Where to meet my kind of girl...

[Philosoraptor]

Yes, I would try this.

 

I'm remembering this smart, cool guy I dated for a while who had a similar style. We did so many fun, mind-expanding things together, and he seemed to be very into me. But he was not assertive with the physical flirtation, and I was not at all comfortable being the initiator. We made out once, and he never took it any further. And I totally wanted him!

 

We went out a few times and OTHER guys were flirting with me more than he ever had. One night we went to hip-hop night at this dive bar near campus, and all these other guys kept trying to dance with me and get close. Well, I declined and kept going back to this guy, trying to get him to dance with me. He would barely get close or touch me, and that was a big turn-off.

 

Then we went to a swing dancing class, and again, other guys kept hitting on me. My next boyfriend ended up asking for my number that night, and by then, I was so tired of waiting for this guy to make a move and get a little physical that I gave the other guy my number. I broke it off with the first guy, and told him why - because he wasn't making any moves and felt like just a friend.

 

Deep conversation is awesome, and I wouldn't want to go without it in a romantic relationship. But it needs to be sizzling, too. And that's all about action, not thinking.

Ah, but I'm referring to the initial meeting. I'm quite the flirt once I land a date. I just seem to talk too much when introducing myself. I will focus on making the intentions known early on though.

 

Why is your ideal partner younger if you're supposedly an old soul? And if you're so mature that you were able to buy a house at 22, what will you do with a 20 year old who hardly knows anything?

Why is anyone's ideal an ideal? You're interest is peaked by whatever peaks it. There are very few people I actually write off in the end.

 

Theres to many THINKS, boy you gotta KNOW lol. Man let these women see your swag. Careful with the deep conversation, mix light and heavy conversations. I suggest just meeting and hanging out with women and go with the flow. Basically date with zero expectations, line up multiple dates in a row if you can. I would also regard myself as intellectual, but also not afraid to show my dumb ass side as well. Being too intellectual, gives that pretentious vibe if you know what i mean.

 

Also rock climbing from what I've seen as some very good looking women, and for some reason they all tend to have great asses. Also you can be a noob and ask them for advice as a conversation starter.

It's not really the "date" part that has ever been an issue, it's finding someone that I'd like to date. This thread was mainly looking for locations to find such a woman. I think I'll just keep living my life the way that I live it and see what happens.

[Emilia]

It's not really the "date" part that has ever been an issue, it's finding someone that I'd like to date. This thread was mainly looking for locations to find such a woman. I think I'll just keep living my life the way that I live it and see what happens.

 

Welcome to the club. Unfortunately this is something you will struggle with all your life unless you drop your standards eventually. Perhaps one day you will go for kind and won't insist on bright.

 

The average person is fairly oblivious and ignorant and not very attractive. Since you are not average, this will be always an issue.

[Radu]

I've been going with 'keep your mouth shut' when it comes to relationships for the last 2yrs because i'm kinda like you [the sponge thing].

 

Have you tried it ?

 

My standards are not as high as yours, i don't think i can find a girl who i'll like physically, who's background i like [very important to me], who has the same attitude towards relationships and who can also be interested in what i'm interested.

It's just that statistically it's improbable.

I'd rather find someone who is very curious and will remain curious for the rest of her life.

 

PS: Do you have a place around the area that sells old books ?

That's where i met some interesting girls.

Edited May 9, 2012 by Radu

[missyme04]

It's refreshing to know there are still men like you out there.

 

So true. Men this days. Haaaaaaaaaaays. LOL!

[Philosoraptor]

Welcome to the club. Unfortunately this is something you will struggle with all your life unless you drop your standards eventually. Perhaps one day you will go for kind and won't insist on bright.

 

The average person is fairly oblivious and ignorant and not very attractive. Since you are not average, this will be always an issue.

