Leriel Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 First of al hello, this is my first threat, I came to this forum after i google "why can't I pick myself up"...I guess this is a good eye opener for my situation. I've finally decided to break up with the love of my life, yes I love him still but somehow it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like we have a future. I'm 31 he is 37, we meet 3 years ago and he had just came out of a 10 year relationship then, I told him I didn't want to be the rebound girl and that he needed time to be by himself and I would be there for him. Until then I had been alone for 1 year already. Back then he convinced me I wasn't a rebound, that he loved me and since I did love him I thought maybe I was being too careful and that was my chance to be happy so I threw myself right into it and we were happy, for 5 months, then he started to think about his ex (I guess he never stopped really, which find normal) I understood the situation and accepted to keep my distance but he will keep coming and going and playing (unwillingly) with my feelings...the whole situation was starting to hurt me to the point that I would find myself crying and not eating for days, so I took a radical decision and left. I actually left the country so he would have time for himself and also so I could move on and follow one of my dreams. During the 2 years which followed we still in contact, he promised me he was going to come for me and he dreamed about our encounter. I didn't dream cause I knew it wouldn't happen. He was seeing other girls during those two years without success, I was alone. I felt very lonely and he keep asking me to come back home (I don't feel I have a home anywhere) but he promised me we will make one, he was better and he wanted to be with me, so I made my decision and came back 8 months ago. At first it was good, I got a good job I enjoy, a flat by myself (he lives with his mother) and he was parading me telling everyone how amazing I was and how happy he was that we were together again, everyone seemed equally happy for us, he even tattooed my name on his arm, even though I told him I hate name tattoos. But then we started to spend less and less time together, there was always an excuse, some of then understandable, but there were so many that I started to feel like I wasn't a priority any more. There is never money to go to the cinema (he make enough money but he seems to have loads of expenses, which I don't see logical), there is never a good time to talk about saving and moving together, he wrote on facebook we were getting married next year (we just talk about it as a joke, or that is what I thought) but I thought "why not?" and when I tried to sit down to plan it he told me I was rushing things. He seems to talk to much and do too little....After he stood me up again with an excuse I decided to stop the relationship. It hurts so much. Since It was me who broke up I feel guilty about it, I felt guilty I when I left the first time, I feel guilty when I confront him about things cause it feels like I am rushing our relationship and I am the pushy one...and maybe I am, I am not sure I just don't trust my judgement any more. And the only truth is that I am alone again, no friends, away from my family and without any idea about what to do on the future. I have a job I like and the flat, I don't want to give up this things. I know I need to keep active and make new friends. I don't want to live with someone so unreliable but he is the only thing I got, i don't doubt he loves me but a life with him seems to be filled with disappointments. Am I being to strict with him or am I being naive and wishful thinking? I think I made the right decision by breaking up, but I keep doubting myself. I feel I'm going crazy by thinking too much.
Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 It sounds like you made a smart decision here as he was not ready for anything. I wouldn't be surprised if the facebook announcement was to invoke some jealousy from the ex by word getting back to her. For now, foster your own growth. Figure out what it is that you enjoy and go do it. Join some meetup.com groups that center around your hobbies and you will hopefully make some friends. For now just continue to live your own life. You have nothing to feel guilty about as you only did what was best for you. As long as you didn't do anything to intentionally hurt someone you have zero to feel guilty about.
zerovandez Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I also have been questioning my decisions lately. I'm lost, unfocused, and unsure. One thing that I've started again is golf. Since I started again, I feel that I can trust myself and decisions. I trust in my swing and my judgement. This does wonders for my confidence on and off the course. Maybe you should start? You would be surprised at the lessons you can learn by playing golf...
Author Leriel Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Thanks for your counsel, philosoraptor, you always see to have the right word to say to people and I really appreciate your input a lot as you uncovered a good point, I didn't want to hurt anyone so is true I shouldn't feel guilty. zerovandez, Golf seems to be like a great idea, plus it is an outside activity, unfortunately I can't afford the classes on my area. I certainly need to do something to feel more confident, i used to be such secure person and all of a sudden I find myself questioning everything plus I am sometimes scared as I see my "future" fading away...I need to believe in me again, not sure how to do it but at least I am thinking about it so i'll try to find a way. Once again thanks both.
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