not take charge and just forget about it?

 

I have small boobs and I don't let that trip me up. Lots of men prefer "something to grab onto" but it's not a dealbreaker. Height is the same way for women. Women who fixate on your height aren't likely to be a match for you anyway.

 

One guy I had a crush on a few months ago was my height. I'm 5'4''. He's freakin' short. But he had the sunniest personality. If you asked him if he would like to be taller? Of course he'd say yes. But hey, he hasn't let it stop him.

 

You MIGHT feel that you would be "happier" if only you were taller. But that's what women who go under the knife feel all the time. And does it solve their problems?

 

Nope.

[fallenenvy]

Yeah that sounds fine on paper.

 

But as fallenenvy pointed out, short women want tall men too. In fact it's basically stated that nobody prefers a short man. All I can do is hope to meet a girl who simply doesn't care about height. In other words, my height is neutral at best, and a dealbreaker at worst.

 

.

woah woah woah.... liking a tall guy doesn't mean i won't date a short one or even that ppl don't prefer guys closer to their height.. i dated a guy that was 5'5 110 and cute as hell... it's not the deciding factor.. as someone else said like liking a certain color of eyes.. i love blues and greens.. my bf has brown.. i didn't pick him for his height and had he been average or even short i'd love him all the same.

 

You need to to be more secure about yourself.. honestly confidence in a man is sexy as hell.. i had a very good friend with benefits when i was younger.. he wasn't much of a looker in hindsight.. but he was super confident and that made him irresistible and sexy as hell (and he was not that tall either! so HAH!) if you could stop fixating on the flaws you think you see in yourself you would stand a much better chance of connecting with someone.

[Cypress25]

short women want tall men too. In fact it's basically stated that nobody prefers a short man.

 

Nobody? I've told you a million times that there are plenty of women who prefer short men, myself included. You've chosen to ignore that, just like you choose to ignore everything that doesn't fit with your preconceived notions of what women want.

 

How about a story of a woman who changed her preferences and married a man shorter than her and he wasn't rich or famous?

 

Of course I know tall women who hooked up with shorter men. I didn't share any of those stories because those women, as far as I know, didn't change their preferences. They simply didn't care about the man's height one way or the other. Believe it or not, women don't go around judging men for their height all the time.

 

If I were average height, I believe that I would have had a GF by now, without having to change anything else about myself. Women would be physically attracted to me.

 

Bullsh*t. Plenty of women are physically attracted to short men. Otherwise, no short dude anywhere would be able to get a date. If you were average height, you'd be having all the same problems you're having now, except you wouldn't have your height to blame.

 

Women are attracted to tall men. Some even require a man to be a certain height to even give him the time of day.

 

For the love of God. You need to let that belief go. It simply isn't true that all women prefer tall men. There is no shortage of women who prefer short guys (heh, no pun intended). Let's be honest here. Even women who prefer short men are not interested in dating you. Why is that?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Originally Posted by somedude81

So you are saying that it's shallow to turn down somebody because you are not attracted to

them?

 

No, it is shallow to not even give them a chance, and see if attraction develops.

 

Especially when you believe that people who are not attracted to YOU should give YOU a chance.

 

Get it? Do you?

[LittlePrince]

For the love of God. You need to let that belief go. It simply isn't true that all women prefer tall men. There is no shortage of women who prefer short guys (heh, no pun intended). Let's be honest here. Even women who prefer short men are not interested in dating you. Why is that?

I've never known a woman who prefers shorter men and even the studies on attraction don't back you on this. According to all of the experiences I've heard from short men women smaller than them don't want them. They would rather have unreasonably taller men who are completely out of proportion for these women.

[somedude81]

Sorry, I thought I explained enough. My bad. I'll try to describe it better.

 

Here is the deal. Yeah, you probably got some personal things you need to work on..lack of confidence...other things going on inside you. I'm not sure how much of that you are really doing but it is something you need to seriouly dig into to work out.

 

But so many of the guys on here, you included, don't even try to relate to women in any other terms then their t*ts and a$$. You don't really see anything of women except what you think they need to offer you to be attractive enough to date you. This is what your posts, and most posts around here focus on. Which tells me is that you don't even know how to think about women or relate to them in terms of anything outside their physical bodies.

You are wrong on so many levels. I don't even know where to start.

 

I am not saying physical attraction isn't important, but knowing what you are physically attracted to isn't going to help you much if you don't know women, on the inside.

And it's not going to hurt me either.

You probably don't even know enough about yourself to know what you are looking for emotionally in a relationship. You probably don't even know what your emotional needs are or thought about what kind of person you want to be with your partner, what kind of person she is, and the kind of life you'd like to ideally lead with them.

