I like it this way....(frustrated guys read)

[Imajerk17]

There were a few guys talking about how hard dating is for men. As a man, I am going to give another perspective on this....

 

 

(1) First of all, you don't have to cold-approach. You don't. It's a rush when you do--I love it, but if you really don't want to do it, don't sweat it too much. See, most guys who are in relationships didn't meet their woman via cold-approach. They met her in school, work, social circle, or (more and more) online.

 

 

(2) Women don't have a conspiracy against you. They DON'T want to make dating hard or unfair for you. (At least the women you want anyway). I could take this idea a number of ways. I'll for now address the guys who think that women expect a guy to be robots who must always be read to make a move if they are real men. Guys, women aren't sitting around saying stuff like: "When he looked my way I turned up my nose at him and looked away. And then when he came over to talk to me I gave him one-word answers and didn't ask any questions back, until I 'had to go to the bathroom'. Why didn't he ask for my number?? He must be gay!"

 

This goes double if you see her at say the grocery store as opposed to a bar or party. She isn't thinking about whether she should approach you or you her, she's just thinking about what she's going to get for dinner. You're not even on her radar. Well, not until you go up and talk to her (or creep her out by following her around the store but let's hope you don't do that.) And if she did notice you and was hoping you'd approach, she probably isn't holding against you if you don't. She probably will assume that you're focused on your evening as she usually is hers.

 

I mean, a woman might fantasize about a guy coming up to her in the produce section, but she isn't really expecting it. This sort of thing only happens in the movies right?

 

 

(3) The current set-up actually BENEFITS you, if you're willing... Well, I'll tell you a story. This morning I was at the grocery store, and I saw this stunning blonde. Well, I went up and talked to her and I got her number.

 

Here's the thing though: If things were any "fairer", I probably wouldn't have stood a shot. Either (a) this woman would have gone over and talked to the best-looking guy in the store at the time [not me! ], (b) or a guy taller or better-looking than I would have had no issues having to be the one to approach, and he would have gone over and talked to her instead of I. But neither (a) nor (b) happened. So she was available to talk to an average-looking guy such as myself as long as I was willing to walk over. The better-looking guys took themselves out of the game.

 

So I like things the way they are now thank you.

 

Who knows if she will actually follow-up? That isn't the point. I get a lot more play than I deserve, not because I'm tall or good-looking (nope and not really) or because I'm alpha (whatever *that* means but I'm not that either!). It's instead because I'm willing to hustle. The way things are now rewards guys who are willing to hustle.

 

Be willing to hustle.

Edited May 6, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Cracker Jack]

Great topic. I always respected your POV on this matter. You just have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone and do something. There's plenty of women out here for us, but if we never make our presence known, it doesn't really matter. Approaching a woman isn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it was months ago, but I'm still a beginner. It's tough, but a challenge is never a bad thing.

 

Fact is, we have more control of our dating lives than we think, and it's frustrating to see so many guys sit back and place all the blame on women, or constantly go on about how "ugly" or short they are. It's simply a waste of time and doesn't help their situation.

 

What it comes down to is you're either going to go out of your way to help yourself or you're going to continue doing what you're doing and get nowhere in the process.

[Necromancer]

The numbers i get are always flakes. what´s up with that?

 

Still nice to read thought

[darkmoon]

item 2 is spot on; yes, just chat and keep chatting it makes life easier, no more worrying about being boring or hard work socially, i'm a woman me and a friend realized this, i hope nobody disagrees, it makes life easier for guys and isn't hard to do, obviously let him speak to but make it easy, he might think you don't like him much otherwise

[Imajerk17]

The numbers i get are always flakes. what´s up with that?

 

Still nice to read thought

 

You might not be making enough of a connection with the girl. Or you might be waiting too long to follow up. If all you do is talk with her briefly and you call her two days later, by then she will forget why she was attracted to you and her nerves will get the better of her.

 

We have a slightly different cost-benefit structure to women. We value "being good looking" much more than they do, while they value "emotional connection" much more, AND they are much more concerned about their safety and things being awkward. We typically would be willing to meet an attractive stranger whom we don't know if we'll get along with, while women are typically not.

 

Thanks darkmoon!

[SarahRose]

For number one, there is nothing wrong with cold calling but really expanding your social circle is the best way to meet people.

