lordbodom Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 So i have landed myself in a situation. I made the mistake of dating a co-worker. This started about a year and a half ago. We started dating and we were enjoying ourselves. She had a bad experience with a work relation before so she wanted to keep this on the down low so it doesnt affect the job in any way. One thing about us is that we are both hot headed and have bad tempers. So that led to a lot of arguments. But we always used to makeup because we realise its our tempers. We were doing really well and we fell in love with each other. At one point, I made a stupid insensitive reference about her body that she hasnt forgiven me for yet. Yes i was stupid and dumb. We eventually ended up breaking up but it felt like both of us did not want that. After the breakup we still talked and sometimes shared intimacy. I tried getting back with her and she did as well. But since we had rushed things before, she wanted to take things slowly this time around. She wanted to start off as us being good friends and taking it from there. of course i agreed and said OK, but i am not known for my patience. I kept pushing and pushing which eventually pissed her off. She kept saying i wanted her just so i wasnt lonely and i dint realy love her, just wanted to be with someone. This is not true since i dearly love her but i can see how she was hurt. So anyways, since we were in friend mode, we said date new people see how it goes. And left that option. i still tried getting back with her. but was getting mixed signals. i would go out with her one night and we would be laughing smiling and having moments together. Then the next day it feels like she was scared again and wouldnt talk to me for days on end. When i ask why she says we are just friends and not dating to have to talk to each other every day. i have been out with her many times and when we are together it seems that spark is back but the next day she seems to clamp up. Last time i was with her and intimate was in January. I took her out for her birthday and she came back to my place where we held and kissed all night. So a month or so ago, she complely changed on me. She wouldnt respond to my texts, she was keeping her distance and excuse was shes busy with school and work. I go out with her one time and she reveals to me she has started dating someone. That it is not serious yet but there is potential. I said cool and said was happy for her. what else could i say? We go out again a few weeks ago and she reveals to me who this person is. She went to the pub across work with some of her co-workers one night and there was one of the friends of someone who works with us. This person had worked in the same company before, but had left a while ago. To make things worse, she tells me that he is starting the job at our work again... So yeah it hit me. I got jealous, angry. Its one thing to know shes dating someone but another to hvae to see them together at work everyday. I really do love her still and do want to win her back. But i also respect that if she is in a relation then i should move on. For some reason, i do really not beleive her new relation will last. First i still think she is upset about us, and second the guy she is seeing has baggage. He is recently seperated from his wife and going through a divorce. Hasnt even been finalized yet. I feel this is a rebound for both of them. She still wants to be friends with me. She alwasy says that she does not want to lose me from her life. Even if its as friends. Last week i was a jerk and acted immaturely. Because of the jealousy. I texted her to take me back, i showed anger,etc. I told her now that i respect where she is and i support her 100% and would be a friend still. My thought is i will try to keep my distance (hard though since we are all in the same office). HOpefully time will heal me up. I will try to learn from my mistakes abd be stronger. But i have to be honest, if it is possible, i would try to get back with her because i really love her. Am i over reacting, should i just move on. Does it sound like they are in a rebound and probably wont work. I am so confused.
cerridwen Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 There's so many hurt feelings here, so much immaturity (that to your credit, you admit), space should be taken. At present, there seems to be a pretty unhealthy dynamic between you two. I recommend distancing yourself and seriously working on you. Let her relationship play out as it will. Don't hang about hoping it fails. And don't make the mistake of trying to exercise influence over it. You have work to do, improvements to make, skills to acquire that will help future relationships since this one is troubled and you're half the problem. Work on your insensitivity. Work on your temper. Work on your jealousy. Round out your social life and put more positive energy there. Then, if she becomes available again, you're in a somewhat better position to make things work. For now though, leave her and hers alone. Good luck.
Author lordbodom Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 Thanks. I realise im just being immature. I know i need to back off and just improve myself. easier said than done though. It still stings.
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