Saw her again last night - it was wierd

[tipsyleprachauns]

So I saw the ex again after church last night. Was stood around chatting to a few friends and a new girl, when the new girl who presumably knows the ex, hooked her as she was walking past to join the convo. Ex shook her head making no eye contact then walked off.

 

Shortly after she came back and said hi to everyone and said 'this is my ex boyfriend' and acted all awkward. She disappeared again. Then came back again when I was chatting with 1 friend in a small group. She came and got stuck in with convo but pretty much didn't look at me or acknowledge me at all even though there were only 3 of us there but she started to soften up. I was acting fine, cool, confident. To be honest, I felt it.

 

When other friend left I just said to her - you know how I feel, but I hope we don't have to pretend each other don't exist. Cue on her part a bit of a heart to heart with her being confused saying did I want to be friend or not, that it was hurting her - me being clear that I didn't. Her saying if we were going to be friends and say hi when we see each other, thats great, but if not then she'd ignore me. Saying she didn't hate me in the slightest - which is a big change from her calling me a stalker and bad mouthing me to friends 3 months back. Or is it 4 now? I've lost track. Her nearly crying saying she 'didn't need this right now' and it was hard her being in church with me when I'm such a big character and have made so many friends there. She said how ignoring me was her defense mechanism, that she dealt with things by avoiding them. I can't figure out whether that means she's still hurting over it a little? I was really nice about it all and explaining things and said whatever we felt, being in church was more important etc. At one point I said 'you were my best mate for a year an 8 months, you realize that I do at least wish I felt different about being friends? I miss you.' She replied saying she missed me too, presumably as a friend.

 

Awkward hug. Her dropping another joke about saying she would win and we'd be mates. Weird after I'd just said to her I didn't like that way of thinking from last time.

 

Then go upstairs to the bar to join everyone else. Big group of about 15 of us sat having a drink, I was opposite her, and along with our friends we were all laughing and joking and having a great time. I was being the bubbly confident character I always used to be, and I felt it, which was great. We had a few moments catching each others eye, she was a bit flirty a couple times, joking about old times or sharing a laugh. At one point, for some strange reason, she picked up my wallet which was and the table and had a look through it, laughing at my various photo ID cards and such. Cards she's seen a hundred times before. That was a little weird and random. :S For her I expect there was nothing in all of it, but for me it felt like - wow, how can two people still match so well after all this time and be so right for each other. Afterwards, a friend who saw us together for the first time said it was so obvious why we'd ended up together - we were so suited.

 

I hate how that's true and she can't see it.

 

Then for some reason on the way out of the bar, a little bit more minor flirting, joking and then she walks past me with her friend to head home and slaps me on the ass on the way past saying 'seee ya!'

 

 

What on earth just happened? Mixed signals much? Probably not - her just being friends. But definitely, 5 months in, still a massive connection between us.

 

Should I text her and ask if she wants to hang out sometime - no pretext, just see what happens. I feel like I could maybe cope with it the once.

 

I'm not hurting after all that, but it's left me a bit confused. To top if off I have a date tonight with the first girl I've met in 5 months I'd been remotely attracted to. I'm not looking for anything serious, I know I'm not ready, but this probably means I'll be thinking about the wrong girl during my date.

Edited May 7, 2012 by tipsyleprachauns

[tipsyleprachauns]

So, after that, I just got a text from her...

 

'Can we leave things just to church for now R. I can't really do the whole friends thing more than church at the mo. x'

 

Firstly, this is the first time she has messaged me anything purposeful in MONTHS. Secondly, is it just me, or given that 2 weeks ago she wanted to be mates and catch up, does it sound like now something is bothering her?

 

Again with the gut feeling, but something isn't right. Things aren't as they seem. Shut up gut.

[windmask]

ok firstly stop over thinking about this girl so much are you ever going to let her go man?

 

listen you sound honestly and sound like someone with a good heart she clearly is on a different freaken level.

 

i only see more hurt coming your way if you just keeping chasing her. if you guys were meant to be together you guys would be....maybe this is a sign....lots more girls in this world...i know that doesnt sound to appealing. but maybe she hasnt realized what shes lost in you or maybe you wont let her...

 

i say atleast try moving on and finding someone better or someone you connect with..its hard but you never know until you try...

[tipsyleprachauns]

I haven't been chasing her since late january now. At all.

 

But I whole heartedly agree I need to stop over thinking her. However we all know that's easier said than done.

 

She sent me another text along the lines of 'I just need a simple life right now. No complicated ex boyfriends. Work is a priority.'

 

I deleted it after a simple reply saying 'no one has ever called me complicated before but I get it. Hope work goes well.'

 

The best I can do right now is attempt not to overthink things and then just not act on them. I post here so that I can vent thought and feelings, and thus control my response in the 'real world' a bit better. It's just her 180 on being 'friends' in a matter of 12 hours that threw me. That said, she's proven herself to have no idea what she wants on many occasions now.

 

On the flip side - I had an amazing date last night with a very lovely girl. Conversation flowed, wine flowed, it was great fun!

[gibson]

tipsylepranchauns,

 

Per your request...

 

Your Ex painted you black after the break up which is normal (not saying it's right but a lot of them do it). However, it looks like cooler heads have prevailed and she is being "friendly". I can see why you think you are getting mixed signals.

 

This is just normal post break up interactions due to both of you attending the same church. I do not think it means anything. Just guilt, awkwardness and I don't believe she wants to be your friend either.

 

My advice, I wouldn't bring up the past or talk about the two of you. As far as being friends go, I wouldn't attempt it until your feelings for her have change.

 

Just be nice, friendly, etc. when you see her at church. I wouldn't go out of my way to seek her but I wouldn't avoid / not talk to her if you are in a setting where it is warranted.

 

Someone on here who works with their Ex might be able to explain it better or advise you on how to deal with church and the Ex.