Both still have the look of love to each other

[MarkV]

Hi, yesterday was my sisters wedding and my ex girlfriend of six years did the make up for all the girls. I didnt see her in the morning but in the afternoon she came to the venue to do the make up touch ups for the evening. I accidently bumped into her as I was walking through the reception and we both looked so shocked to see each other. We have now been apart for 4 months. The reason she left was because she felt like I didnt want all the bigger future things with her. I convinced her of everything I wanted with her saying that I wanted to take her to Africa to propose, id actually bought a ring and was looking at house prices etc. But she still left me and moved out. She is now living with an old work colleague and has not looked 100% happy and seems confused about everything. I have left her alone. Since then I know she has been on a couple of dates through a mutual friend but she told her that no one compares to me and that she has a long way to go. Iv also been on a date but feel the same as she does. When we saw each other at the wedding she asked about my africa trip which I booked for myself anyway after she left. She said she was jealous and we both looked at each other silently and held a smile for a long time. I know it sounds silly but there is still love there but she will always be scared of ever trying again because she thinks things wont change. Time apart has made me realise even more that I want my whole life with her. I just dont know what she wants. Both of us seem to be finding it hard to move on as we loved each other dearly, never cheated etc. Everyone was shocked when we broke up. Iv not bothered her but the few times we have bumped into each other there have been tears etc. In my previous posts, people have said its this g.i.g.s things but the jury is out for me. Im 32, she is 25..any thoughts would be great..

[Lou123]

It seems to me that there maybe something there, but as it stands she is with another man. If he were not in the picture I would tell you to go back and talk things out in hopes of a reconciliation. Sure, he's probably a rebound but he is there.

[beyond]

Hi, yesterday was my sisters wedding and my ex girlfriend of six years did the make up for all the girls. I didnt see her in the morning but in the afternoon she came to the venue to do the make up touch ups for the evening. I accidently bumped into her as I was walking through the reception and we both looked so shocked to see each other. We have now been apart for 4 months. The reason she left was because she felt like I didnt want all the bigger future things with her. I convinced her of everything I wanted with her saying that I wanted to take her to Africa to propose, id actually bought a ring and was looking at house prices etc. But she still left me and moved out. She is now living with an old work colleague and has not looked 100% happy and seems confused about everything. I have left her alone. Since then I know she has been on a couple of dates through a mutual friend but she told her that no one compares to me and that she has a long way to go. Iv also been on a date but feel the same as she does. When we saw each other at the wedding she asked about my africa trip which I booked for myself anyway after she left. She said she was jealous and we both looked at each other silently and held a smile for a long time. I know it sounds silly but there is still love there but she will always be scared of ever trying again because she thinks things wont change. Time apart has made me realise even more that I want my whole life with her. I just dont know what she wants. Both of us seem to be finding it hard to move on as we loved each other dearly, never cheated etc. Everyone was shocked when we broke up. Iv not bothered her but the few times we have bumped into each other there have been tears etc. In my previous posts, people have said its this g.i.g.s things but the jury is out for me. Im 32, she is 25..any thoughts would be great..

 

It doesn't really add up what you are saying. You say the break up was because she felt you didn't want the bigger things with her and yet you were going to propose and were looking at houses etc. Either something else is going on here that you are not saying or she must have realised she didn't want those things with you.

 

Either way, it seems there is still a lot of feeling between you both. yOU say you have not 'bothered' her since you split up but maybe, in this case you should. By that, I mean ask her to go out for a drink to talk. Ask her, in as non judgemental a way as possible, why she left when you were offering her all she said she wanted from you.

 

If too awkward for you both (you judge, you know her best) to meet face to face, then email her and ask her - say it would help you to move on. If she says stuff like she is 'confused' etc, then probably GIGS which is an answer in itself.

[beyond]

It seems to me that there maybe something there, but as it stands she is with another man. If he were not in the picture I would tell you to go back and talk things out in hopes of a reconciliation. Sure, he's probably a rebound but he is there.

