fed up of all this move on stuff after a breakup..

[Sophia12345]

Okay maybe im being unrealistic/stupid/naive whatever but everyone makes their own mistakes and if im learning the hard way then so be it.

 

 

When a break up happens its so EASY to say NC DONT EVER TALK AGAIN. But I've come to think that isn't allways the right option.

 

For example me and my ex broke officially just under 2 months ago. Only reason being he wants to chill with his mates not have to feel guilty about not seeing me over them. i KNOW he loves me more than anything but he is growing up. No matter how much you love someone why on earth would he want to grow up not living your youth the right way. He is'nt sleeping with anyone he is just chillin with his boys all the time. He still calls me, texts me, talks to me and every so often we do meet up. I am STILL the one he loves and that isnt going to change he is just growing up i will ALLWAYS be there for him and vice versa.

 

If i was to stop talking to him and go completely NC then to me that would just come across that I don't care and have no intention of sorting us out, which just isnt true. I KNOW nothing is gauranteed and that anything can happen in the coming months and this may be the end but something inside me is still telling me it isnt.

 

Some people may say he is talking to me to 'string me along' or 'figure out what he wants whilst keeping me as a back up' but surely he isnt thinking 'OH ILL TALK TO HER TODAY BECAUSE I NEED TO KEEP HER ON SIDE JUST INCASE' he does it because he wants to. I don't believe he has some kind of plan in order to find his happiness he is just doing what comes natural.

 

Im not ready to move on and neither is he, we are both sure of that we are both just giving eachother time to live our lifes, make sure were making the right commitment. If it works out GREAT i could not ask for anything more, if it doesnt then atleast i know i didnt give up right?

 

I understand this phase he is going through and tbh i appreciate the fact he hasnt cut all contact, isnt sleeping around ect, and isnt seeing other girls (yes he spoke to his ex and visited a girl in another town - but is that not all part of finding yourself). It makes me realise he DOES have feelings for me and DOES care about me. Yes feelings change and i might be looking at things in the wrong way but i feel he deserves the benefit of the doubt with this.

 

What hope is there if i just say CYA and leave him to it. He needs to know im still here, im not going anywhere and i still love him. He is that kind of person.

 

Im giving him space, sometimes we go weeks without talking but i know thats what he needs and wants at this present time.

 

I feel if i want a lasting relationship with this man i need to give and take. Right now im taking and i dont have any intention of giving up any time soon.

 

If it all blows up in my face then so be it, as least i know i didnt walk away too soon. I believe our love is strong enough to find its way back whether i go or stay, so im sticking around out of choice.

 

I may be back here next week with some story or maybe in a couple of months about how it hasnt worked out but im prepared for that, i KNOW there is a chance it wont.

Im actually quite proud of myself that atleast i know how i feel, im certain in my head what im thinking and where im going. Im not putting my life on hold, im still living doing the things i want just making sure my ex knows im here for him no matter what.

[Philosoraptor]

You are rationalizing his reasons and allowing yourself to be treated as a second option. You have already made it clear that you still wanted more and it's not your job to continue offering something that he has made it clear that he does not want.

 

Again, you're causing your own suffering and right now you are single and need to take care of yourself.

 

Denial is a hard thing to let slip away because at that point we must face the reality of the situation. This is why you continue to rationalize things instead of looking at them the way they are right now.

[Kamille]

I don't know your back story, but to me, the bottom line has always been this:

 

Your well-being is your responsibility. As long as this arrangement brings you more serenity then it does pain, proceed. If, however, the way things are tax your energy and raises your anxiety, it's time to move on.

 

Moving on wouldn't necessarily mean you would have to pretend you don't care about your ex. You could tell him you do, tell him that you believe the two of you had something special, and trust that he will know where to find you once he's completed his "growing up".

[stillafool]

OP remember people are only advising you on the information you provided to them. Maybe your posts made it seem that your guy was not interested as much as you are. If you feel he loves you and wants to be with you, so be it. You know better what your relationship is with him than anyone around here. Why were you complaining about him if you know he loves you and is "just growing up"?

