xxgnxx Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 It's been three months since my ex and I broke up. How do I stop thinking about him? I got rid of his belongings at my apartment and I have kept myself extremely busy but it feels like nothing seems to work (4 classes, volunteer, work). The thought of him seems to always be in my head and I feel like I'm trapped into a world of memories.
jgs78 Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Well I am in the same boat as you, although I haven't been as active as you have and so that leaves me with more time to think about him. I was with my boyfriend for a long time which makes it even harder. I think reading the posts on this website are very helpful. Maybe it would also help to tell your story. Or if none of this works, maybe talking to a counsellor or something would help you through this? Talking to a 3rd party could really help. Are you religious in any way? I know it sounds like a cliche, but it could make you feel like you are not alone. Hang in there, things will get better, might not be tomorrow, but one day you will wake up and you won't cry anymore. One day you will wake up and you will be ok. I know I need to definitely take my own advice here! But it hasn't even been 2 months since my boyfriend broke up with me. I feel your pain, I REALLY DO. Just TRY and stay positive
sally1530 Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 its been 2 months since the breakup of my engagement, I am seeing another man now for 3 weeks, a christian man who has values. My best advice, start dating again, even if you dont want to , it will boost your self esteem and you will see that hes not the only man in the world that you can love. If he doesnt want your love , give it to someone else who can return it. Seriously, it worked for me... and l loved my ex-fiance with all my heart, but I had to come to face that we are not going to get back together and if we did I dont think we would be very happy very long, move on , life is so short, have fun , love and be free of your sadness and pain.
vhshowdown Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 i hear what all of you are saying. I have been without my EX since March. I thought we were getting back together cause we were talking and stuff. Then she invites me to dinner, which I had other plans, so I had to decline. Well I have only heard from her one time since then in 3 weeks, and I have it on voice mail. I want to listen to her message over and over, but I know I shouldnt. I had the urge to do it just now, that is why I am on here writing about it instead. I thought I was doing good, but I am falling back into the black hole, realizing now we will never be together again, and it really really hurts. But it is hard when you dont have any prospects lined up to go out with at the moment. All the night clubs get old sometimes too. And work really has me down right now too, so I cant turn there for relief. The memories are hard to handle also xxgnxx, as is the thought of my EX with someone else.......
jgs78 Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Is dating someone new really the best answer while you are trying to get over an ex? I have been told by a couple of people that that is what I should do too, but I am kind of wary of it. I don't want to be hurt again and I think about my ex so much that no guy could possibly live up to my expectations now. Sally1530, how did you meet the guy you are dating right now? It is so hard to picture an ex with someone else. I know exactly what you are saying vhshowdown.
estakado Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 The best way to beat this is just to ride the emotional rollercoaster and take advantage of every up and down. When you are happy, try and stay happy and when you are sad, then just breakdown and let it all out. Every day gets a little better. If you wanna date someone if they come around then its ok, just try make sure that you are ready mentally first. Keep giving yourself time.
Author xxgnxx Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 Thanks for the advice This site has helped me understand myself and what I am going through. Everything seems to easier said than done. I am not ready to jump onto the dating scene yet. I'm scared that if I do start dating too soon, that guy will just be a rebound and I'll have alot of emotional baggage. As for staying positive, it's hard to do that when everywhere I go and do, brings back memories of what happened here and there, what we would do at this moment.. etc.. I try to hang out with my friends as much as possible to prevent myself from thinking about him and I have found that to be helpful. It just sucks that when I'm alone I found mind wandering to his voice, to his face, and past memories. I have seen a counselor and that has helped me through this ordeal. She had given some insightful advice that I have taken to heart but it stll seems like it's not enough. I know that things will get better and time does heal wounds, but for me, time is too slow.
estakado Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Whats helped me is to make a list of what I need to do to straighten out my life such as cleaning, excercise and study....try and see if there is any projects or fun things that you need to do that are unfinished. It could be like simple stuff like re-arranging your CD's or house. Yeah you will face many reminders of your ex, such as movies, music and people on the street. Just keep facing that stuff head on and let all of your grief out. The most important thing is just to get a new routine in your life. Try and see if there is anything new and different that you can do. Yeah easier said than done, so please get your grief out first, do the no contact thing and take your time. You will be okay very very soon.
beautiful Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 you stop this behavior by finding out why you want to hang on to someone who doesen't want to be with you and you fix yourself! Remember; love does not hurt! 1
sally1530 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 jgs78: I met my new man on singleC.com , this is a christain singles dating website. I dont think im on rebound, im a strong person and know that ive been lied to and cheated on and abandoned by my exfiance- thats not love and well I need to move on with my life. I grieved for my own needs and did that for a month. Enough is enough, when you fall off the horse, get right back on! Dont worry or dwell...things happen for a reason, I didnt want to believe that at first, but now ive meet this wonderful person who has alot more than what my ex could give me. I never thought I could do better than my ex, well now I know its not true, you have to get out there and love again. You open up to people, love and well sometimes you get hurt, learn from your hurt and your past relationships and come out a better person and knowing what you should put up with and not. Dont let your ex have power over you. Your giving them exactly what they want... by being miserable without them. The best revenge is sucess and moving on with your life and being able to love again. Drop the baggage its not your fault, it takes two to make it work and if the other gives up or undecided about his or her feelings then let them go.... you deserve so much better! Dont settle for anything less.... there are so many wonderful people out there!!! Just be positive and positive things will start to happen for you! Hope this helps. Oh, try match.com.... go on a few dates... or chat with some people to get your self esteem up and then when you least expect it .... mr. or mrs. wonderful will just walk into your life... just be patient.
jgs78 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Sally, Thanks so much for your words of support. I can tell you are a wonderful caring person even though I don't know you. I will look into that singlec.com network. I have started to go back to church for the past couple of months. I am looking for someone who is going to accept me for who I am and treat me the way I need to be treated. I have been wary of match.com because I have seen friends try it out and not have too much success. I know, different strokes for different folks. Right now I just feel an enormous amount of pain. You know, I was ok up until about a couple of weeks ago. I don't know why, but I guess the reality of it all just hit me. That combined with being unemployed and not being able to meet new people because I am looking for jobs all day is really getting to me. I have been getting out going to the gym, just going to get a coffee. But it's really lonely here in NY. How did you get back on the bandwagon? Was is the dating, did you find new things you were interested in? I hate to say it, I have lost interest in the things I once loved. I know the worst thing I can do is let him get the better of me and wallow in misery. I guess I am just going through the grieving period. I don't know. I can't explain it. Thank you for your help.
sally1530 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 you might need medication to get you through the tough period and therapy. I have have listen to modivational tapes in my car, taken up new sports, kept really busy and tryed to look at the brighter side. I know this guy was not for me, if so we would have gotten married. So as one door closes another one opens. Keep your chin up and do go out on some dates. Dont talk about the ex. Just talk about yourself and your interests! good luck, you can do it . Keep me posted!
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