I disagree. I've dated cute girls who were well above average in intelligence. Just lacked the chemistry that was needed to sustain the relationship. I'm not looking for someone with multiple Ph.D's, just someone that has both the desire and ability to expand their mind.

 

Dropping one's standards for a partner is akin to sticking with a job you don't enjoy just to pay the bills. Sure you're not lonely, but you're not fulfilled. I don't think my standards are that high since in essence all I'm looking for is a smart cute woman who I feel chemistry with. I get the eyes from the "gorgeous" girls but they really don't do much for me. I talk to them but most of the time they just make my brain hurt. I've went on dates with some but none have really went anywhere as I became disinterested. Not that they were bad people at all, just had nothing in common. I learned more about reality TV than I was interested in knowing.

 

One thing I've got on my side is patience. I don't need to find a hundred cute intelligent women that I match up with, just one. I figure I'm 25 and my best days are still ahead of me.

Edited May 9, 2012 by Philosoraptor

[Emilia]

I disagree. I've dated cute girls who were well above average in intelligence. Just lacked the chemistry that was needed to sustain the relationship. I'm not looking for someone with multiple Ph.D's, just someone that has both the desire and ability to expand their mind.

 

Oh sure, I meet plenty of great guys too that I don't fancy. The hard bit is someone who is smart AND worldly AND intelligent AND has wide range of interests AND is an animal in bed. Not many of those around.

 

Dropping one's standards for a partner is akin to sticking with a job you don't enjoy just to pay the bills. Sure you're not lonely, but you're not fulfilled. I don't think my standards are that high since in essence all I'm looking for is a smart cute woman who I feel chemistry with. I get the eyes from the "gorgeous" girls but they really don't do much for me. I talk to them but most of the time they just make my brain hurt. I've went on dates with some but none have really went anywhere as I became disinterested. Not that they were bad people at all, just had nothing in common. I learned more about reality TV than I was interested in knowing.

 

Yip. At some point you might decide to date a sexy and kind girl and find intellectual fulfilment with your friends or in your work. Perhaps with time you will learn to respect other attributes that are not intellect related.

 

 

One thing I've got on my side is patience. I don't need to find a hundred cute intelligent women that I match up with, just one. I figure I'm 25 and my best days are still ahead of me.

 

No but you will find them on a fairly regular basis. Probably more than one (though I hope you prove me wrong).

[Philosoraptor]

Oh sure, I meet plenty of great guys too that I don't fancy. The hard bit is someone who is smart AND worldly AND intelligent AND has wide range of interests AND is an animal in bed. Not many of those around.

In my case the chemistry died as we had very few common interests. I'm not in search of a clone but of someone that I share enough broad interests with. Someone willing to try or learn most things, just for the adventure if nothing else.

 

Yip. At some point you might decide to date a sexy and kind girl and find intellectual fulfilment with your friends or in your work. Perhaps with time you will learn to respect other attributes that are not intellect related.

I respect all attributes, but I seem to have offended you. I spend a good deal of time volunteering as well as sitting down and talking with anyone who looks like they could use a friend. Kindness is huge to me and I actually stopped seeing a girl just based on the fact that she was quite rude to staff at both stores and restaurants. She was very smart and not bad on the eyes, but she would speak down to people in stores. She also had a thing about picking things off the shelf and just tossing it anywhere even though it would have been closer to put it back. When I would say something to her she would say "it's their job".

 

It's not having every single attribute but having the drive inside to always want to strive to better yourself and those around you. Not allowing mental hurdles to get in your way. I find attraction to people who see an obstacle and overcome it, not sit down next to it and give up.

 

No but you will find them on a fairly regular basis. Probably more than one (though I hope you prove me wrong).

I will stay patient and wait to see what happens. Life has always seemed to work out for me so I will give it time.

[wwwjd]

I also avoid "party girls" and most drinkers really. This narrows my options about 90% considerably since many many very nice girls end up going to bars anyway with their "friends" due to lack of options... then I never find them.