 

I think I've read OP post differently - don't see mention that she is with anyone, just that she has been on a few dates but no one compares.

[MarkV]

Im 99.9% sure there is no other guy. She handled the breakup hard too and lost lots of weight and looks so unhappy,not someone who should be happy with a new guy. She spends all her time with her friends and family and spends most of her eves at home alone as she lives next door to my best friend

[MarkV]

Dear Beyond, there is not anything else to say about the situation really. We had a great relationship (or so I thought). We went out for food a month ago and we talked and I asked for the real reason for the breakup and she said it was honestly because she felt like I didn't want a future with her. I bought the engagement ring a few weeks before the breakup and when she broke it off I though dam it perfect timing! I never saw the breakup coming and told her about the ring and that I was planning to take her to Africa. I hope now that im actually going it will give her some sense that I WAS serious. Thats what makes it confusing to me because like you said why did she leave when i reassured her of everything and when she knew about the ring. I dont know if her looks are looks of regret, love or just memories? She text me last week on my bday and has asked me out only once during the breakup. This was a month after we seperated

[Lou123]

I misread that part about living with a work colleague. Sorry about that. Now that I worked on reading comprehension so early this morning I agree with the other poster. Talk it out in whatever forum is least painful. It sounds like there is something there

[Jono85]

IMO, she's lying. if that was truly the reason why she broke up with you, well you telling her otherwise (that you had bought an engagement ring and were looking for houses, etc.) would have OBVIOUSLY brought her back and made her want to try things again. she doesn't want that it sounds like, even after you told her those things. she's merely using that as a coverup. plus she wouldn't dump you IMO b/c she had a hunch you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with her, that seems silly to me. she would talk to you about your guys future first.

[beyond]

Dear Beyond, there is not anything else to say about the situation really. We had a great relationship (or so I thought). We went out for food a month ago and we talked and I asked for the real reason for the breakup and she said it was honestly because she felt like I didn't want a future with her. I bought the engagement ring a few weeks before the breakup and when she broke it off I though dam it perfect timing! I never saw the breakup coming and told her about the ring and that I was planning to take her to Africa. I hope now that im actually going it will give her some sense that I WAS serious. Thats what makes it confusing to me because like you said why did she leave when i reassured her of everything and when she knew about the ring. I dont know if her looks are looks of regret, love or just memories? She text me last week on my bday and has asked me out only once during the breakup. This was a month after we seperated

 

So you only told her about the ring after the break up? In that case maybe she is too proud now to back down (although seems a bit immature that she didn't talk about her fears with you).

 

Give it one last shot. Say you want those things with her, love her etc. If she really is regretting her decision she will jump at this chance. Anything less then she is just not being honest about her true reasons for the break up.

 

Good luck

[MarkV]

Thank you for your responses. We did talk about our future many times, i have a lot of savings and have been really reluctant to put it all down on a house but was willing to use half. She earns ok but has never really tried to save and for me its the principle of trying to save. This my only concern and I voiced this to her when we spoke. This is why at times I was a little distant about discussing the future and she knows this. Im just scared of ever talking to her about me and her because I dont want to be shot down and made to feel rubbish all over again. She said she was hurt for the last few months of the relationship but I feel like iv laid all my cards out and she knows how I feel about her

[Jono85]

Thank you for your responses. We did talk about our future many times, i have a lot of savings and have been really reluctant to put it all down on a house but was willing to use half. She earns ok but has never really tried to save and for me its the principle of trying to save. This my only concern and I voiced this to her when we spoke. This is why at times I was a little distant about discussing the future and she knows this. Im just scared of ever talking to her about me and her because I dont want to be shot down and made to feel rubbish all over again. She said she was hurt for the last few months of the relationship but I feel like iv laid all my cards out and she knows how I feel about her

 

 

dude, it sounds like you have laid all your cards out on the table. now all you can do is wait; or better yet, start the moving on process as if she's not coming back. as hard as that will be. if she doesn't come back, you've had a head start, if she does, you can evaluate that at that time.

