skeptical2 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I don't trust him. Ok, let me explain. I met this guy through this dating website about a year ago. We spoke for several months online and then stopped for a period and are now at it again. He is African, handsome, confident, is used to girls' attention and so forth. He says the smoothest things. And it isn't "obviously fake" smooth either...but it's the right things. We are supposed to meet soon, but I don't trust him. I just can't put my finger on it. He is too handsome and sweet and all. It can't be real what he says about me. He talks about sex a lot, and when we are online on webcam he talks to his friends, which, they speak different languages, laughing and whatnot. What if they're talking about me? Laughing at me? Flirting with other women? We're not exclusive, but don't tell me you love me then if you're talking the same way to other women. He also doesn't have citizenship in the U.S., but he's on a student visa. What if he is lying to me, selling me a dream, JUST so he can marry me (which he talks about sometimes too) to be a citizen? UGH I DON'T KNOW. Help me find a way to catch him in the act, whether it to flirting with other women, saying similar things to him, laughing or talking badly of me to his friends, etc. YES I know if you have to do these things it means you don't trust him, shouldn't be with him, yada yada. But what if this is all in my head and I've found a great guy? I NEED TO DO THIS. I NEED TO FIND OUT FOR MYSELF. Please don't tell me how wrong I am or how bad this is. Just give me ideas on how to catch him. He has an inactive account on the website...maybe he's still using it from time to time? Please give me ideas. Thanks!
darkmoon Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 (edited) be careful i would not trust him, his friends talking in a foreign langague and he doesn't translate is very bad behaviour and the visa thing is solved by telling him you want to live in his country (not the other way round) see if he go to the ends of the earth to be with you, better he f*cks off by himself if he doesn't translate mind you, why are they all sitting in on you and he lets them - haven't they seen a woman before? Edited May 6, 2012 by darkmoon 1
mortensorchid Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 This seems a bit strange to me. You've been chatting online for a YEAR and you haven't met face to face yet? After while if neither one of you has made an offer to meet, you will not ever meet I find. But, if you have a bad feeling about him, maybe it's best that you just let it stand with him.
Author skeptical2 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 be careful i would not trust him, his friends talking in a foreign langague and he doesn't translate is very bad behaviour and the visa thing is solved by telling him you want to live in his country (not the other way round) see if he go to the ends of the earth to be with you, better he f*cks off by himself if he doesn't translate mind you, why are they all sitting in on you and he lets them - haven't they seen a woman before? I mean when we are talking on skype together and his friend sign in and they talk too on skype, they speak in a different language and he laughs and stuff. i may just be paranoid, idk.
Author skeptical2 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 This seems a bit strange to me. You've been chatting online for a YEAR and you haven't met face to face yet? After while if neither one of you has made an offer to meet, you will not ever meet I find. But, if you have a bad feeling about him, maybe it's best that you just let it stand with him. You mean forget about it and go our separate ways? Or let him know? Oh, and we've talked about meeting in the past, i just wasn't tryna meet him off the net too soon, and then we kinda ventured off and recently started talking again.
FitChick Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Listen to your intuition. Sounds like he wants to stay in the country. He's probably been looking for a sucker but hasn't had any luck yet. Has he asked you for money? How old are you? These young Africans usually prey on older women. I've read plenty of similar stories in the UK press. The fools who marry them wind up getting taken for everything. 1
dsw31 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I don't know how you can actually catch him doing anything but, my gut instinct is sensing a red flag here.He says he loves you & wants to marry you & you've never even met? Be careful!
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I mean when we are talking on skype together and his friend sign in and they talk too on skype, they speak in a different language and he laughs and stuff. i may just be paranoid, idk. I've done quite a bit of unfortunate deeds in my past, and because of that I got to inadvertently experience the results of a woman's "intuition" and from my experience It's practically dead almost every single time but women always doubt it and dismiss it, but I trust a woman's intuition almost without question, not what she wants to believe and feel but what her gut tells her...It's like a six sense, trust in it, It's going to guide you to the truth. Don't feel like you're just making it up, your brain puts together the pieces of the puzzle quicker and better than your able to decipher and explain them. 5
Author skeptical2 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Listen to your intuition. Sounds like he wants to stay in the country. He's probably been looking for a sucker but hasn't had any luck yet. Has he asked you for money? How old are you? These young Africans usually prey on older women. I've read plenty of similar stories in the UK press. The fools who marry them wind up getting taken for everything. Yeah he probably wants to stay in the country. I'm younger, he's like seven or so years older. Never asked me for money, but has offered me some once. (it wasn't out of the blue though).
Author skeptical2 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 I've done quite a bit of unfortunate deeds in my past, and because of that I got to inadvertently experience the results of a woman's "intuition" and from my experience It's practically dead almost every single time but women always doubt it and dismiss it, but I trust a woman's intuition almost without question, not what she wants to believe and feel but what her gut tells her...It's like a six sense, trust in it, It's going to guide you to the truth. Don't feel like you're just making it up, your brain puts together the pieces of the puzzle quicker and better than your able to decipher and explain them. Great advice. Next question is... How do I tell him to eff off?
Professor X Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Great advice. Next question is... How do I tell him to eff off? "Hi xxx, f*ck off" *Skeptical has signed off.*
threebyfate Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Why all the drama when you're not even exclusive or in a relationship? If you don't trust or want to interact with him, why not just block him?