You are correct here.

 

You probably never done much reading or research on women and their own emotional make-up.

And why should I do that? Is it going to help me get a girlfriend? Honestly, that doesn't sound like something any guys actually do.

 

You don't spend your time going to resources where you could actually learn about women. Except here. except here when women tell you guys things about us, we are either told how untrue that is or how silly we are. You don't want to learn who women are. You sure know what kind of women are looking for physically. But you know jack about how to relate women on any other level then the physical. And this is part of the reason you struggle with women.

IMO, I'll learn how to relate to women and who they are, by actual first hand experience. I learn by interaction, not by reading books or whatever.

SD81,

 

You can't do anything about your height. So fixating on it and blaming it for your problems (i.e. my lack of self-confidence is because of my height), why not take charge and just forget about it?

Right now, I just believe that my height is the primary reason why I can't get a GF. It's something I can't just forget about, until I've actually started dating. To put it another way, I'm looking for something to blame.

 

I have small boobs and I don't let that trip me up. Lots of men prefer "something to grab onto" but it's not a dealbreaker.

And lots of men prefer small ones, and many men don't care at all. I actually think that there are more men who prefer small or simply don't care, then there are men who like big ones.

 

But it's not the same with a man's height.

 

Height is the same way for women. Women who fixate on your height aren't likely to be a match for you anyway.

Sounds like a sour grapes mentality.

 

One guy I had a crush on a few months ago was my height. I'm 5'4''. He's freakin' short. But he had the sunniest personality. If you asked him if he would like to be taller? Of course he'd say yes. But hey, he hasn't let it stop him.

That's cool.

You MIGHT feel that you would be "happier" if only you were taller. But that's what women who go under the knife feel all the time. And does it solve their problems?

 

Nope.

Do the women who go under the knife even have any problems? I've never heard of a woman who struggled with getting men and blamed having small breasts as the reason, have you?. I just don't see having small breasts as a problem.

 

woah woah woah.... liking a tall guy doesn't mean i won't date a short one or even that ppl don't prefer guys closer to their height.. i dated a guy that was 5'5 110 and cute as hell... it's not the deciding factor.. as someone else said like liking a certain color of eyes.. i love blues and greens.. my bf has brown.. i didn't pick him for his height and had he been average or even short i'd love him all the same.

OK, I have no reason to disagree with you.

You need to to be more secure about yourself.. honestly confidence in a man is sexy as hell.. i had a very good friend with benefits when i was younger.. he wasn't much of a looker in hindsight.. but he was super confident and that made him irresistible and sexy as hell (and he was not that tall either! so HAH!) if you could stop fixating on the flaws you think you see in yourself you would stand a much better chance of connecting with someone.

I know confidence is sexy and much desired. The problem is, I don't have anything to be confident of. When it comes to women, I've only known failure and pain.

 

Also when I'm with a woman and trying to connect with her, my flaws are the last thing on my mind. It's not till after that I try to rationalize why she didn't like me.

Nobody? I've told you a million times that there are plenty of women who prefer short men, myself included. You've chosen to ignore that, just like you choose to ignore everything that doesn't fit with your preconceived notions of what women want.

That's the first time I head you say it.

 

So if two guys were similar in every way, but one was 5'10 and the other 5'5, you'd chose the shorter one? Be honest.

 

 

Of course I know tall women who hooked up with shorter men. I didn't share any of those stories because those women, as far as I know, didn't change their preferences. They simply didn't care about the man's height one way or the other. Believe it or not, women don't go around judging men for their height all the time.

I think it's more of a a subconscious thing. Though some women are aware of their tall preference.

 

Bullsh*t. Plenty of women are physically attracted to short men. Otherwise, no short dude anywhere would be able to get a date.

That's not what I meant.

 

If you were average height, you'd be having all the same problems you're having now, except you wouldn't have your height to blame.

I completely disagree with you. Unfortunately, there is no way to prove which one of us is right.

 

What I am saying, is that if I were taller, women would consider me to be more attractive than I am now. And with that in place, there would be a higher chance of a girl who rejected me before, actually saying yes if I were taller.

 

For the love of God. You need to let that belief go. It simply isn't true that all women prefer tall men. There is no shortage of women who prefer short guys (heh, no pun intended). Let's be honest here. Even women who prefer short men are not interested in dating you. Why is that?

Simply because I believe that women who prefer short men do not actually exist.

 

Aside from what you just wrote, I have never heard any mention of a woman who prefers a below average height man.

