DontWorryBHappy Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 There was a guy that I thought was just a fling that I was talking to a few months ago. We would meet up, watch movies, take walks, and slow dance (a lot), in addition to having sex. At the time I was getting over a breakup and he knew that, but my feelings were steadily growing for him. The whole time I thought he looked at me as just a fling. I didn't know that I meant anything to him at all. As I noticed my feelings developing I made myself block them out because I knew (or thought) I didn't mean anything to him. So one day, I decided to move. And I didn't think he would be that bothered by it, so I just casually told him I was leaving on the day before I left. He seemed surprised and went, "Say what??" but never said anything after that. From there, we didn't speak a word to each other for about 4 months. During this time I had decided that I'm going to move back to his area to finish school. Before that, I had wanted to contact him a few times, but had lost his number. But one day I was extra determined... scoured my call records and figured out his number, then sent a text. It was him, and we began talking. He didn't seem that enthused at first to talk with me. So I thought to myself, "Well I was just a fling... of course he's not gonna be enthused." But I decided, a night or so ago, to send a text telling him how my time with him had meant something to me. He responded later that evening, and then we really got to talking. In this conversation, I found out he had LIKED ME back then... I wasn't just a fling. And he found out that I had liked him. I was sad. He was sad. He has a girlfriend now... of about 2 and a half months. He thought he couldn't say anything to me about how he felt back then, and I thought he didn't feel anything for me. I feel sort of surreal, knowing now that he had liked me the whole time. It makes me more upset the more I think about it, because I feel that I missed out. I'm moving back to his area in a few days... He says we can still hang out sometimes when I get back. I feel like it's going to be weird and will be sad for me.... I don't know, this blows. It really does...
CarrieT Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 He says we can still hang out sometimes when I get back. I feel like it's going to be weird and will be sad for me.... I don't know, this blows. It really does... Don't do it. Just don't. He's got another girlfriend and it will only make it more complicated. You don't want to go there! Let me know that you are sorry you didn't communicate your growing feelings before and to contact you *IF* he becomes single again. But only then and only if...
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 (edited) He texted me a frown and said he "didn't know I had liked him, and thought I had forgotten about him" and was asking about whether I had gone out with any guys in the past few months. And he stayed up all night texting with me. Do you think he may like me still? I know that I won't cause any trouble for him and his relationship... I just couldn't do that, because I respect relationships too much for that. But my biggest obstacle right now is the emotions I'm dealing with right now. It's very strange for me, and upsetting, to know that he liked me when we were both single. And he even tried to contact me, just as I tried to contact him, but we BOTH got new phones and didn't have each other's numbers anymore. I just feel upset that I may have been with him right now if I had known that he had actual feelings for me.... then I would have felt comfortable sharing mine. What a mess... Edited May 7, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy
CarrieT Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 He texted me a frown and said he "didn't know I had liked him, and thought I had forgotten about him" and was asking about whether I had gone out with any guys in the past few months. And he stayed up all night texting with me. He is only staying up all night texting with you because you are responding to him; he is already setting up a deception with his girlfriend by communicating with you. You need to let him know that the communication is inappropriate and that it needs to stop IMMEDIATELY lest you all go down the slippery slope of re-awakening those feelings. What is done is done and you can't keeping beating yourself up for the fact that you didn't communicate well when you two were together. Learn that lesson and be more open with your feelings with the next guy. As long as you keep the lines of communication open with him, you are - in a sense - giving him permission to start a GIGS situation and a potential cheating scenario. Tell him to contact you only and when he is single. But not now.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Gah, well normally I am open about my feelings. In this case I just always thought he viewed me as a friend with benefits girl in his life. And in the beginning I was cool with that because when I first met him, I wasn't ready for a relationship. But once I had any actual feelings for him I just did my best to convince myself that it was stupid, and blocked them out, because never in a million years did I think he had any feelings for me. I mean I guess it's partly my fault, for even starting something with a guy when I was getting over a relationship. So I can see how he assumed that I never liked him as more than just a fling. And I can see why I assumed that he never liked me as more than just a fling So now, for the past couple days I've felt sad every time I think about it. Because if I had known that he had actual feelings for me, I would have felt so differently about the time I spent with him. And I would have told him how I felt, and maybe things would be very different right now. It's just hard for me to not feel bad when I think about it.
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