BUT, I DO enjoy the hunt and the chase so it is simply putting in extra effort which can be a great time.

 

Nothing I hate seeing worse than a non drinking nice girl getting plowed with her girl "friends(?)" because she is lonely, bored, or desperate or whatever the self reasoning is. Then they go home with a loser and regret it for years to come. Church girls espeically suffer from this form of wanting to connect.

 

HEY NICE GIRLS!!! You won't find us hanging out in bars hoping to "score". We are out living life. And wanting to find you too. Just not in clubs.

[Emilia]

Someone willing to try or learn most things, just for the adventure if nothing else.

 

 

Do you know how few people are truly adventurous? I mean truly. Not even men are and they are with the testosterone that's supposed to drive them. You know how many guys I talk to OLD or in real life who just want to watch the telly and/or play video games? People are lazy intellectually and physically. Why do you think the world is full of fatties?

 

 

I respect all attributes, but I seem to have offended you. I spend a good deal of time volunteering as well as sitting down and talking with anyone who looks like they could use a friend. Kindness is huge to me and I actually stopped seeing a girl just based on the fact that she was quite rude to staff at both stores and restaurants. She was very smart and not bad on the eyes, but she would speak down to people in stores. She also had a thing about picking things off the shelf and just tossing it anywhere even though it would have been closer to put it back. When I would say something to her she would say "it's their job".

You didn't offend me. I'm just trying to point out what - I believe - you will be facing until you find your life partner. It will be/is an uphill struggle, that's all I'm saying. You will make it easy on yourself if you don't expect your life partner to satisfy all your interpersonal needs

 

It's not having every single attribute but having the drive inside to always want to strive to better yourself and those around you. Not allowing mental hurdles to get in your way. I find attraction to people who see an obstacle and overcome it, not sit down next to it and give up.

 

 

Agree 100%

[Emilia]

Let me give you a real life example. My boss is very smart, he didn't finish uni because he was up to no good really as a 20 year-old but he holds a very respectable position in the company and he is only in his mid-30s. He is a logical thinker, very quick, he watches lots of documentaries, he is into his current affairs, he is very good at debating.

 

He met his future wife when he was 22 and she was only 18. She was a caterer. They ended up dating and moved in together. Because of his working class background, there wasn't really the expectation that he would marry a professional woman, he didn't finish uni himself - although he would be classed by many as 'professional'.

 

He occasionally makes the throw away comment that he can't debate stuff with her the same way that he can with his friends or me but he loves being at home over the weekend, he loves being with his kids and he loves working from home (she is a stay-at-home mum). They have been together for over 10 years but if he could work from home, he would. He doesn't come to work to 'get away from the wife' like many men do. And he is smarter than many men. She likes her shopping and her stupid reality shows but she is also a good home maker and you don't hear them argue.

 

He finds outlet in other ways. Through his job, through debates with a few of us, etc. He doesn't depend on one person for all his needs.

[thatone]

i think the perspective the OP needs is that you're not going to find the perfect girl just by sitting around 'planning' it. this is pretty common amongst younger men, and it never works out that way.

 

relax, meet women everywhere, then decide a few years later what type you like from what's available to you.

[Emilia]

Sort of what I'm trying to say. I don't think he is just planning it but maybe his tastes are a little rigid.

[Philosoraptor]

Do you know how few people are truly adventurous? I mean truly. Not even men are and they are with the testosterone that's supposed to drive them. You know how many guys I talk to OLD or in real life who just want to watch the telly and/or play video games? People are lazy intellectually and physically. Why do you think the world is full of fatties?

I agree that a good deal of people are this way and they aren't the person for me. I have plenty of lazy days myself and don't expect someone to be trucking along 100% of the time. It's the willingness to do something, not always having the action to take at that moment.