[FrustratedStandards]

I've never known a woman who prefers shorter men and even the studies on attraction don't back you on this. According to all of the experiences I've heard from short men women smaller than them don't want them. They would rather have unreasonably taller men who are completely out of proportion for these women.

 

I've actually recently just found out why.

 

I have mentioned before that I have a short friend who always complains that all men are too short for her (she is 5'4 and wants a man at least 6 feet). This has always irritated me because the taller girls need the taller guys, and short women had it easier.

 

Then she explained the phenomena to me. She said the following:

 

"But you don't get it. If you find a guy who is just your height or only an inch taller, he is already considered tall. If I find a guy who is taller than me at 5'6, even though he is taller than ME he still isn't considered TALL, and I want a TALL man because that gives them power and sexiness."

 

So a man being taller than a woman doesn't make him tall. According to the world, being tall means being at least 6 feet, that's why women of any height want this regardless of how short they are.

Edited May 9, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

[LittlePrince]

I've actually recently just found out why.

 

I have mentioned before that I have a short friend who always complains that all men are too short for her (she is 5'4 and wants a man at least 6 feet). This has always irritated me because the taller girls need the taller guys, and short women had it easier.

 

Then she explained the phenomena to me. She said the following:

 

"But you don't get it. If you find a guy who is just your height or only an inch taller, he is already considered tall. If I find a guy who is taller than me at 5'6, even though he is taller than ME he still isn't considered TALL, and I want a TALL man because that gives them power and sexiness."

 

So a man being taller than a woman doesn't make him tall. According to the world, being tall means being at least 6 feet, that's why women of any height want this regardless of how short they are.

I think it has more to do with women being more image conscious and self-conscious who are using taller men to overcompensate for their lack of stature.

 

At the end of the day any woman wanting a 6' man is being unreasonable like a man wanting a woman with breasts of a cup size larger than DD but still a petite frame since most men aren't 6' and the average height iirc is something like 5'8" for a man. That's 2 inches away from half a foot and many times when I hear women saying they want 6' I can hear in their voice they think that's settling. That's just ridiculous when you consider a bf who is 6' to be settling.

[Content]

I've actually recently just found out why.

 

I have mentioned before that I have a short friend who always complains that all men are too short for her (she is 5'4 and wants a man at least 6 feet). This has always irritated me because the taller girls need the taller guys, and short women had it easier.

 

Then she explained the phenomena to me. She said the following:

 

"But you don't get it. If you find a guy who is just your height or only an inch taller, he is already considered tall. If I find a guy who is taller than me at 5'6, even though he is taller than ME he still isn't considered TALL, and I want a TALL man because that gives them power and sexiness."

 

So a man being taller than a woman doesn't make him tall. According to the world, being tall means being at least 6 feet, that's why women of any height want this regardless of how short they are.

 

I could only imagine the convos you and your friends have:laugh:,at least you found people as shallow as yourself

 

As far as the whole height thing it gets overblown online.Im 5'8 and not to brag but ive never had a problem with women and convincing them of my "power" or "sexiness" so to speak

Edited May 9, 2012 by Content

[FrustratedStandards]

I think it has more to do with women being more image conscious and self-conscious who are using taller men to overcompensate for their lack of stature.

 

At the end of the day any woman wanting a 6' man is being unreasonable like a man wanting a woman with breasts of a cup size larger than DD but still a petite frame since most men aren't 6' and the average height iirc is something like 5'8" for a man. That's 2 inches away from half a foot and many times when I hear women saying they want 6' I can hear in their voice they think that's settling. That's just ridiculous when you consider a bf who is 6' to be settling.

 

Well it depends. If a girl of 5 feet is asking for a man of 6 feet then yes, it's a bit ridiculous. But if a woman of my height (5'10) is asking for a man of 6 feet, that's pretty reasonable.

 

The average man isn't 6 feet, but neither is the average woman 5'10.

[FrustratedStandards]

I could only imagine the convos you and your friends have:laugh:,at least you found people as shallow as yourself

 

It's funny how people assume i'm shallow just because I want a tall, good looking guy. I am a tall, good looking girl, so there is nothing wrong with wanting reciprocation and NO I won't post photos, I don't have anything to justify.

[Els]

So a man being taller than a woman doesn't make him tall. According to the world, being tall means being at least 6 feet, that's why women of any height want this regardless of how short they are.

 

Because 'your friend' clearly equates to 'the world' and all women are alike, right?

[Emilia]

I've actually recently just found out why.

 

I have mentioned before that I have a short friend who always complains that all men are too short for her (she is 5'4 and wants a man at least 6 feet). This has always irritated me because the taller girls need the taller guys, and short women had it easier.

