joemax Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I'll try to make a long story short. In 2007 I started dating a girl named Kayla. We were on and off for 3 years+, finally breaking up because she had kissed someone one night when she was really drunk and also because she had left to go to Europe for work. We still kept talking/sleeping together etc, which was probably not the best thing to do in hindsight. I've always cared for this girl and I don't know if that'll ever go away, if it hasn't yet. Last time we saw each other was in November. And in January of this year I started seeing another girl named Lisa. Fairly new relationship so no real history there, but I also care deeply for this girl. I'm having so much trouble 'choosing' who to be with, since I'm pretty crazy about both of them. I don't even know if this post makes sense, I'm just looking for some direction. I'm almost 24 btw. I'll try to put each girl with a pros/cons list I guess? I am so confused. Kayla pros: -lot of history -same sense of humor -I'm the only guy she's ever been with -like her family much more -on my mind a LOT Kayla cons: -she kissed someone else while we were together -don't know if I'd ever be able to trust her again Lisa pros: -very fun girl, always up to do something -great sex -is very dedicated to relationship Lisa cons: -only 20 (is that a con?) -I'm not too comfortable with her sexual past (6 partners before me, lost virginity at age 14) -she smokes up weekly, I'm not too comfortable with that -family is nuts, but whatever Thanks if you've read this far, any help?
chimneychamp Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I'll try to make a long story short. In 2007 I started dating a girl named Kayla. We were on and off for 3 years+, finally breaking up because she had kissed someone one night when she was really drunk and also because she had left to go to Europe for work. We still kept talking/sleeping together etc, which was probably not the best thing to do in hindsight. I've always cared for this girl and I don't know if that'll ever go away, if it hasn't yet. Last time we saw each other was in November. And in January of this year I started seeing another girl named Lisa. Fairly new relationship so no real history there, but I also care deeply for this girl. I'm having so much trouble 'choosing' who to be with, since I'm pretty crazy about both of them. I don't even know if this post makes sense, I'm just looking for some direction. I'm almost 24 btw. I'll try to put each girl with a pros/cons list I guess? I am so confused. Kayla pros: -lot of history -same sense of humor -I'm the only guy she's ever been with -like her family much more -on my mind a LOT Kayla cons: -she kissed someone else while we were together -don't know if I'd ever be able to trust her again Lisa pros: -very fun girl, always up to do something -great sex -is very dedicated to relationship Lisa cons: -only 20 (is that a con?) -I'm not too comfortable with her sexual past (6 partners before me, lost virginity at age 14) -she smokes up weekly, I'm not too comfortable with that -family is nuts, but whatever Thanks if you've read this far, any help? She kissed a guy once while really drunk, and then confessed it to you? Big deal. Take her back.
The Humbler Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 A "pros/cons" list? Seriously? Lol... I suggest you keep boning both of them because you obviously don't love either. If you did you wouldn't need to be making lists of their attributes like some kind of cold, calculating, emotionless, lizard.
Author joemax Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 She kissed a guy once while really drunk, and then confessed it to you? Big deal. Take her back. With complete disregard for the girl I'm seeing now?
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 You're basically headed down a one way track to a train wreck. You can't just compare two women side by side like they're pairs of jeans, you've got to get yourself out of this situation before you create a triangle. You're playing with fire and setting yourself up to cheating with your ex on this new girl, which she doesn't deserve regardless of what you think of her past and how you judge her worthiness of an investment for the sake of a relationship. It's just not the right mentality and the more you look at things this way the more confused you're going to be...you're going to redevelop/rekindle more emotions for your ex, yet resent her for betraying your trust and you're going to use this new girl as a pawn and supplement for the emotional void and pain you feel over the past with your ex, completely disregarding her as a person and simply seeing her as an option. In this situation to truly do the right thing for yourself and these women (if the old one is really even a factor in terms of a possibility to a future relationship..which you'll find out) you should end your current relationship and resolve the issues you have with your ex and this emotion you can't get over with her. The vast majority of people hold onto to emotions in their past with a particular person(s) and then continue to put a wall up for anyone new coming into their lives, this is as common as common can be...you're not in some super unique individual journey in life, this happens to most people pretty much all of the time. You current gf doesn't deserve to be placed in a situation like this and overlooked because you're tired up with your ex, and you can't expect her to take over where your ex left off and fulfill a role you're not even giving her a chance to. And you can't just use her up for because she gives you great sex and what you need most of the of the time, and saying you care about her is really just an excuse so you don't feel like a bad guy for doing this, it gives you validation for holding onto her tight, but IF you really loved this new girl you wouldn't put her through this and you wouldn't be hung up with your ex. So If you want to be the real man in this situation, then let them both go so to speak, resolve your issues from a neutral position with your ex, get over your emotions and get through them, realize that things aren't to change and you probably don't belong with your ex regardless of the time you spent with her and feelings you had for her...because let's face If you really even truly loved her you wouldn't have let her go in the past either...you know this, I know this, sure you were badly hurt but even though those emotions are strong and you do care/love that person you wouldn't have just walked away...and you know what, she probably wouldn't have either, and prob wouldn't have cheated on you...but you both went through young love and you're both still hooked on it and unable to see the deeper depths of what love really is because you don't know any better (imo). But you might think I'm wrong though right? how could I possibly know and understand what you guys had together and felt right? well then If you both feel that strongly about it then the decision is pretty simple and you don't really belong with your current GF do you? At least put your money where your mouth is and make a decision, instead of string these two situations along until the ***** hits the fan...which it will. At the end of the day you'll more than very likely find out you don't belong with either of these women...you were sucked into your ex because she was your first real love and you had a lot of experience and time together, and this new girl you weren't all that crazy about even though she was a good lay and you enjoyed her time and company...but at the end of the day you shouldn't have ended up with either, because you'll find something deeper than that with someone else in the future and realize that. So what should you do? you should be single, date..keep it light and stay out of relationships until you deal with your own personal issues, and the next time you do get into a relationship make sure you're giving that person a clean slate and you're ready to move forward and actually invest yourself, otherwise you're just wasting everybody's time, and you'll find you don't need to jump into a relationship with every girl you like. 1
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