 

go to things, join things, initiate things

 

I highly recommend toastmasters for the awkward frustrated guy

 

For number 2, absolutely correct, women aren't thinking about you like that. they are deliberately try to keep you down or anything. are you deliberately trying to shut women out? no.

 

number 3, absolutely correct. anything in life is better the more effort you put into it. learning the guitar, study, work. getting out there and making the effort.

 

attitude is important. try to stop being so hateful and bitter towards women. it really shows through even online and it is a huge turn off. I read these post how a guy doesn't want to buy a date a coffee because she isn't attractive. i mean good grief. what is the harm in making a friend? This is expanding your social circle. This girl may know someone who is your dream girl.

[ThaWholigan]

Also, consider that nervous feeling that most guys have when they approach a girl they like, or they just happen to be around a girl they think is attractive. I don't need to point it out, you know what they are . Have you ever tried forming a new habit correlated to that feeling, or at least a different reason for it?

 

I read something interesting today and I thought it was pretty genius, although a little out there so I think I'm going to try and apply it. Instead of relating to this nervousness as approach anxiety, think of it as simply.......an indicator that tells you that this could be a girl you should be talking to.

 

Also, try not to attach yourself to the outcome. When socializing, it makes everything easier, dealing with rejections become easier....in fact, they won't even feel like rejections. Simples.

[Mr Coach]

You're absolutely right. It's a game that favors the guys who are taking action!

 

Most guys should stop over-thinking and over-analyzing every little minor detail (which in 99% of all cases end up with no action being taken) and focus more on taking action, and learning by their failures/successes/experiences and calibrating their "game".

[Imajerk17]

For number one, there is nothing wrong with cold calling but really expanding your social circle is the best way to meet people.

 

go to things, join things, initiate things

I highly recommend toastmasters for the awkward frustrated guy

 

For number 2, absolutely correct, women aren't thinking about you like that. they are deliberately try to keep you down or anything. are you deliberately trying to shut women out? no.

 

number 3, absolutely correct. anything in life is better the more effort you put into it. learning the guitar, study, work. getting out there and making the effort.

 

attitude is important. try to stop being so hateful and bitter towards women. it really shows through even online and it is a huge turn off. I read these post how a guy doesn't want to buy a date a coffee because she isn't attractive. i mean good grief. what is the harm in making a friend? This is expanding your social circle. This girl may know someone who is your dream girl.

 

Great post. I agree with everything you said, especially the bolded.

 

Cold-approaching is fun, it makes for great stories, if you see a girl you want to meet you need to go meet her, but.... it's not where real growth occurs.

 

Women flake on guys they talked to for all of 5 minutes. They don't flake on someone they connected with over a common cause.

 

Besides, if you do get that women you met via cold-approach to meet up with you, what are you going to talk to her about?

[Sid6.7]

Not bad, but you left out money. I am not saying someone with money should spend it on females, absolutely not. But the fact is...well because money.

[Imajerk17]

Not bad, but you left out money. I am not saying someone with money should spend it on females, absolutely not. But the fact is...well because money.

 

Well what about money? Money actually matters little, especially in cold-approach situations. How could it. Talk about what car you drive or how much you make and you will turn women off.

[ThaWholigan]

Rich guys don't have the monopoly of getting laid unless they are charismatic, good looking, or pay escorts. There are probably quite a few rich guys who DON'T get women..........and a lot of broke ass guys who get women easily.

[Sid6.7]

Well what about money? Money actually matters little, especially in cold-approach situations. How could it. Talk about what car you drive or how much you make and you will turn women off.

 

Matters little you say? Hmm nah disagree with that completely. Hell, you don't even have to have money. Just look like you do. Women will go out with potential.

 

Have you seen the new Lexus gs model? The cold approach turns very warm if they see you rolling in one of those. By the way, I never said talk about how much you make or what you drive, I would advise against even mentioning it. I don't like it any more than you do but it's true. C'mon lets be honest with each other here.

 

I do agree with cold approaches, though. That's how things get done.

[Sid6.7]

Rich guys don't have the monopoly of getting laid unless they are charismatic, good looking, or pay escorts. There are probably quite a few rich guys who DON'T get women..........and a lot of broke ass guys who get women easily.

 

I agree. The rich guys that don't get laid don't have any game. If a rich guy can't get laid that should really tell you how bad their game is. The broke ass guys develop the best game.

[somedude81]

Sorry, I looked over the post and couldn't find anything that looked like it would actually help.