[Sophia12345]

OP remember people are only advising you on the information you provided to them. Maybe your posts made it seem that your guy was not interested as much as you are. If you feel he loves you and wants to be with you, so be it. You know better what your relationship is with him than anyone around here. Why were you complaining about him if you know he loves you and is "just growing up"?

 

 

I think im just going through all these feelings that everyday im feeling something different but the feelings im shown through all these posts have stuck through everything else i have felt. Im 'complaining' because i obviously dont even want this to happen just because i understand doesnt mean i WANT to go through this, im doing it because I have to in order for my ex to find what he wants

Maybe im stupid for putting his needs to the top as when i read back i know thats how it sounds but i dont feel like that what im doing i mean when i feel like this i feel im doing the right thing, when i try nc, ignoring him ect i think the worst and thats when everything goes wrong in my head. Maybe im putting off the proccess and eventually it will catch up with me.... who knows, no one know whats going to happen im just going with gut instinct and i have nothing else to go by.

 

Ive looked my situation in everyway i can, and dealing with it like this FEELS right, wether it is or not only time will tell. NC means getting over, im emotionally and mentally not ready for that, i don't feel like its our time, i dont feel like were over even though rationally i know that this has a good chance of being it, us over.

 

It probably is a case of me being in denial but i feel asif i know the situation im in, i know whats happened and where my ex stands with this whole thing ive spent the past 2 months thinking about this nonstop. Im taking a risk with this emotionally i know but i feel asif i have to do it. WEIRRRRRD i know ill have set backs, think why the f**k am i even doing this and ill probably be on here to contridict myself yet again.

[Kamille]

i don't feel like its our time, i dont feel like were over even though rationally i know that this has a good chance of being it, us over.

 

 

Does your ex know this is how you feel? Have you told him as much?

[Philosoraptor]

It feels right because it's the easiest as it allows you to continue to have hope. By removing contact you take it out of your hands and accept that there is nothing you can do here to make it better. Which is the truth, no amount of contact is going to make him change his mind.

[Sophia12345]

Does your ex know this is how you feel? Have you told him as much?

 

 

yes i have we both agreed and we both know we dont know whats going to happen, and just to let things be see what happens if we work out then great if not then thats life

[MissBrunette84]

It feels right because it's the easiest as it allows you to continue to have hope. By removing contact you take it out of your hands and accept that there is nothing you can do here to make it better. Which is the truth, no amount of contact is going to make him change his mind.

 

 

I agree with you.

[Sophia12345]

It feels right because it's the easiest as it allows you to continue to have hope. By removing contact you take it out of your hands and accept that there is nothing you can do here to make it better. Which is the truth, no amount of contact is going to make him change his mind.

 

 

Your completely right removing contact would be the best option but i feel i should just let it all play out, see what happens i KNOW nothing i do will change how he feels im doing it because i feel like its right. I actually think it would be easier to go NC and just get all this over and done with the quicker the better, yes it would hurt for a while but i would get better, but i just feel like that isnt what i should be doing. I dont know, its hard to explain when i know NC is the best thing just im going by gut rather than whats right

[MissBrunette84]

The thing is you might hinder your chances of getting him back by sticking around. Don't be too much of a door mat. I kind of have made that mistake and still ended up being left so it doesn't work.

[Sophia12345]

The thing is you might hinder your chances of getting him back by sticking around. Don't be too much of a door mat. I kind of have made that mistake and still ended up being left so it doesn't work.

 

 

im not going to be his doormat dont worry!

