budley12 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 So here I am finally starting to heal and accept the fact that my ex is happy with the new guy I was dumped for, and then BAM... today I guess my ex dumps him. My roommate also told me that my ex was asking about me last night (in front of the new guy as well), and I think my ex and my roommate got together tonight to talk about things. What now? I was moving on... (well trying to anyways). I still love my ex, but I have been ignoring and NC for almost 6months now. Did my ex dump the guy to try and get back with me/he missed me --or were they just not working out? I may be looking into this more than I should be, but I guess thats what us dumpees do when we are still not over it. I feel like getting in contact now to figure out what happened and if my ex still has feelings for me, but my ex ended it with me. I shouldn't be the one to try and mend things correct? Heck, why do I even want to mend things after the way I was hurt, after the crap I was put through. Why do I still love someone whom I havnt spoken to in months. This is the last week we are at college and then I head back home and I won't see my ex then for around 8months since we are both studying abroad.
jennisfora Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Budley, if he is interested he will reach out. he knows your number, right? if he does, don't bend over backwards for him, and take him back right away. make him re earn your trust. if you just take him back, he wont respect you and will come and go at will. don't let him. set some groundrules. remember, you are a prize, a prize that he turned down like a fool. you are worth more than he knew, and you have to act like it. he doesnt deserve you. he is lucky that you still want him, and you need to make sure he isn't going to do anymore waffling. if he comes back, he has to be back 110 percent. no excuses, no not knowing what he wants B.S. your heart isn't a yo yo, make him work for it. *hugs* 7
Author budley12 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 thank you for your response... to go with that now: HE TEXTED ME last night. first time since january. all he said was "hello". I have not yet responded because I don't know how to deal with this. It is finals week for me, and I really cant be dealing with this now. I want to text and see what he wants, but then again I have to try and set my priorities straight. Any suggestions?
Warrior Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 6 months is alot of progress. Don't let him ruin it for you. Your life is your 1st priority. Don't meet him, don't talk too much with him. he will reach out for you, when he does play hard to get I mean real hard. He stomped on your heart remember? He might do it again in a blink of an eye. 1
Author budley12 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 thanks warrior. well, I texted just saying "hi". I wish I hadn't though because now here I am waiting by the phone for a response. ughh, this is horrible =(
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 thanks warrior. well, I texted just saying "hi". I wish I hadn't though because now here I am waiting by the phone for a response. ughh, this is horrible =( This person broke your heart and you texted "hi"? Don't give him power anymore===he has it since you are waiting for a response:( If he was hell bent on reaching out to you, he would. Nothing anyone else says they heard about the ex should matter---best to hear it with your very own ears from the person involved.
Million.to.1 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Bottom line... he just broke up with someone and is feeling lonely and bored. He want's a distraction, and someone to fill the void. An ex like you may be an easier option than meeting someone new. If you let him.. he will use you and hurt you again. A txt of "hello" ??? WTF - and you replied??? That is the lamest approach to make and took no effort whart-so-ever. 6 months of healing is about to go down the toilet. You are already waiting for him do do something and he already has all the power. 3
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 big mistake, responding. Read the No Contact guide. It tells you everything you need to know about ex-contact situations. Give yourself 24 hours to really think about a correct, appropriate response. You deserve time, and by the sound of it, with his hello, he was absolutely testing the waters.... "Well, that didn't work - let's see how things stand with budley12... maybe i can creep back into that one...." Be cautious, be good to yourself, and don't be a pushover. Be the one to call the shots. Read the guide, ánd be strong. 1
jennisfora Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 saying hi does not mean, hey i made a mistake and want you back...he is just making sure you are still there where he left you...i would wait until you get a real message, like a voice mail saying he is sorry for hurting you, or an invitation to cofee...hello, hi, are you okay? how are you? are all breadcrumbs just to make sure you are still in the background. heaven forbid someone is alone for more than a day, have to have the backup plan on the shelf...don't reply to meaningless vague contacts. he just broke up, he has issues being alone, or is unsure if he wants to be alone, and is looking for the safe bet. don't be the safe bet, make him have to go on a limb and take a risk. you aren't a sure thing, he has to earn you back, remember?
Chi townD Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 thanks warrior. well, I texted just saying "hi". I wish I hadn't though because now here I am waiting by the phone for a response. ughh, this is horrible =( *facepalm* Okay, so your Ex breaks it off with the guy your Ex LEFT you for and now he thinks he can just waltz back into your life? Like, you were waiting on the sidelines for him all along. NOW, he's got you checking your phone every two minutes. My atitude would be, "Hey, you gave up on me. That's your loss. Have a nice life!"
tears_in_rain Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Hey Budley Don't let this guy use you as a stepping stone. I know you've got feelings still. Forget them though...don't be a tool for his recovery. You've done the time, you've suffered and taken time to recover. Don't throw that down the pan man. Be your own man..find someone worthy of your gifts...there's someone out there that deserves your love and RESPECT. Don't settle for anything than less. You have control over your life ! You have control over who you want to share your life with. Make that choice. You don't need anyone. You have the choice to share your life with someone. Let them accept you as you. If they want to go down the path with you hand in hand ...good. If they lead you down the path...take a pinch of salt. Use your head before your heart my friend & good luck !
Author budley12 Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 thanks for all of the heart-filled responses everyone. I think you are all right. Unfortunately I didn't see these responses until too late. I of course did the opposite of what you all said and engaged in a decent texting convo. Him just asking how life is... How I am doing... Blah Blah, small talk. Then he says he misses it. What is "it"? -Couldn't he have said "me" or "us"... but IT. what does that mean! Then came the big question... "are you dating anyone?" ---WHAT!?! This angered me. Who does he think he is to think he has a right to know something personal about my life anymore. He chose to walk out. Is this is way of saying he's interested? Or is it just making sure I am still "available"? Unfortunately I caved again and just told the truth and said "no". And that was the end of our conversation. My guess is, he was just checking up to see if i'm still on the side lines; waiting. I mean seriously... college ends at the end of this week and we head to our different home states and he pulls this crap. He had all semester to try and mend things or get in touch. But no, it had to be finals week. I hope I can stay strong if he texts me again, and just give the cold shoulder. it is just so hard when I still love what we once had. But you are right, 6months of healing is about to go down the drain if I let my guard down again. Luckily only a few more days of being in this environment and then a short break, then I'm off halfway around the world to New Zealand. Sorry for the ranting, but thanks for sticking by me everyone! It really means a lot!
TaraMaiden Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Yeah... amazing isn't it, when you find out who your friends are when the crapoola hits the fan, huh? It's good that we're all telling you the same thing, right? I mean, if you had a whole bunch of us saying different things, I could understand that you wouldn't know which way is up.... But we've all pretty much advised you the same thing. And we're all here for you. PLEASE: Next time you hear from him - and guess what? You probably will - Do NOT respond! Give it 24 hours, during which time you can use us to figure out what to do.... That's what buddies are for. And right now - he's looking after numero uno, rather than being a buddy to you. 1
fificremefarben Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Hi Budley, I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said. I can imagine that this is a massive blow after everything. On one hand I'll bet you thought all you wanted was for him to miss you again and come back but, now that it's happening, it's not as sweet as anticipated. All I can add is that he's already shown you through his actions (leaving you for another guy) where you rank in his world in the grand scheme of things and how expendable to him you were when someone else came along. Even if he comes back saying sweet words, don't believe them- just believe the actions. You're about to head off on a big adventure. You've come so far. Don't take anymore of his unneccessary baggage with you. Leave it in the past, and go out and create your future. I wish you all the best xx 1
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