Funguy88 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 So I've been dating this guy for a few months now, and I've been really unhappy with the relationship. I like him a lot, and I'd like to continue dating him, but the relationship the way it is now makes me miserable and has negatively impacted other parts of my life. We're both in college, and when we first started dating, we had a good amount of time for each other. As the semester progressed, we both got busier. However, while I was willing to juggle my schedule in order to accommodate him, it felt like he was never willing to reciprocate (e.g., if he knew he'd have an assignment due next weekend and we had plans, he wouldn't go out of his way to finish the assignment ahead of time to keep the plans; if things worked out, great, but if not, that was that and he'd just cancel). He also has a habit of making plans, and either breaking them the day of or blowing me off most of the night because he got busy with something else. This particularly annoyed me because I would often break plans I had with other people in order to see him. It feels like I was willing to invest a lot in our relationship, but that doing the same wasn't really important to him. Towards the end of the semester, I brought up with him that I wasn't happy with us and that I felt pretty ignored most of the time. He felt like I was being unreasonable and that things would get better after the semester ended. I asked him to come over that Friday, and he told me he couldn't because he was going to a party with his friends (which he had not actually invited me to). I was annoyed, but didn't say much. We make plans instead for dinner Saturday evening. Saturday afternoon, he texts me to let me know he's going to a movie with his friend and asks if we can push dinner by an hour. I'm angry, but I say fine. The time for our date comes and goes without a word from him, and no response to my calls/texts. A little after midnight, he texts me to let me know that his phone died at the movie and they went out to eat afterwards. He maintains that he wants to stay in this relationship, and when I finally brought up that I was angry, he apologized and said he didn't realize or whatever and that there were reasons for all of these things. It never even occurred to me that he couldn't see why I'd be pissed. Since then, we've spent little time together, and the time we do spend together isn't intimate or quality. He's out of town right now, and he's made minimal efforts to communicate with me. Whenever I bring up that I'm angry, he has trouble understanding (or I have trouble communicating) that it's a totality of events, not one particular incident. He requests examples, and then assumes that it's just that example and that I'm being unreasonable because there was a reason that one time. I'm to the point though where I don't care if there's a reason. I can forgive individual things, but when it happens all the time, I'm tired of being emotionally crushed. I'm drained and exhausted and don't know if I want to keep going. If I knew things would turn around, I'd stay, because I do adore him. But as it is, I just want to be out of this. I want to make him understand how close I am to this, but I'm worried that if I do, we'll break up. And what I want is more, not less of him. But right now, he thinks we're completely fine (even though I've told him we're not). Any advice :/?
darkmoon Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 where does he see you both in five years time? still not listening to you? he sounds selfish, or it's possible that you are not explaining everthing to him in ways that he understands he has a behaviour pattern that is causing all this - he has one fault then "He requests examples, and then assumes that it's just that example and that I'm being unreasonable because there was a reason that one time" he must be told of all examples, i don't see many men obeying women, but you must both be in a place that gives you all the time it takes to explain uninterrupted about how he behaves "please let me finish what I am saying" is what to say if you are not getting your point/s across, you explain the one example that he can deflect and it must be that he listens to all you say instead
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Sadly, his actions and words don't match. He also seems to be playing dumb to keep this "relationship" going while having other priorities and most likely other options. He is also a liar (I am sorry but "my phone died in the movies" is as ridiculous as it gets). To sum it up, he doesn't seem into you all that much and is taking you for granted.
SarahRose Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 i think you are pretty much wasting your time with this guy. he is the cowardly type who will never end it himself. i bet his friend for dinner and movies is another girl
Author Funguy88 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 i think you are pretty much wasting your time with this guy. he is the cowardly type who will never end it himself. i bet his friend for dinner and movies is another girl If he's with a girl, I'm not too worried.
SarahRose Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 If he's with a girl, I'm not too worried. ok i see you name is funguy and you are dating a guy. ok. he is very likely with another boy especially if you 2 are younger.
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