ArticMonkeys Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 (edited) Long story short... My girlfriend broke up with me due to my insecurity, I would always accuse her of things that just couldn't be true, such as cheating on me behind my back with college friends etc. Looking back, the reason why I was so insecure was because she had cheated in the beginning of the relationship. There was A LOT of love in this relationship, we loved eachother so much that we spent everyday together. ANYWAY: We broke up almost two weeks ago, we didn't talk for slightly over a week and then one morning I caved in and called her...I just missed her too much. We spoke for 40 minutes and it was amazing, she seemed so happy. Then she had to go to college. That morning I got a missed call from her college, I tried to ring her back but there was no answer...I rang her that night to ask what was up and she said it hadn't been her. I know it was her because she's the only person I know in that college... I was taken aback and said "Oh ok" and after some pointless conversation we hung up...She told me she would ring me the next day but didn't and so I rang her. The cycle went on until this previous Saturday morning when I finally caved in and started calling her NON STOP. She didn't answer and so last night I went to her house at 9pm with stuff she had left in my house...and a song I wrote for her...the idea was to just push it through the letterbox but I gave up and eventually knocked on the door. She answered and we talked...basically she told me that she has no spark for me anymore, she's seeing someone else (who she slept with on Saturday night hence not answering the phone) and that she just wants to have friends now. There was tears, I told her that I'll always love her so we won't be able to be friends and wished her goodluck with everything...I also asked for her back. My question is: Is there any hope? In books I've read about going no contact I've read that it only works if your ex partner thinks your doing it because your not interested anymore...but last night I told her that I wanted her back and basically threw myself at her. Should I send a text now saying "I've been thinking and your right...we need time apart, I'm sorry it didn't work". Or just leave things and hope that one day she remembers the boy at her door who really genuinely cared for her and wants him back? Please help me...I'm so confused on Thursday night she was saying "Maybe we'll get back together on the weekend" and telling me she loves me. I honestly think she was "The One" so please no matter how hard you think it may be give me ideas...I think ringing her at this stage will only push her away further but I need to know whether to send that text or not and then actions I can do to get her back...I'm currently forming a band and I'm an amateur model, do you think if she saw me doing well for myself she would want me back? Edited May 7, 2012 by ArticMonkeys
Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 She made a choice and nothing you can do can change her mind. If she comes back due to a manipulative tactic she is just going to leave again as it wasn't a choice she came to internally. Just start living for yourself and see where the world takes you.
Author ArticMonkeys Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 (edited) I just don't understand how she can tell me she loves me one day and then sleep with someone else the next. Do you think if her relationship with the other guy falls through she'll be back? ALSO: Please what shall I do about the text? Text her or not... The way it is right now, she knows I care for her a great deal and want her back...should I leave it that way or text and tell her that I accept it and that she's right. Edited May 7, 2012 by ArticMonkeys
Philosoraptor Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Everyone chooses a different path at the end of a relationship. Some sleep around, some confine themselves to solitude... her reasons for whatever she has picked are her own and what she currently believes will give her the easiest path to healing. Will she come back? Maybe, but unless she can speak to you in a mature way and explain how things will be different she will be back of the wrong reasons and eventually leave again and tear you into pieces. You shouldn't text her. She knows how you feel and that is enough. This is her choice and she needs to come up with her decisions on her own.
Author ArticMonkeys Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 I did give it my best shot last night, I told her that I just want for her to be happy even if its without me. However I also said that I don't want to be friends in the future, but now I'm worried...if I initiate contact with her in the future will she just think I want her back? Thats why I'm considering sending the text.
Chi townD Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Leave it alone dude. You got your closure the other night. While, you were actively trying to reach your girlfriend, she let the calls go because she was in the middle of screwing someone else. Let it go. You don't need to text her to explain anything. Her actions did all of the talking. So, you need to block her on your facebook and lose her number. I guarantee you that she'll reach out to you in the future. She knows she did you wrong and the guilt will eventually get to her. Most women don't like to think that there's a person in the world that doesn't think they're a good person. SO, she'll probably reach out to you sooner or later. IGNORE IT!!! Because if you respond back, all you're going to do is ease her guilt and reward bad behavior. She doesn't want to get back with you, just for you to ease her guilt. Don't give it to her. Let her think about how she handled everything and that her actions do have conseqences.
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I agree with the above. I'm sorry. But if you do what you suggest, she's at best going to see you as a doormat and at worst a stalker. Whereas if you disappear she will miss you - but by the time she does, you won't care. And how great will that feel??
Author ArticMonkeys Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 I'll have to let it go and try to make myself into a better person so that she'll want me back...maybe she'll see me around or something? I hope she gives in soon...I've ended up on anti depressants because of this. She said we could be friends one day but whats the point in that? Would it ever progress further...probably not.