 

Im not gonna be running whenever he wants something, my life comes first now and thats out of his choice not mine. But ive learnt during this time to appreciate myself, the things i want to do and am now going to do. Ive thought about aspects of my life i never would have questioned untill this happened im improving my life i can feel it. Although i feel asif we will get back together i dont feel thats my aim (if that makes any sort of sense)

 

I do question wether what im doing is right or even healthy but were not over im sure of it. It probably is me living in denial only time will tell me whats going to come of this

[Svet74]

So if he calls texts you guys hang out etc then why are you guys not together exactly??? Trust me girl I went through what you are going through. My ex so called wanted me to support him but you know what it's not fair. Your only torturing yourself slowly before u realize your on your way to death. Do proper no contact to heal yourself. And let him figure out his own issues on his own! Without you. Now if you were together then yes your job would be to support him. Wow how stupid. Your not even giving him space to miss you. And no you leaving will not show him that you don't love him. You leaving will show him that you have respect for yourself. Ask him this question. If I left you and then asked you to still be there for me how would you feel? Good luck girl

[Sophia12345]

So if he calls texts you guys hang out etc then why are you guys not together exactly??? Trust me girl I went through what you are going through. My ex so called wanted me to support him but you know what it's not fair. Your only torturing yourself slowly before u realize your on your way to death. Do proper no contact to heal yourself. And let him figure out his own issues on his own! Without you. Now if you were together then yes your job would be to support him. Wow how stupid. Your not even giving him space to miss you. And no you leaving will not show him that you don't love him. You leaving will show him that you have respect for yourself. Ask him this question. If I left you and then asked you to still be there for me how would you feel? Good luck girl

 

 

were not together because its not as often as i should be, like seeing eachother every couple weeks and not getting in contact for like a week sometimes its me that contacts him, but more often than not hes the one to initiate

I do agree that i do need to give him time to miss me, and if im so sure about us then i should be fine in doing so. Thats something i need to think about and eventually take action on

[Chi townD]

When in a relationship, if the only feasable solution is to spend time APART rather than stick with it and work on the issues. Well....2+2 doesn't equal 6.

[Svet74]

It doesn't matter. Me and my ex were in touch once a week too! A year later and I still didn't get him back. Your taking your chances 50/50 you either will get back together or not. But whatever it's up to you. Our advice here is helpless cuz your still gonna do what you want. What's the point of even posting?

[Kamille]

Sophia is allowed to post, reflect on the advice, and reject it. This is the free world.

[Sophia12345]

It doesn't matter. Me and my ex were in touch once a week too! A year later and I still didn't get him back. Your taking your chances 50/50 you either will get back together or not. But whatever it's up to you. Our advice here is helpless cuz your still gonna do what you want. What's the point of even posting?

 

 

The point in posting is to get my feelings out and helping MYSELF.

Just because i post, looking for thoughts and opinions doesnt mean I need to go by what everyone else would do in the situation. Everyones thoughts and inputs go towards me making the best decision for myself and if i was to do what everyone on here thought id be doing things differently everyday as everyone has different thoughts.

 

If you feel asif im taking your comments and making them irrelvant then i apologise but im just trying to get a better sense of judgement and help MYSELF. Theres no point me sitting here agreeing with you if really im going to do something else i may aswell tell it how i feel it.

 

So the POINT IN POSTING is to help myself, no one asked you to question my way of dealing with my breakup just because im not doing it how you would.

[rAFC]

i KNOW he loves me more than anything...

 

Sorry, but I think he made it pretty clear that he loves his friends more than you. Obviously you are free to react to this news however you like. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear and even harder to accept, but healing is impossible if you choose to ignore reality.

[Svet74]

i KNOW he loves me more than anything...

Sorry, but I think he made it pretty clear that he loves his friends more than you. Obviously you are free to react to this news however you like. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear and even harder to accept, but healing is impossible if you choose to ignore reality.

 

Thank you!!!

[LasVegasGuy]

I 100% agree, Nc has never worked for me, if anything it made me hold on to the thought of the person that I once loved when in reality, the best thing that one could learn is that the person that you feel in love with no longer exist or has changed.

 

By having contact with all my ex gfs it allowed me to see 1. This won't work 2. The person that I feel in live with has changed 3. Allowed me to see some faults in my ex and take them off that pedestal.

 

I truly believe that limited contact with a ex is the best way to get over them in a timely matter, otherwise 1-2 years later you still have unresolved feelings.

[LasVegasGuy]

And btw I know how this works, I have been on loveshack since 2005 and I can tell you that, Nc might have temporary relief, but in the end we all are different.