 

imo, and it sounds like you've been good here, you can't keep laying those cards on the table every few months, etc. she needs to know that you're serious about moving on and her losing you if she doesn't make a decision. i think there's a solid chance she changes her mind if you just play it cool and not remind her about all the things you've told her already. that's just my approach anyway.

 

i'm in a situation that's a LITTLE bit similar, not so much entirely. but basically i broke up with my girl b/c of something she did to betray my trust (not cheating, but crossing my bounderies/lying) and she stressed how much of a mistake it was and she only did it b/c i've never given her my full love as she's given me (which is true, i'm very slow at this and semi afraid of commitment) so when i sort of begged for her back and finally opened up about how much i loved her and yada yada yada (things i wasn't really comfortable saying while in the 7 month relationship for whatever reason, and realized when we were apart) she said she needed time and wasn't ready to be back together. anyway, long story short, she's been very distant for the last month, and i've stopped caring to talk to her, and i've been very short and brief with her the odd weekend she initiated text, but this morning she finally caved and called and left a voicemail about how much she misses me etc. point is, sometimes it takes time. and i sort of believe she never would have called this morning if i was always telling her how much i miss her and love her every few days or week. lol, now that i think about it, maybe it's not the best way to think (that she would only come back to me if i stayed cold) but imo there's no point to keep telling girls the same thing; if they don't want to be with you, there's nothing u can do. she knows you've laid it on the line, and she still hasn't bit yet. that's a bit of a slap in the face, and it was in my situation too. and i'm not going to jump back in without being careful and taking it slow, b/c to be honest i lost a bit of trust in this past month b/c of her being so distant after i opened up.

Edited May 6, 2012 by Jono85

[MarkV]

Jono85,thank you for your reply and advice words. I havent bugged her at all without getting back together. When she left the wedding i said thank you for all the help with the wedding makeup. She then txt me saying 'her pleasure but it was very sad because she didnt feel like a big part of it'. I replied saying the breakup was her choice and that when we were together she was a massive part of it. She then replied again with a ' xx '. I just dont get the girl!? It was her choice to leave! I have been moving on slowly by booking my africa trip, moved out and into a new apartment, started a course etc. She hasnt been doing much. It was tough last week because my friend saw her on a dating webiste saying she doesnt want a serious relationship but just wants to casually date etc but her description of what she likes is everything like me! Like I said, iv left her to it as she wont figure out her life either way with me around. Everytime we have bumped into each other she has looked upset and cried and everyone has said how run down and different she seems...

[Jono85]

Jono85,thank you for your reply and advice words. I havent bugged her at all without getting back together. When she left the wedding i said thank you for all the help with the wedding makeup. She then txt me saying 'her pleasure but it was very sad because she didnt feel like a big part of it'. I replied saying the breakup was her choice and that when we were together she was a massive part of it. She then replied again with a ' xx '. I just dont get the girl!? It was her choice to leave! I have been moving on slowly by booking my africa trip, moved out and into a new apartment, started a course etc. She hasnt been doing much. It was tough last week because my friend saw her on a dating webiste saying she doesnt want a serious relationship but just wants to casually date etc but her description of what she likes is everything like me! Like I said, iv left her to it as she wont figure out her life either way with me around. Everytime we have bumped into each other she has looked upset and cried and everyone has said how run down and different she seems...

 

hang in there bud. i've had long talks with my ex over the last 24 hrs, and have found out much more. that she indeed went on a couple dates with a couple guys, one guy 3 dates and even made out with him but said she started hearing bad things about him being a player, and he also said a few things jokingly to her about 'putting out' that she had enough. point is, it's not all terrible that our exes go on a few dates, and maybe even gets involved with another guy. at the end of the day if she wants to be with you, she will make that known to you. you might not even want her back if she comes crawling back after some rough sledding on the dating scene. but i guess what i'm saying is at first i was pretty upset that she was dating other guys while i was pining for her and missing her, but after calming down, and thinking about it, it's not all that bad of an idea so she can get a clearer understanding of her feelings for me.

[Svet74]

If you want to know If she still loves you go propose to her