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 And it's a shtty rocky leaky boat that sucks. The only thing to remember is, it won't last. It really won't.
Author ArticMonkeys Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 Her bestfriend told her that I slept with someone else (not true) and that the girl I supposedly slept with that morning too...I denied it obviously but she still believes it...anything I can do?
Chi townD Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Nope! Her girlfriend is probably trying to help her ease her guilt about what she did to you. You told her the truth, if she doesn't want to believe it, then that's her problem. But, you can walk away with your head held high knowing that you didn't do it. Comforted in the truth. Sooner or later, she'll realize that you didn't. She probably already does, she just needs to go on trying to convince herself that you did so she can look herself in the mirror again.
Author ArticMonkeys Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 I got put on anti-depressants today. I will do literally ANYTHING in this world to get her back...what do you guys think would make her want me? I plan to work on my appearance but what else?
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 You can't make someone care. If they don't, they don't, however much you do. all you can do is take care of yourself, eat well, work out well, stay close to friends and family. in a month it will feel v different.
Author ArticMonkeys Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 I'm going to try and do all those things...I just hope one day she does care.
xxSRMxx Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 You sound like me...That is ALL i thought about in the first stages of the break up. HOW can i get my ex back? WHAT can i do? It doesnt help when you are being told you are still loved etc, my ex said to me ''i cant be with you the way you are at current'' I was insecure etc. so i thought right im just gonna prove im changing... I searched forums, read books, attempted nc etc. Does not always work out that way though, even though i started therapy because he was ALWAYS in the back of my mind the therapy doesnt work effectively, because all im thinking about is right ive done therapy i need to go and tell my ex what ive done, but instead it made him angry that I was getting in touch. Its took about a month for me to realise that you have to make the changes for YOURSELF. see them as they are gone, look at the mistakes you made in the relationship etc, work on them, accept them and sort YOURSELF out, dont do it for her, do it for YOU. please do not make the silly mistakes i made and appear desperate. Im lucky that my ex deep down does know im brilliantly awesome I am, so he hasnt really painted me as a psycho and he understands why ive reacted in some ways. But please, do this for you. I know you dont want to think about a next relationship, but if your ex decides not to come back (she has slept with someone else btw, thats pretty intense!) then just think how lucky your next gf will be to have a secure and happier you....my next bf is the luckiest man in the world
ls32ssibm Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I cannot stress how much I think you need to let her go. She hurt you. She doesn't want you. She's a cheater. Good riddance, let her screw over other guys. She'll get her heart broken one day. That's karma.
Chi townD Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I got put on anti-depressants today. I will do literally ANYTHING in this world to get her back...what do you guys think would make her want me? I plan to work on my appearance but what else? okay, time to hit you in the head with a 2x4. You make changes for yourself and yourself only. You want to better yourself for YOU and no body else. Now, I want you to read the next couple of sentences VERY CAREFULLY... Remember when you were calling here on Saturday and the phone kept ringing and ringing and you were wondering why she wasn't picking up? Because, at that very moment the phone was ringing, she had another man inside her. Now, why the HELL would you want someone like that? Someone that treated you so cruelly and with so much contempt? Dude, time to get your revenge. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.
wilsonx Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 There's no revenge in relationships. You need to let go of that or it will eat you for the rest of your life. Everyone wins in the end, she comes back and youre both happy or you both move on and your both happy. Why would you wish someone to be less happy in life because their feelings changed? I personally dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with me. Its not their fault and its not your fault. It just happens
Author ArticMonkeys Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 I don't know if I can cope anymore, I just woke up after dreams of me calling her...its so hard not to give in and just dial her number. The thing that hurts a lot right now is that she said "Maybe we'll get back together on the weekend"...why would she say that? She must have known she didn't want me...how can her mind change so fast?
Chi townD Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) There's no revenge in relationships. Yeah there are. They're called revenge affairs. Those happen in relationships. But, lets be honest. There is no relationship here. So, instead of wallowing in self-pity and turning to alcohol or whatever to deal with the pain. Instead of not being motivated to do anything but to sit around the house or apartment wondering and praying that the phone will ring. Instead of becoming a recluce and not socializing with friends and family because your too depressed. Then the OP needs to get up and get going with self improvement. To change his body and wardrobe. To go back into school and further a career. To travel and see the world. To enjoy life. To be happy with who he or she is! Then, they can say to themselves, "Look Ex, you hurt me and I was a shattered mess. But, I got better. And do you know what? I'm better than I ever was before. You missed out. You didn't beat me and replace me with someone better. I found that I CAN live without you. YOU'RE the one missing out on a great guy or gal." THAT'S what I mean by revenge. Edited May 8, 2012 by Chi townD 1
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