Lou123 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I'm re-posting in this forum because I hope to have a better chance at getting a response. I have been with my bf for over 3 years and we have had a rocky sex life since the beginning. We get along great in every other aspect of our relationship. The main problem is that he can only get off if he's rough with me. For the most part I'm ok with it and am a willing participant. He wants to be more "normal" in bed and when we try he loses his erection. This is from many years of casual relationships that were just about sex. He can't make love. He can only f---. Sometimes we dont have sex at all for long periods because we are both so frustrated by this on top of everyday life and stress that causes most couples to slow their sex lives. Now we're at a crossroad. He says he doesn't want to hurt me and that he cant seem to get off without roughness. I say if that's what he's into then it's ok. We can do that most of the time and be intimate other times. Now I don't know if we're just better off being friends because that is how we kind of act anyway or if there is still hope.
darkmoon Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 he needs therapy who might sort this out, not sure how a man goes without sex for a long period of time like yours, but he ought to stop letching and be less selfish in bed, a bit of rough sex for him and bit of fluffy sex for you, and not just his roughness there are two of you in bed, and he's not meeting your needs
Author Lou123 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 You are right about therapy and tonight when we were finally honest with each other about this white elephant he said that he probably should talk to somone about it. He does try to do the fluffy stuff but sometimes it just doesn't work. Sometimes it does. My question is if I should try to work this out with him or let it go. I sense he is so distraught over it that he is letting go. I think that is unfair
darkmoon Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 ask a sex therapist, you want to discuss your desired outcome with them, see if they are worth hiring, and try it 1
jphcbpa Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 He needs to see a sex therapist about this. Was he abused as a child?
newmoon Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 this isn't a major problem if you like/love him and want to be with him. as you said, there are a lot of ways to be affectionate and intimate while trying to figure out ways to make the sex more enjoyable for you both. the fact that he realizes his issue(s) and is trying not to hurt you sexually is wonderful and shows that he really cares for you. but you're not going to be able to counsel him yourself, so perhaps suggest he talk to someone. it doesn't have to be a 'sex therapist' but just a social worker/psychologist through a psych. dept. or something so that he can start to discover the root of his problem. but don't give in to him sexually too much, you know? by pleasing him too much with 'rough ways' you'll ultimately be hurting yourself if that isn't what you truly like.
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