 

You didn't offend me. I'm just trying to point out what - I believe - you will be facing until you find your life partner. It will be/is an uphill struggle, that's all I'm saying. You will make it easy on yourself if you don't expect your life partner to satisfy all your interpersonal needs

I'm quite close with friends and family and have never really needed a partner to fulfill me as a person. In a partner I am looking for someone who can both understand and challenge me. Someone who is both strong in their ideals yet open enough to listen. I've picked up so many things by just being willing to listen with an open mind. It's the reason I've always been willing to date women who haven't shown much more than a spark of common interest. Plenty of times I've been plesantly surprised by just opening my mind to both women and other ideas.

 

As was stated in the first post, just looking for more locations where I might find someone I feel I might have a better connection with. I figure at this point the best option would be to just continue to live my life and see who crosses my path, not go out of the way and "hunt" per se. At least you know if someone is out doing the same things you enjoy that you likely have something in common.

 

The only woman I have ever truly loved was in that cute and smart range. The thing that I was unfulfilled with was the fact that she could never see out of her own field of vision and you were wrong if you disagreed with her. The conversations became very disappointing and routine without the ability to go to something new or controversial as it wouldn't lead to a debate, but a fight. I think this really enforced the need for openness to me anyways.

 

 

i think the perspective the OP needs is that you're not going to find the perfect girl just by sitting around 'planning' it. this is pretty common amongst younger men, and it never works out that way.

 

relax, meet women everywhere, then decide a few years later what type you like from what's available to you.

Definitely not just planning, was just looking for further options. I'm out most days doing something whether it be hiking, a museum, or other attraction.

[thatone]

 

 

Definitely not just planning, was just looking for further options. I'm out most days doing something whether it be hiking, a museum, or other attraction.

 

it's not that, what we're trying to tell you, and we're assuming you're somewhat inexperienced with women (correct me if i'm wrong) is that you're not likely to find a 'perfect girl' just by turning over the right stone. enough stones? yeah, but not a specific one. doesn't work that way.

[BetheButterfly]

What I'm looking for is someone 20-25 who isn't really into the party scene. An intellectual with a good sense of humor but also outgoing and active.

 

In general I think I'm a pretty sweet guy who has a lot to offer. I don't think I'm bad looking at all (check the profile for pictures if you'd like to judge) and I always seem to have the best of intentions at heart.

 

I don't think I'm a bad catch at all but I've just not found the right place to go fishing I guess. I've always been much more mature than my age (25) and always have older women say "If I were a few years younger or if you were a few years older I'd be all over you".

 

Any ideas? I try outdoor events, museums, aquariums, parks... etc. I have no issue approaching or flirting and always have had the ability to hold a conversation with strangers, so it's not the bait but the lake.

 

Many women like the above description are humanitarians, who use their free time to help those in need. So, you might try getting involved in helping in the community. There are plenty of ways to choose. Also, some women are involved in politics/lobbying/advocating, so you might want to visit your city's capitol and see what interests you.

 

It would be great to make a positive difference while seeking your lady love.

[Emilia]

I'll laugh my head off (in a good way ) when some gorgeous girl grabs you in a bar one night, makes you her slave and to lose your head for a month or two

[Philosoraptor]

it's not that, what we're trying to tell you, and we're assuming you're somewhat inexperienced with women (correct me if i'm wrong) is that you're not likely to find a 'perfect girl' just by turning over the right stone. enough stones? yeah, but not a specific one. doesn't work that way.

Ok, corrected. I've been dating and or in relationships since I was 19. Over the years I've figured myself out over the years and at this point I'm honestly looking for the right girl, not the right now girl. I think many here are right when they say I'm more likely to find that closer or above my own age.

 

Many women like the above description are humanitarians, who use their free time to help those in need. So, you might try getting involved in helping in the community. There are plenty of ways to choose. Also, some women are involved in politics/lobbying/advocating, so you might want to visit your city's capitol and see what interests you.

 

It would be great to make a positive difference while seeking your lady love.