 

Then she explained the phenomena to me. She said the following:

 

"But you don't get it. If you find a guy who is just your height or only an inch taller, he is already considered tall. If I find a guy who is taller than me at 5'6, even though he is taller than ME he still isn't considered TALL, and I want a TALL man because that gives them power and sexiness."

 

That's because your friend is the kind of woman who places a lot of value on how she is perceived. She wants to go out with men that she perceives to be a catch by most women's standards - but in a superficial way:laugh: She is clearly competitive and not very bright. If she isn't careful, she will pick men who think the same way as she does and will upgrade her at first opportunity. In which case she will get exactly what she deserves

[zengirl]

Totally disagree, especially where the more visual gender (males) are concerned. There are millions of people on the planet. Why give "a chance" to someone you're not attracted to?

 

I think it depends on what "Give a chance" means. FF's follow up post lays it out well, so I won't repeat that. I don't think one should feign attraction or have a R with someone they don't dig, BUT I do think it's shallow to say people outside some set guidelines "don't count" or treat any woman (or man if you're a guy) who approaches you as essentially disposable if they don't have sex appeal, etc.

 

If you have to make a split second yes/no call for a date, I get saying no if you feel no attraction. There are WAYS to do that which are shallow and ways to think about it and justify it etc etc, and there are ways to do it which relay more depth.

 

But as fallenenvy pointed out, short women want tall men too. In fact it's basically stated that nobody prefers a short man.

 

Technically, before I met hubby, I would've said I did. I had dated hardly any tall men. The men I seemed to date and prefer were in the 5'7'' - 5'9'' range, short to average. Of course, I had no height 'requirements' either way, but I remember joking about worries I'd feel too short with hubby at first, since I don't like wearing heels. But, no, I wouldn't imagine many women would have a height "requirement" of a certain shortness. I meet very few women with height requirements --- some, sure, but it's maybe 20-30% of women AT ABSOLUTE MOST (I'd say less, as it's WAY fewer than that many women I actually know and come across IRL), generally very attractive, generally looking for both rich & tall, generally fail at Rs in general and pick men as superficial and drama-prone as they are. Not a circle I'd want to be in. I meet plenty of women who can express a preference and then date a guy who looks like the polar opposite the next day. That's because to most people, preferences aren't firm, inflexible things. Maybe they are at 19, I don't know and never thought about such stuff at those ages, but they generally aren't by your mid 20s.

 

Granted, I will say being tall for a guy is kind of like being relatively thin for a gal, in that it makes you look better in clothes and is a shape that is more naturally appealing, due to basic socialization. I think most people who deconstruct looks probably think about it, but I just see that happen so rarely IRL. It happens every day on LS, but this place is weird.

 

How about a story of a woman who changed her preferences and married a man shorter than her and he wasn't rich or famous?

 

I know a couple women married to or living with men shorter than them. One of my exes who's 5'8'' and certainly not rich (he's a former newspaper editor who was out of work when he met his wife and freelance writer) married a friend of mine who used to model in her teens, is very pretty, and is just shy of 6' tall. She's a pharma rep now, so she easily makes more money than him too. True story.

 

Problem #1: My Height.

 

If I were average height, I believe that I would have had a GF by now, without having to change anything else about myself. Women would be physically attracted to me.

 

Maybe if you were a psychologically different person due to the lack of height complex and fixation, but if you still had the same psychology, I would firmly disagree that a couple of inches in height would matter.

 

Problem #2: My lack of confidence and self-esteem.

 

This is caused by me being short and not being able to get a girlfriend. Honestly, it feels more like a symptom than a problem. But low confidence has made it more difficult to approach women and make the necessary moves. If I were average height, this problem would not exist.

 

This is caused by you tying your self esteem in with the idea of being tall and having a girlfriend, neither of which are required belief sets.

 

Problem #3: Connection/chemistry

 

I don't really know how to connect with a woman in an intimate way and make her want me as more than a friend. With no physical attraction it's an uphill battle. If I were average height, this problem would not exist. That is because when a girl likes a guy, she makes it easy for him and things would have just worked themselves out.

 

Do you really think there are no average height men on the planet who struggle with dating?

 

A man who is short, loses points with a woman, and he has to make them up some other way. The short guys you know who can get women, do that. They know how to make up for their lack of height. But if they weren't short, there wouldn't be anything for them to make up for.

