Reason for breaking up?

[Pod81]

I've been dating this girl for about a year and a half. She's 23 and I'm 30. This is her first real relationship as she's told me that she has a fear of committing. I've decided to take the jump anyway.

 

So, the first 14 months of the relationship has been absolutely wonderful and neither of us are that needy. She's in a very rigorous graduate school program and I'm working about 50 miles from where she lives, so we only get to see each other on the weekends. Additionally, we would chat or text once a day or every other day.

 

I've treated her extremely well (remember things she said she wants and buys them for her months later, took her on a trip, surprised her at work for lunch, went to church with her although my faith isn't as strong as hers, etc). The last couple of months, I've noticed she's been very distant. Facebook chats were a rare occasion and when they did happen, it wasn't for as long as they used to be. Texts were also much less frequent - about once every 3 or 4 days. This does seem to coincide with her "hell exam" weeks, but I feel as though contact wasn't as frequent as the previous times she's had exams.

 

There were a couple things I did in this relationship that I admittedly shouldn't have done. For one, I confessed that I did find her online blog in which mentioned a lot of sweet things about me (which was she upset about). Secondly, I did tell her that I did see her as potential marriage material in a couple years down the line. Because of her age, the fact that's still in school, and her fear of commitment, I'm sure this put a lot of unnecessary pressure on her. So anyway, both events coincided with when she started acting distant.

 

Last week, things started to look up a little bit (I went to her school formal with her and she texted me to say hello during her studies and the fact that she wanted to "jump my bone"). We also planned to meet up in a few days for lunch. So, that day finally came and she never contacted me. When I finally confronted her, she said she forgot and that she would go back to her studying being that it is her finals week. I was extremely upset since the least she could have done is try to make it up to me. Secondly, what significant other forgets about plans to hang out - especially when the relationship is semi-long distance and I see her once a week at most? So I ended that phone call by saying "Don't talk to me until after your final exams."

 

So after 4 days of NC, she texts an apology, to which I responded that I'm not sure where I see this relationship going given that 1) she's been less than appreciative by forgetting the lunch plan and 2) we're contacting each other less often than we used to. We talked the next night over the phone to discuss our relationship and I let her know I wasn't happy with being unappreciated and taken for granted. She seemed to timidly agree with everything I said, and she gives me that classic line "I don't know what I want" and that she doesn't want to "waste my time". I decided to break up with her then and there because there's no point in having a relationship if she feels that way. Obviously, she either has no desire to salvage our relationship which I found to be extremely cold-hearted or she just froze up and didn't know what to say.

 

So my questions to you guys are...

 

1) Is there another guy in the picture that she's not talking about? It is a possibility she may have found someone in church since she has told me on numerous occasions that she wants me to be "more Christian." I personally never found any clues to back this up though.

 

2) Is she just the immature type given her lack of dating history that just wants the companionship of a relationship without the relationship responsibilities?

 

3) Is this worth salvaging if say....months down the line she realizes what she wants and becomes more sensitive?

 

Thanks in advance!

Edited May 6, 2012 by Pod81

[Philosoraptor]

1) Maybe. It's much easier to be in a relationship when the person you are with is in the area.

 

2) Sure, she needs to grow and explore herself before she can truly give herself to another.

 

3) You should work on salvaging yourself. It's clear that the two of you had different expectations for the relationship and that you need to find someone more on your level.