moonbunny001 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 My boyfriend Nick (20) and I (19) have been dating for three years now and it was a wonderful relationship. However, now I find out he's been lying to me about smoking ciggs (I can not breath in smoke; asthma). I've smelt it on him multiple time but I've always trusted him when he said he was around his smoking friends. He's done it now for about a month or longer and he's addicted. I don't know what to do because he believes nothing is wrong but, I can't even kiss him without choking on smoke. Advice?
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 He's at the age where he's going to explore and find himself, even hanging out friends who smoke/drink/do drugs and It'll come down to whether he's a follower or a leader and can stick to his own path, or maybe he's just going to be a guy who wants to smoke from now on. You'll have to really sit down with him and have a serious conversation with him about this, communicate how you feel and why it bothers you, then ask him why he chooses to do it, what he gets out of it and If he intends to continue doing it regardless of how you feel. Don't get into an argument while you're disappointed and already smell smoke on him, find a time to talk about this when you're spending time together and set up a time where you can seriously talk about this. His natural reaction may be immaturity, rejected your feelings about...making it out like you're just trying to control it...but remind him that this is an important to you and that's why he should care...nothing more, of course he has the right to do what he technically wants to do but If it bothers you he should care how you feel and affects you and the relationship, he's young so you'll probably need to break it down for him in that way. At the end of the day relationships are about compromise, not about a man standing on top of a hill pounding his chest, any man can do that...It's much harder to do the things you can but don't want to do because It affects the person you love..just because you have the power or opportunity doesn't mean you should use it just to feel like a man.
Author moonbunny001 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Thank you so much. Your the first person that I've talked to that makes any sense.
dasein Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 The smoking is a compatibility issue, sure, but the -lying-? In your shoes, since it's three years and you say it's been good, I'd merely put the foot down and tell him if he lies to you again, about -anything-, you are gone. Had it been less than three years, 1 or so, I'd be gone in a heartbeat in your shoes. Someone who lies to you is not a good long term bet, and if they will lie to you about something that bears directly on your health, they will lie about other things. Good luck.
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