Arabellad25 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 (edited) Hi everyone, just here looking for a little advice.* I'm a 25 year old female and will totally admit I've caused a bit of a kaffufle in our office and will explain the predicament I've got myself in hoping for some advice,, *I've been working in a really tight team of 10 for 2.5 years.. Even though Majority are males We all get on really well and often go drinking together. Obviously there are some people that get on acceptionally well and there's one guy (rick) *I get on with particularly well *but I never saw it as anything other than buddies as no 1) he has a gf and no 2) I could never think of someone romantically that I was friends with. There's another guy in the office (jack) that's pretty quiet, and somehow sly.. He doesn't boast about anything but has gained a reputation as a bit of a womaniser through dating clients and a few girls at the same time.. Anyway, I didn't dislike him but thought he was a bit of a creep / didn't really connect. At Christmas we had a drunk kiss once or twice.. Didn't think anything of it other than silly drunkness... However, a colleague must have seen and started some rumours..which then a month down the line ended in our boss confronting us as though we were having a full on affair, which of course we both denied... Awkward!!*So this was all 5 months ago and has been forgotten about gladly. **I recently handed my notice in at work to go abroad.. The night I took my colleagues out and told them rick was pretty upset as he is a good friend, we all had way too many drinks and I ended telling rick I loved him in a friendly way.. It was not like I was confessing undying love... however as we had even more drinks I ended up kissing rick and he told me he loved me... Big mistake.. The next day he was trying to arrange meetings with me / asking to talk to me & I managed to brush it off and after a couple of days I apologised and explained I was just being a drunken fool.. However, he told me that he wasn't,, that was the end of that conversation.. And although it was awkward we were still able to be friends and he was fine with me. ( nice considering what had happened ) - all was good for the next few weeks My last week.. On the Monday evening we had a big night out with clients to say good bye.. Everyone was in good spirits & at the end of the evening it was myself and jack. ( the quiet guy ) I know this is reticules but things got a bit hot and we slept together... Resulting in some marking (scratches) on his neck which were clearly from a sexual encounter and not hideable with a shirt. 0h dear. this was the first of quite a few evenings spent with jack last week. Next day at the office rick couldn't look at me / let alone speak to me... And this continued for a number of days.. Awkwardly most people in the office picked up on this and said nothing at all to either of us.. Knowing that Rick is upset. Incredibly awkward. He announced he wasn't able to come to my leaving drinks on Friday & booked the next week off work. My boss threw a spanner in the works on the day before my last.. He asked me to stay - for at least a month.. Didn't give a real reason.. Just said he didn't want me to leave, but I should only stay if I wanted to.. Incredibly bizaar as if someone resigns he always claims he would never take them back, & is superly good at emphasising that no one is irreplaceable. Anyway, I love everyone I work with & understood so decided to stay a while longer... Obviously that announcement was a total shock to everyone.. Especially rick & jack. Despite everything rick came for 2/3 drinks the next evening at my " staying drinks " and was overly friendly / flirting / almost trying to Wynd jack up... It was so obvious after his week of being upset / ignoring.* After he had left & a few more drinks had been had a few things were mentioned by colleagues.. One girl thought I was staying because of rick,,,, another really observant close friend from the office said - we all know ricks in love with you & realised this week was his last chance.. He's been really down & the atmosphere in the office s awful" The Friday I spent with jack who I do really like although I know it would never be serious.. we chatted about it a lot & he feels it's more that Lee is upset from a competitive point f view..* So to summarise.. I like jack although it's nothing serious.. Rick is in love *with me but has a gf... And now I have to spend more time with them all.. It's always obvious in an office if 2 people are sleeping together & that didn't matter before as I was leaving,, now it's goi g to be crazy!! So who is in the wrong here??!* I feel I've been a bitch to rick I feel jack is being a knob head to rick as they were mates / colleagues But I also feel rick can't act so rediculess as he has a gf.* Hmmm.. What shall I do / say to sort this mess?! Help???! Edited May 7, 2012 by Arabellad25 Name
Imajerk17 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Well, a few thoughts. (1) You, Rick, and Jack are all adults. As upset as Rick might be with what happened between you and Jack, that is his problem, not yours. (Who is Lee? Are Lee and Rick the same person?) (2) Hopefully Jack is a good guy, because ending a work affair on such a close-knit team is going to be hard to do. I'm not a huge fan of going drinking with coworkers for one such reason. It's all too easy for something to happen. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Attention whoring much? Who cares! you're leaving overseas anyway, one guy isn't going to care and the other guy has a gf..what's to figure out? Sorry this is just a bunch of BS, everyone know their screwing around and It's all just a bunch of games, no real advice worth investing here.
Comfortably Numb Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Coincidentally a triangle has three points, and so you made three threads posting the same question. So here's a tootsie pop 2
SmileFace Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I'm sorry but if ninja can't find a way to give someone advice I don't think no one can. ( no offense ninja -- the replies I have read by you have been really insightful) 3
FitChick Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Because OP slept with Rick and Jack, I think the reason her boss asked her to stay is because he wants some, too, before she leaves. 4
coltsfan1 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Lesson to be learned- Don't dip your pin in the company ink. But if you want my honest opinion you slept with them because A) you wanted too, B) you enjoyed the attention, C) you figured you would leave and not have to have your reputation suffer. I don't blame you since your single and why not. But its wrong to slept with someones BF/GF, and it the other guy was so creepy you wouldn't have given him a chance. You knew his reputation and wondered what the talk was all about. You have no one to blame but yourself. Just my humble opinion.
dasein Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 No specific advice, OP, you sound like you have everything under control and are handling everything just fine. BTW, what country are you going to so I can call and alert the consulate and INTERPOL?
Professor X Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I say you ought to sleep with all the other members of the office, just to balance things out. Also, they probably felt left out, and that, in all likelihood, causes them to have lower work output. Really bad. Do the right thing, sleep with them all.
ascendotum Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I feel I've been a bitch to rick I think you have as well, though you don't owe him anything, just because he fancies you. The bit I consider you should not have done is sleep with Jack after telling Rick you loved him. Even if you were a bit drunk, for a guy that has a crush on you to hear those words would mean a lot, but then he's had the carpet yanked out from under him, likely when Jack showed the others in the office the scratches on his back. I feel jack is being a knob head to rick as they were mates / colleagues Yeah well, you did say he was sly and a bit of a creep, but the womanising creep got another notch on his bedpost. But I also feel rick can't act so rediculess as he has a gf.* Correct. You should bring up the gf in any conversations you have with him, to emphasise that he is not available. He really should not be kissing you and confessing how he loves you, though you have obviously captured his heart more than his current gf has. Hmmm.. What shall I do / say to sort this mess?! Help???! Well its too bad if Rick is down in the dumps, he can console himself with his gf. Maybe start to mention how you met this new guy (not anyone at work) or have got back with your ex for fling, and you are going out out with him till you leave for OS. What about just riding it out for the next month, be friendly but not too friendly to both the guys, and don't hang around with them for any after work drinks.
Recommended Posts