Shinobi Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Hello all, I am glad that there is such a caring community where you can find compassion and wisdom. I'll share with you my case and hope to hear your thoughts about it. I'll try to keep it as short as possible without missing the important things. First let me tell you some things about me (so you better judge what she let slip away)- I am from Europe, 27 years old male, I am a PhD student in the best university in my country, 6 months ago I run for mayor of my home city and achieved great results almost on my own and I enjoy popularity here. I have travelled a lot- twice to the US, Japan, across Europe... Very soon my business plans will start giving results so I'll be able to get my dream car- mercedes e class convertible. (not saying this just for fun though). I have serious plans for my future and I am very valued in academia not only in my university. There is more to share, but lets get on the story. The events took place 2 months ago. I was dating this girl (now she's 20 years old) for 2.5 years and our relationship was on and off. She chose to leave her ex bf for me and during our relationship this guy never left her alone and she did some things that burdened our relationship really heavy. But no matter what I was determined to make things work and did not give up. She does not come from rich family and I never let her miss anything, I was helping with what I could. So last year she went to college in a city just an hour away from my home town. We were talkig about this and I said so many times that likely the college life and the environment will tempt her and we might separate (not because I wanted that, but because she would not resist). She was so determined, she convinced me that she would never turn on me, how she wanted to be with me and never leave me, how must I trust her... OK, deep down inside I was hoping and praying that we may go through this together (this almost never happens with couples in college years). Yes, we had arguments about how often she should be going to clubs but nothing out of the ordinary. If you start going out a time will come where you'll forget you have a bf/gf 50 miles away and you will be done. A month prior to our break up I noticed a change and just felt something was wrong. I asked her is there anything she wants to tell me and everytime she became very offensive and trying to make me look jealous and controlling. I just could feel the whole thing. She started going to bed at 11 pm (which is very unusual, believe me). I had to do something because nobody was going to tell me what's going on. One evening she called me and said that she is going to a club with our mutual friend (male who was my friend too and whom I trusted but he was there just for cover). I said OK, but without telling her that me and several of my friends are going there too. We arrived and she called few times to check me and I pretended that I am at home watching TV. We entered the bar (it's big one and there is good chance me and you being there whole night without even see each other) and the situation was if it was set up by the fate... We were walking towards our table when I glanced towards the bar and I saw her kissing some guy just for a second. If I glanced a second later I would see her and this one just talking and probably she would make up some lie. Our mutual friend was there too and he saw me first but could not react. I immediately went there grabbed her for the chin and turned her face toward me. I looked her in the eyes for several seconds, turned around and walked away, never turned back... Her face was undescribable, her eyes wide open. I felt so devastated, so betrayed, horrible and the night was just ahead. I barely made it that night.... And can you imagine? She remained there, this guy with big belly went to her from time to time. She danced, smiled and so on, like nothing happened. She never called, she never texted some kind of closure- for example she could have texted me something like "I am sorry that you had to find out this way, all the best in life"... NOTHING! I went NC of course and moving on with my life. I already slept with two girls and I keep being chased by some others. During this "relationship" I never cheated and did not have intention to do so although I had several opportunities. I turned down really nice girls for the sake to remain faithful... The stupid thing is that she lied to me so horrible, week prior to this situation she was telling how much she loved me, she called me "my love" which in my native language is stronger than "I love you". I found out this guy is older than me, co-owner of a small clothing shop (hah). Well, I do not own clothing shop but you could not tell that because half of her wardrobe is a gift from me, and this is not all. Anyway... She remained with this one and I was proven right- she's been doing this for some time behind my back. I took my life in strong hands- the first three weeks were tough and honestly I was expecting a call or text from her for explanation. Wrong... Now I train and look more athletic but this is just the beginning. I bumped several times on her and guess what- I smile and say "hi" to her and pass by. I do this because the good attitude on my side will crush her, if I act as angry or hurt it will not have this effect. I show that I am who I am, know where I am going, I am strong and completely in charge. Soon she will see what she missed because good things will happen to me, I've prepared for this since years and it's time. Last saturday she was in the same club as me and since I entered she didn't take her eyes off me. I was with my back towards her and when I turned around she was already watching me. How do you assess that? I suppose she misses me but the honeymoon with the fat guy is on and she can not feel the whole consequences of her decision yet but somehow in my mind I know that someday she will regret this (well, maybe not, but who will care...) Imagine you did this to a guy who months later jumped way higher level in his life- looks great, has nice car, great job and is somewhat famous (she knew for my plans and what I worked on). Do you believe that she might regret when she starts turning the film back? All my friends say this because I treated her good and never hurt her. Do you believe that what goes around comes around? Thank you for your time to read all of this. There are more to share with so many details but the post became too long anyway... Thank you once more.
Lou123 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I'm sorry you went through this. She may regret what happened but you have to ask yourself if you do get back together can you build something new or will you be haunted by her actions. I'm not personally strong enough to forget. I'm immature that way. If you love her then you owe it to both of you to be honest about your ability to forget. Otherwise it will eventually ruin the relationship. Good luck to you 1
Author Shinobi Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 I'm sorry you went through this. She may regret what happened but you have to ask yourself if you do get back together can you build something new or will you be haunted by her actions. I'm not personally strong enough to forget. I'm immature that way. If you love her then you owe it to both of you to be honest about your ability to forget. Otherwise it will eventually ruin the relationship. Good luck to you Thank you for that. I do not think reconciliation is an option here. She basically left me for someone else with such ease. She seems happy, posted pictures on facebook with the new guy. We are still friends on facebook but I have unsubscribed from her posts and it is as we are not friends. I checked her profile just twice since break up and do not do it anymore because it is not pleasant. I am completely gone from her life and she from mine. I also think this is unforgivable but you never know what will happen. People reunite even under worse conditions but if such kind of thing is EVER about to happen it would be in years time... I do not want her although I still feel bad. I was just wondering if she might feel burdened by not saying anything after this. I feel the answer is "yes" BUT something of this kind must happen to her in order to realize what she did...
Lou123 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I can't imagine she doesn't feel bad. Whether it's because she hurt you or got caught remains unseen. You know the old cliche about letting something go and all that? Well, maybe this is one of those instances. I see your unsubscribing, but not unfriending on facebook as relatively normal behavior although you run the risk of holding on for longer than you should by doing it. I'm in the midst of a possible break up (I posted a few minutes ago) and I've already found myself looking at his FB page...I never look at it. the internet is a strange beast
Exit Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Hah I stopped reading at "she is now 20 years old". Don't bother with the young chicks. They have no idea what they're doing. Find someone better/older. No, don't count on "what goes around comes around", my ex was a heartless soulless person and she has found happiness with someone else while I am miserable every day. Life is not fair. Figure out how to find happiness in your life without worrying about whether or not your ex will ever realize her mistake or anything like that. She probably won't.
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