That's what I'm doing now and what I'll continue to do. Heck I even spend free time at work on this site as it always brings a good feeling when you feel you've made a positive difference. I think I'll just continue to live the way I am and wait for the right woman to cross my path.

 

I'll laugh my head off (in a good way ) when some gorgeous girl grabs you in a bar one night, makes you her slave and to lose your head for a month or two

Eh I think I'm past that point. Never really been into the bar scene and I have no interest in changing it. I'll be laughing in a good way when some gorgeous girl grabs me building homes for habitat for humanity and takes me away forever

[Emilia]

Eh I think I'm past that point. Never really been into the bar scene and I have no interest in changing it. I'll be laughing in a good way when some gorgeous girl grabs me building homes for habitat for humanity and takes me away forever

 

I could soooo change your mind but obviously won't. Good luck though!

[BetheButterfly]

 

 

That's what I'm doing now and what I'll continue to do. Heck I even spend free time at work on this site as it always brings a good feeling when you feel you've made a positive difference. I think I'll just continue to live the way I am and wait for the right woman to cross my path.

 

 

Many people have found love by not looking, which is ironic and amusing, but life is mysterious that way

[thatone]

Ok, corrected. I've been dating and or in relationships since I was 19. Over the years I've figured myself out over the years and at this point I'm honestly looking for the right girl, not the right now girl. I think many here are right when they say I'm more likely to find that closer or above my own age.

 

 

ok fair enough. and i agree you should look around a couple of years older, because most women your age are anything but as mature as you are telling us that you are.

 

i will say that tying yourself to a location, as you say you bought a house at 22, might not be wise.

 

do you live near a large city or out in the burbs/country?

 

reason for asking, there are different types of people in different places. if you live downtown in a larger city there will be a higher concentration of women who moved to a city alone for work/study. as such, they will be more what you're looking for.

 

in the country/surburbs, not so much.

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't think you're going to have any problem finding a compatible partner. Most of my friends from college (and now) fall into the range of what you're looking for - cute, active, smart, intellectually curious, humanitarian, hard-working, kind. Just keep meeting people, and you'll find some good matches.

[M2155]

Didn't read all the other comments, but IME, really the only way I've ever met guys who I actually ended up dating were through mutual friends. A friend's get-together, and event they were attending or everyone just knowing what I was looking for and keeping an eye out. I don't mean "setting me up" as much as in hanging with people I know and like I come into contact with people they know. The birds of a feather flock together tends to ring true. Maybe that's why I date so infrequently but when it happens, I'm usually with that guy for a good while.

 

I know that doesn't help, it hasn't helped me lately but I'm sure it will pay off when I least expect it.

[Sarabina]

I am on the same boat as you - but on the opposite side.

 

I am a 21 year old female looking for an intellectually stimulating relationship. Unfortunately, that is almost impossible amongst university students.

 

What are you interests/hobbies? Maybe you could join a club or organization to meet like minded individuals. (I am starting to do the same thing)

[d'Arthez]

I am a 21 year old female looking for an intellectually stimulating relationship. Unfortunately, that is almost impossible amongst university students.

If you are still a student a visit to some of the more intellectually stimulating departments might be in order.

 

If you want braindead students, a department of Social Sciences / Psychology is a good place to start. Speaking from experience.

[Els]

If you are still a student a visit to some of the more intellectually stimulating departments might be in order.

 

If you want braindead students, a department of Social Sciences / Psychology is a good place to start. Speaking from experience.

 

Some of the most traditionally brilliant and intellectually stimulating people I know are in psychology.

 

My experience has been that business/management/various other related branches seems to house the most party boys/girls. I'm sure there are business students who are actually intellectually curious and interested, but many of them just seem to be there because they had to pick a college course and this just seemed to be the most 'career oriented' one that didn't involve a lot of study or theory. Ergo, they weren't interested in knowledge for knowledge's sake.