 

1. I don't cold approach, so at least knowing that it's not needed is nice.

 

2. I have never thought women have something against me. Though I think God does, but that's something different.

 

3. I don't have a clue what to actually say to a random girl I see doing her own thing. Nor can I imagine why she would want to go out with a stranger, let alone talk to him.

[ThaWholigan]

You can't imagine why she would want to go out with a stranger let alone talk to him. You need to expand that imagination a little more, brother .

 

Cold approaching isn't something I do regularly either. I pretty much cold approach people for 2 reasons at the moment. 1) If I need to. 2) To keep exercising my social muscle.

 

Why do you think God has something against you? Do you think He has made you powerless?

 

You don't have to have a clue what to say to a random girl. The worst thing you can do is think about what you're going to say.

[Imajerk17]

Sorry, I looked over the post and couldn't find anything that looked like it would actually help.

 

1. I don't cold approach, so at least knowing that it's not needed is nice.

 

2. I have never thought women have something against me. Though I think God does, but that's something different.

 

3. I don't have a clue what to actually say to a random girl I see doing her own thing. Nor can I imagine why she would want to go out with a stranger, let alone talk to him.

 

There's so much information on the Internet and you still don't have an idea?

 

Why not "I saw you over here and I had to come meet you?". Then just ask her about her day... You might be surprised.

[Imajerk17]

Why not "I saw you over here and I had to come meet you?". Then just as

Edited May 6, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Imajerk17]

Why a woman would go out with a stranger:

 

Read the threads from the women on here. They really really want to meet a great guy. Implying that they haven't met him yet, which makes them (before he walks over) a stranger.

[counterman]

Great post! It's always better to do something rather than nothing. I can't tell you how many guy friends I have that are always wallowing in their own self-pity. Their mindset and attitude hinders them greatly. It's always "she's not going to like me anyways", "she's not my type",or "what do I say?" -- the first step is to recognise that this is all in your head. As for what to say to a random girl, what Imajerk suggested or a slight variation I use "Hi, I noticed you over there and thought I would come say hi :)". Where to go from there? I've spoken about my studies, my job, my interest and hobbies, travels, the immediate situation (if I was on my way somewhere, or if I was doing something interesting later)... literally anything, as long as you're talking, that's a good start.

 

What cold-approaching has done for me is given me the confidence to approach and talk to women I am really attracted to. My conversational skills have improved and I just feel more comfortable with myself around women. Most importantly, I have fun and I just enjoy it. If I was really constantly looking for something to happen, I would be easily frustrated when cold-approaching. But I agree, it's not the only way to meet people. Building a great social circle is very key and it's something I have neglected.

[iris219]

Why a woman would go out with a stranger:

 

Read the threads from the women on here. They really really want to meet a great guy. Implying that they haven't met him yet, which makes them (before he walks over) a stranger.

 

Yep.

 

If I don't go out with strangers, who will I date? My friends are paired up and we don't know single men. I would love it if men approached me in public more, but usually they just leer at me over the bakery items and look away when I notice.

 

I give you a lot of credit for approaching women in public. I wish more guys were as bold as you.

[Imajerk17]

As of right now, I am dating 3 women. One I met via cold approach, two I met online. One of the girls I met online I had to email her twice to get her to respond. She told me she liked my persistence.

 

Here's the thing. I cold approach. I do OLD. I also have some cool hobbies. These things feed off each other for me. For example, my hobbies are giving me stuff to talk about in my OLD profile and on dates. It's getting to the point lately where women are writing me and I am having to politely turn them down. I just don't have time right now.

 

No I'm not tall. I'm in my late 30's. I wish I had understood all this 10 years ago!

 

The way the game is now with women not willing to approach and most men (many of whom would have gotten the girl over me if they had only tried) who won't do it either, is totally rigged in favor of the guys who are willing to hustle.

Edited May 11, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Imajerk17]

Yep.

 

If I don't go out with strangers, who will I date? My friends are paired up and we don't know single men. I would love it if men approached me in public more, but usually they just leer at me over the bakery items and look away when I notice.

 

I give you a lot of credit for approaching women in public. I wish more guys were as bold as you.

 

Sorry iris. The guy was attracted to you but unfortunately too shy to do anything besides look.

 

Maybe you could take matters into your own hands and go talk to him yourself? I know you'd wish he would come over, but given the way most guys are, I don't know what else to tell you.

Edited May 11, 2012 by Imajerk17