Author skeptical2 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Why all the drama when you're not even exclusive or in a relationship? If you don't trust or want to interact with him, why not just block him? Sorry for taking long to reply, had to block someone real quick. So anyway, I don't block him out right because we've been talking for a while and have shared a lot...when you talk for a while a strong bond forms...I guess it's been fake this whole time though, I don't even know... I guess it comes down to treating people how I would wanna be treated...
threebyfate Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Sorry for taking long to reply, had to block someone real quick. So anyway, I don't block him out right because we've been talking for a while and have shared a lot...when you talk for a while a strong bond forms...I guess it's been fake this whole time though, I don't even know... I guess it comes down to treating people how I would wanna be treated...Firstly, when he was talking and laughing with others in another language, did you ever communicate to him how much it bothered you? As for the rest of the reasons that you've stated in the opening post, it's possible you're right but it's also possible you're wrong since they're all guesses with no due knowledge of such. Truth is perceptional. It doesn't really matter which way it is since without trust, don't even bother taking this any further. Just understand that you're painting him as a bad guy where you have no proof, proof which in this instance is unnecessary since you're not even bound by any relationship constraints. Try to move on without acrimony.
firehawk_1 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 (edited) seems like you really have problems and are trying to cause trouble and provoke him to do something then catch him when its your fault. wow.... i wouldnt support you at all but the other guy. its that simple. if you didnt mess around etc... then you wouldnt be like this. you just want your way and to be a vindictive person too. not good. Edited May 7, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
dsw31 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I still think you should trust your instincts & you should be able to communicate to him But here's a wild idea... Can you find someone who speaks the same language as him, and have them hideout & translate what these guys are saying? Not worth it, in my opinion, just a thought..
shayla Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 When I used to get pedicures, the people in the salon had conversations in their native language and I found it unsettling. So one day I took a few of their phrases and typed them into google translate on my phone. Turns out they were mostly talking about things they were doing, where they went out, who they were crushing on, that kind of stuff. In your case I find the whole thing suspect. Try google translate, get the jist of what they are saying, that may be all the answers you need.
bean1 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 So, let's say you catch him flirting with other women. You know him on the internet and are not exclusive. Then what? Tell him you went all incognito to catch him flirting with other women online when you're not his girlfriend? AND....? From woman to another... you are coming off as a bunny boiler/crazy woman.
Author skeptical2 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 So, let's say you catch him flirting with other women. You know him on the internet and are not exclusive. Then what? Tell him you went all incognito to catch him flirting with other women online when you're not his girlfriend? AND....? From woman to another... you are coming off as a bunny boiler/crazy woman. I'd make an informed decision as to whether or not I wanna keep talking to him and hearing him tell me he loves me and whatnot. Now shut the hell up if you have nothing better to do than try and insult someone.
Heart Of A Lion Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 (edited) I'd make an informed decision as to whether or not I wanna keep talking to him and hearing him tell me he loves me and whatnot. Are you saying that he's telling you he loves you without ever having met you in person? I'm not saying it's not possible, but you would expect someone to say something like that after having met in person and even then after you've personally known each other for a while. I'm not sure whether he's smooth-talking you or not, but saying that without ever having met you seems unusual at the very least. Edited May 6, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion
Author skeptical2 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Are you saying that he's telling you he loves you without ever having met you in person? I'm not saying it's not possible, but you would expect someone to say something like that after having met in person and even then after you've personally known each other for a while. I'm not sure whether he's smooth-talking you or not, but saying that without ever having met you seems unusual at the very least. Yes he does. He says a lot of lovey dovey things like this, and in the middle of all this, I'm catching feelings. So i don't wanna waste my time if he is playing me, and get hurt later should i let him break down my walls and have my heart.
bean1 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I'd make an informed decision as to whether or not I wanna keep talking to him and hearing him tell me he loves me and whatnot. Now shut the hell up if you have nothing better to do than try and insult someone. It's not an insult to tell you that you are acting completely over the top and appear like a crazy person. It's an observation. You are not exclusive and you don't even know this man in person, you have NO RIGHT to be upset about him talking to other women. So he says he loves you?? You know what he *didn't* say? "I want to be exclusive with you and only date you". Like I said, what are you going to do when you find out he chats to other girls online? Do you think he doesn't talk to other girls in person in his own country? How are you going to 'verify' that? What makes you think he isn't allowed to talk to other girls like you if you are not his girlfriend??? I met my husband online. Did he talk to/date/sleep with other girls before he was my exclusive boyfriend? I don't know. Maybe. Probably. That was his right. This internet man owes you nothing.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Create a fake profile on the dating site. Make it sound real with pretty pictures (but not so hot that they are suspect). Contact and flirt, using what you know about him to lure him in. Observe how he responds.
Author skeptical2 Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 It's not an insult to tell you that you are acting completely over the top and appear like a crazy person. It's an observation. You are not exclusive and you don't even know this man in person, you have NO RIGHT to be upset about him talking to other women. So he says he loves you?? You know what he *didn't* say? "I want to be exclusive with you and only date you". Like I said, what are you going to do when you find out he chats to other girls online? Do you think he doesn't talk to other girls in person in his own country? How are you going to 'verify' that? What makes you think he isn't allowed to talk to other girls like you if you are not his girlfriend??? I met my husband online. Did he talk to/date/sleep with other girls before he was my exclusive boyfriend? I don't know. Maybe. Probably. That was his right. This internet man owes you nothing. I didn't read any of this bull****. I don't give a **** what you think about me. You can take your the grade insults and know-it-all bs and shove it up your online husband's ass. *blocks*
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