 

The short guys who do well don't think about life in terms of "making up" for their lack of height, IME. They don't define their dating life by being short either. There are plenty of women you won't lose points with for being short, most of them won't eliminate tall men wholesale or have a fetish for short guys, but will simply not care and focus on holistic attraction. Your fixation on your height is more damning to you than the height itself.

Edited May 9, 2012 by zengirl

[Disenchantedly Yours]

somedude81

You are wrong on so many levels. I don't even know where to start.

 

I go by what I see. I see a lot of men that are ready to stack on the list of requirments when it comes to looks. Or make it seem like some great sacrifice if they don't end up with someone as hot as some bullcrap photoshopped images they spend their days trolling for on the internet.

 

But you could try to explain to me because I don't understand how you think I am wrong. I don't know unless you tell me. If all men do is post and talk and talk and talk about hot chicks, what do you think women are going to think? Simply saying I am wrong isn't good enough. You have to actually point out where you think I am wrong.

 

 

And why should I do that? Is it going to help me get a girlfriend? Honestly, that doesn't sound like something any guys actually do.

 

Yes actually, it would. What you are doing now isn't exactly helping you get a gf either is it? How about trying something new. THe problem is that a lot of men do not seek out good information for and about women. Instead they go to things like porn or stupid PUA crap or lame Askmen website that do nothing but show young hot babes laying in guys laps with titles of, "how to check out other women while you are with your gf". And what happens? They perpetuate alot of bitterness, false expectations and plain wrong information instead of going to a more reliable and less automatically self gratifying source. The issue is a lot of men don't want to do the actual hard work it takes to change themselves and learn to relate to women on a level they never had to before. Relationships aren't easy for any one. We don't get married when we are 18 to our high school sweethearts. Interaction between the genders takes a little more knowledge then it use to. Women tend to seek out this information in droves. Men tend to revert to things like porn and other junk. Come on. If you really want a relationship with a breathing women, then put the effort into it. You don't expect to be given a job without work do you? You don't expect to go to the gym without having to put in work right? Real women are difficult. I understand. We are hard to understand. I seriously understand that. Soemtimes we do crappy hurtful things. But if you want to spend the rest of your life jerking off to porn and failing to understand real women, you can. I just don't think any man lived his life and said at the end of it, "I wish I looked at more porn/bought more sex dolls".

 

IMO, I'll learn how to relate to women and who they are, by actual first hand experience. I learn by interaction, not by reading books or whatever.

 

Well that is where you are wrong. You can use both as resources. You can read books about things that women will never tell you, especially if you have a hard time forming relationships with women anyway. You can read books about how to improve the things you don't feel confident in yourself. What it could it hurt? It's not like your current way of doing things is getting you anywhere right?

 

Right now, I just believe that my height is the primary reason why I can't get a GF. It's something I can't just forget about, until I've actually started dating. To put it another way, I'm looking for something to blame.

 

 

As for height, I am tired of defending short men on a forum that is all about talking about all the ideals women need to physically live up to satisfy them. If women want tall men, too bad. I use to be eager to tell guys that height didn't matter, cause it didn't matter to me, because I've been attracted to men of all heights. But then you get bullcrap threads about men rubbing each other's backs and drooling over hot pictures of girls that are pretty unrealistic for most girls to be so I give up on caring about men and how they feel about their own looks. Men are not nearly as kind or understanding about women regarding their own looks. So if a woman is 5 feet and wants to date someone 6'4 who makes a million dollars, that's what she should date.

[joystickd]

Before I get started here I got to play some pimpin. I got to get in the mack mindset

 

I will start out by saying it doesn't matter short or tall hell even rich or broke. Its like the saying " The game has to be in you and not on you." I know some of the women on here will cluck like a bunch of chickens by the mention of game but to them all you got is misconceptions of what really game is. Now what that means is if you won the lottery and mysteriously grew tall if you don't have that self confidence and that comfort in your own skin it don't mean sh*t when it comes to meeting women. I will say I had a buddy 5'3" in high school he was banging 3 of the best looking girls in school at the same time. He caused a big stir around school after all three were seen in the car with him. Now he is married to a very beautiful woman and it was not because he was rich or tall.

 

I will say you like what you like that doesn't make you shallow. The main thing is focusing on improving yourself so you can have that game in you and not on you so you can have these women get down with you. I have been in the same position as you when I stepped my game up the women now approach me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You don't really see anything of women except what you think they need to offer you to be attractive enough to date you.

 

This is what I get from most of your posts, too.

 

SD - please indulge me in this. Give a list of what you feel you have to OFFER a potential girlfriend. Not what you "are" (for example, "reasonably fit") but what you will OFFER her that will make her life a better experience than it is without you in it.