1st Break up...:-(

[360waves]

Hey I've been trolling these forums a little bit and just reading some break up stories and decided its time for me to post mine as it will probably make me feel better about my situation with some feedback from you guys.

 

Well I was very popular in high school I guess I'm considered a "pretty-boy" I keep my self well groomed and I dress nice as I been told. So I really don't or did have a hard time attracting females as they would usually come up to me, what little people know about me is that I'm a real shy guy. Everyone thinks I'm a player lol and I just have sex with a bunch of girls but that is not the case, in reality I'm the sweetest,funniest,little shy down to earth guy. Well I tried to avoid relationships in high school because I didn't want the drama and also like i stated I'm a little shy and just more to myself. So even with all the girls wanting to be my girlfriend i just avoided it. So there was this one girl she was a little Tom boyish not my type at all really skinny(you know at that age your shallow as can be) it was all about the girl with prettiest hair and best body that's all you would talk to your friends about lol.

 

Well me and her got real close I saw her as my little sister as she was into video games and stuff like that which I thought was cool as those are my same hobbies. To try and make a long story short we started texting like everyday but she was still like a little sister me but after awhile I could sense she had feelings for me and wanted to go to the next level. Well I was a virgin at the time(17-18yrs old) which nobody even knew about and I was really just waiting for the one don't matter what the age may be when I found it. She was 2 years younger than me but had sex with one guy like twice but with a condom so I kinda appreciated that and still saw her as pure and was comfortable with her sexual history.

 

She would always ask me to be her boyfriend but I would always deny her because I didn't want to be in relationship and I wasn't really attracted to her. She was very persistent and I'm a nice guy so I couldn't bare to see her sad like that so I said yes. One day she came over and initiated sex and there I lost my virginity It was crazy never felt that feeling before. Now are relationship grew but had issues. I didn't come in the relationship %100 committed.

 

Her dad was really financially stable so she would spoil me with clothes,gifts and money. I'm not the kind of person that can be bought so I didn't really care for them but I accepted them, she was head over heels in love with me but I still had doubts about my attraction and love for her. Also I was very immature so I would play emotional games and just make her feel down for no reason. I treated her so bad :-(.I was very selfish and didnt have too much money and she was the kind of girl that wants to be spoiled and taken care of she probably deserves it.Our sexual connection was crazy especially being young and it basically was our first special sexual relationship, she would spoil me with oral sex all the time and I was the first guy she did it to I felt special about that.

 

Now 6 years later...we been through everything I treated her bad all the time had fights and I just was such a horrible boyfriend. I had to be the worst boyfriend in world seriously.she was so sweet,caring and innocent my only problem with her was she was a little spoiled also so I used that as an excuse to not like her but she just wanted to be loved. I can honestly say I didn't know how to treat a female or even care for anyone I grew up a kinda spoiled only child so it was my way or the highway. I use to ignore her text and not even call or text her first, just use to play stupid emotional games I really don't know why.

 

I found out she was talking to this guy behind my back for a year! I had no idea because I trusted her so much and she was a real home body so I didn't have to worry about partying with her. The way I found out was she had sex with guy 10 times for a straight week behind my back he lives down south so I guess he came to visit her. My heart shattered in pieces when she told me that, from there on it went downhill she just started falling for this guy told me he treated her way better and is over me. I cried like no other for the first time In my life it hurt like hell.

 

I begged for her to come back, I tried everything in the book. I forgived her for cheating on me because I felt like it was all my fault for pushing her away and treating her bad. Then one day we had a terrible fight and all the hurt came back and like dummy I posted naked pics of her, at that time I don't know what I was thinking my emotions just took over I never had those feelings before. After that I knew it was over but I felt so bad I wrote an apology letter and about 2 months later I broke down went to her job to ask for forgiveness. She said maybe she could forgive me one day but not now. She said I need to move on things will never be the same because she has moved on and is in a long distant"relationship" with the guy she cheated on me with :-(. She says she doesn't want a relationship but I know she will end with this guy because she is the type to always need a companion.

 

She has the biggest heart ever to even talk to me after that, I feel so terrible and I regret everything I ever done to her. When I look back it's like what the hell was I thinking? How could someone treat a human being like that? When I go back and read our convos from 2 years ago I feel disgusted with myself I was such a jerk. It's not until she cheated on me that I woke up and started treating her so good. I realized i took her for granted, If I could start over now I would give her the whole world, I feel like a new person I feel like I'm sooooo much a better lover now and I would make her so happy. I didn't know what I wanted back then and I was also scared to say I loved her or even show it. I didn't want to get hurt but i ended getting hurt the worse way anyway.

 

What do you guys think? Do I feel bad because I treated her so bad? Did I truly love her? Or am I just missing her presence and sexual connection? I know I care for her and want to be in her life. It's been 2 months since I last spoke to her In person, I decided to just leave her alone because I had no choice, I do check her twitter sometimes and when I see her flirting with her new guy my heart drops. I can say I feel better now that sometime has passed.I feel lonely But sometimes I can't help but think what it could of been and what a good girl I lost :-(. I never thought i would end up with a girl like that but i grew to care about her. Now she is more girly and pretty and alot more sexual, i know its because me :-(. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated thanks guys.

[360waves]

Sorry for the long post. I also feel if she never hurt me or the relationship didnt end I wouldn't have changed...I know I'm a better person now I learned so much and what love is.