Urgent!

[lovinglife21]

Hey guys,

 

I am so angry with my ex-boyfriend today.

 

We broke up a few weeks ago and he has been a complete dick ever since.

 

Everything was fine and then one day he turned around and said he doesn't love me anymore.This was complete bs. He has never been able to make decisions for himself and his Mum is a psycho-bitch who basically convinced him to break up with me, when two weeks before he was willing to stop talking to his mum because of the things she was saying about me.

 

I realize that if he can be convinced that easily I shouldn't be with him, i mean what is the point?

 

The thing that is really doing my head in is just the way he is treating me, like I have done something horrible to him. I haven't, I did nothing but love him.

 

He has been so cruel that I have been concerned about something he told me. He was arrested for rape 2 summer's ago, and was not charged due to lack of evidence, he claims innocence. There have also been other instances of sexual deviance, that he has admitted to.

 

Before we started going out he treated me like ****, like how he is treating me now (don't ask why i started going out with him, I can only assume low self-esteem). We were casually sleeping together and then he got all weird about it and started just being vicious. Then we had a major falling out, and he gets a new girlfriend and then has sex with this other girl, that accuses him of rape. That person I knew back then, and this is how I always thought, would have been capable of that.

 

Now I am seriously worried he actually did it, and now that he's treating me the same I'm worried he might do it again.

 

A few days ago I told him about my concerns and we decided to work on talking to each other normally so I could see the person I fell in love with was still there. Last night I suggested we meet up to talk about this and low and behold today he wants nothing to do with me. I also stupidly thought maybe he had just put his defenses up, and was starting to change his mind.

 

His inability to make decisions has plagued our relationship, and I never really knew where I stood with him, I also found out accidentally about this rape thing and found out he was cyber-sexing people when we were going out. He was never honest, I literally stumbled upon these things, Both of which we worked on. Furthermore (this is gross) he has genital warts, which I don't have so I think he probably cheated on me.

 

His personality switch is so worrying, and the hostility and resentment in his voice makes me feel like I have done something truly evil to be treated like this.

 

I've started to accept there is no hope for us getting back together. He ruined so much, we were supposed to move in together, and he broke up with me 3 weeks before my finals for uni and 2 weeks after a family member died. Because of this my family will never forgive him, and especially because of the way he has treated me since. I thought maybe we could have worked on things and it wasn't all lost, but i was kidding myself because he's just too easily influenced by other people, and now that my family hate him there really is no hope.

 

It's so hard to accept though, because just a few weeks ago everything was fine and we had no major problems. We got on so well and there was so much love, and I still don't understand how someone can just seemingly flip a switch.

 

Its so awkward as well because I have to see him at exams and graduation.

 

Guys what I am asking, is should I talk to someone about my concerns about the sexual deviance? I used to see a therapist a long time ago and she suggested I stay the hell away from him because he sounded psychotic.

 

I also found out that he is trying to become a pick-up artist, which is worrying me even more.

 

We were going out for 14 months and were basically living together.

 

Advice and support much needed. xx

[seaside_shells]

i only read parts of this, but i'd leave him. move on

[lovinglife21]

Thanks Shells, Yeah I think I have to.

 

I thought I'd grieved for him already, but because of my mistake of letting him back in I have to do that again. But in a weird way my anger helps me.

 

xx

[BewitchedandBothered]

He sounds mentally ill. You need to stay away and heal.

[TaraMaiden]

I was going to say the same.... he seriously sounds as if he has mental problems - you even call his mum a psycho bitch, so no prizes for guessing that this might actually be the case.

 

Distance yourself from him.

He is unsafe, imbalanced and potentially quite dangerous by the sound of it.

You dodged a bullet - and how.

 

Make yourself unavailable, uncontactable and unapproachable by him.

but if he starts with weird stalking behaviour, keep pictures, keep messages keep records - and get an order against him.

[lovinglife21]

Thanks Guys!

 

Its so nice to know that I'm not the only one that think that this is all rather odd. Its funny how you can ignore all these things when you're with someone and you believe that they love you. I really thought he was stable, it's hard to think that the reality is that he is not. My family and friends have also told me to stay away. It's so difficult though because all I want is to believe that the person I fell in love with is somewhere, if only I can find him. But I realize it's time to let it all go now.

 

I realized earlier that I'm worth so much more than this, and if he can turn on someone so close to him, and be so cruel, there really is no hope for him, and I feel sorry for him now.

 

I feel like such an idiot though because the warning signs were there before we started going out. But I guess I have to live and learn.

 

I'm not going to go anywhere near him. In fact I may ask my Mum to keep hold of my phone to stop the temptation.

[TaraMaiden]

"Live and learn" is right.

Listen to the still small voice.

It's usually bang on......